This is an old photo, almost five years old, taken out at Medicine Lake in the late summer.  The lake slowly drains over the course of the summer, exposing giant rocks and a road.  The photo doesn't do the place justice because the rocks are enormous and the lake is 7 km long.

Work was hard yesterday.  One of our frequent flyers, a young man with either leukemia or lymphoma, can't remember, came for his IT chemo and I asked him how he was.  Not good he said.  The doc told him that the chemo isn't working anymore, that they've run out of options.  The young man is 31 years old.  I wanted to hug him and I couldn't.

We had a lady in her eighties yesterday come down for a PICC line. She's from a retirement home so she was on isolation for suspected COVID.  I had a yellow gown, mask, gloves and hat on while I interviewed her.  She was crying because her husband died of cancer two years ago.  He was a patient of ours.  They were together for 62 years and she misses him so much.  We were both crying and I couldn't hug her.

One of my coworkers is a very extroverted young woman who works and then goes home to be with her cat.  She's having a hard time spending so much time along and I can't hug her.

I had no idea I hugged so many people.  When I was a child I was very shy and hugs always filled me with anxiety, not the hug so much as the social rules around who to hug and who not to hug.  I started hugging people when I hit my thirties.  I grew up without hugs and I didn't want my children to grow up like that.  Overnight I became a hugger and I'm okay with that.  Fortunately I have the big guy to hug me and he does but there are so many people in the world right now who are alone and not getting hugs.  It makes me sad this lack of hugging.

Sending out virtual hugs.

My week in photos.  Lucy ended up having to go to the vet because her gash wouldn't heal.  She gets the drain out tonight which will make her feel better I'm guessing.  It's starting to itch which is a good sign.  She's on antibiotics and pain meds.

We have a mayday tree which sadly has become overrun with black fungus.  We didn't know anything about it when we moved into this house and the tree had never been pruned by the previous owners.  You have to cut about ten inches below the black fungus infection and as you can see, that's most of the branches.  We got it about half done this weekend, including a full day of burning the branches because they have to be burned or put into the landfill in plastic bags which I won't do.  By the time we're done the tree will die which breaks my heart a little.  That tree gave us so much shade and privacy, not to mention robins nests.

As you can see Lucy is coping with her injury, barely.  She's not a fan of wearing a t-shirt but it stops her from scratching the wound.

Gracie had a bad day yesterday so the little guy is with us for a couple of days.  He's wearing a pink sleeper because it only cost $3 and he doesn't care.  He loves the pantry.  He goes in there and just looks at all the food and touches the containers.  Wait until he finds out there is candy in there.

He was also helping me with the laundry which I appreciate so much.  He's such a character, so curious, wandering around with his music, waving his hands and just enjoying life in general.  He doesn't seem to mind the lockdown at all.

Later after his nap we're going to go for a long walk and get some fresh air.  

Stay safe my friends.

I finished stitching all the blocks for my new quilt.  This quilt is for me and the big guy and our room is green.  It stitched up quickly and I love the colors.  Now I'm just stitching the blocks together and then it will go to the quilter so it will be ready for summer.

We were told about a park east of the city where we could take dogs and where there were walking trails.  Apparently it's only been open for 3.5 years but I don't think many people know about it.  When we arrived there were three other cars in the parking lot and we never saw a soul while we walked the trails.  It was heaven.

The snow was still deep off the trails.  Poor Heidi tried going off the trails a few times and ended up in snow up to her neck.  The weather was warm and sunny.  I needed that time.  It filled my cup.

I bought groceries this morning which was stressful, more stressful than I thought it would be.  But when I yelled at some guy who was backing up without looking and almost hit me, I realized I was kinda stressed.  I brought a mask with me and wasn't going to wear it but the line up was so long for the check out that I put it on.  There a lot of people in the store and I felt uncomfortable wearing the mask but who cares.  

I also found out yesterday that we are now required to wear masks when giving patient care so I'll be wearing a mask all week at work too.  Yay.  I don't like wearing masks, they're hot and uncomfortable.  I want this to end.

On the up side, we now have a lovely place to walk among the trees and the weather is warming up.  

Work is work.  Cancer doesn't care if there is a pandemic going on.  We are screened going into to the hospital, fill out a form that says we have no COVID-19 symptoms and then have to sign it.  I check my temp when I get to DI.  No visitors are allowed except for interpreters or for people who can't physically manage on their own.  Our waiting rooms feel empty but we still have the same number of patients, just no family or friends.  Everything is quiet and it feels strange and slightly ominous.   Usually our department is noisy and full of life and talking and laughter.  Not now.

I was off yesterday so spent the day making a birthday cake for my grandson.  He turned one yesterday already.  We dropped off the cake and a present and stayed for a few minutes to hug him and take a few pictures.  Gracie was having people over, not a lot but too many in my opinion.  She and I butted heads yesterday so that was fun.  Both of us ended up crying.  Isolation is hard.  Single parenting is hard.  Grandparenting a child with messed up parents is hard.

I feel glum today.  Social distancing is unpleasant.  I miss hugging my friends.  Now when I see people I avoid them.  Back away.  It feels unnatural and cold but necessary.  I wonder if they have the virus.  I went for a long walk with one of the dogs yesterday and everyone and their dog was out, literally.  I had to get off the paths and walk on the sidewalks which I don't like nearly as much but it's easier to avoid people that way.

I had a horrible dream this morning about getting ready to put in a central line.  We didn't have the equipment we needed, everybody kept contaminating me, nobody knew what they were doing, including the docs and throughout all of this I had to pee.  Doesn't take a psychologist to figure that dream out.

The sun has just come out from behind the clouds now so maybe today will be a better day.  We found out about a park east of the city to walk the dogs in so we're going there today.  All of us need fresh air and exercise.  Fingers crossed.

I didn't have a good start to the morning, I sliced my finger open while cutting up bread crusts to make croutons and it wouldn't stop bleeding and I had no bandaids.  I went to Walmart which feels like walking into a germ factory right now.  Everything I touched, I wondered if it had COVID on it.  I got what I needed, including a chocolate Easter bunny for next weekend and band aids.  When I got home I watched Heidi and the neighbor's dog playing in the snow.  I baked a loaf of sourdough and then I picked up my grandson.  

The best part of the day was seeing him.  He turns one next week and he's grown so much even in the two weeks since we've seen him.  The day is better now.  It amazes me how much I love this little guy. 

So There's That:)

We had a medium sized dump of snow the other day and it's been cold so it's hanging around.  The sun came out today though, so there's that.

I'm off work today, my regular day off and I've been listening to the radio, quilting and baking.  I started a new quilt for me and the big guy.  I love greens and blues so that's the fabrics I chose before the fabric stores closed.  I noticed though that I can still buy fabric online from one of the quilt shops here and you pick it up like take out, so there's that.

The dogs are not bothered at all by the cold weather or the virus.  They are true champions at staying calm in the middle of a pandemic.  The neighbor's dog is still jumping the fence so that she and Heidi are able to get a lot of exercise, so there's that.

It's after lunch here and I still haven't had a shower yet.  I slept in and made a loaf of sourdough and now I'm making sourdough cinnamon buns.  We'll see how they turn out.  Good I hope.  Our lovely neighbor on the other side of us, he has a nasty little dog, shoveled our driveway yesterday so I'll take some cinnamon buns over to him and his mom.  Human kindness continues to exist thank goodness, so there's that.

Work has been busy and the disruptive coworker is back and continues to disrupt our work.  Fuck I hate that.  She is passively aggressively nice and does as little as possible.  She refuses to work as part of a team and thinks only of herself, always.  Yesterday it was breaks and working in fluoro.  I finally told her to go in there.  Sometimes she listens to me but often just does as she pleases.  At least some things don't change, so there's that. 

Life continues on.  Work continues on.  I now video chat with Miss Katie and my grandson, neither of whom understand the concept but seem to be accommodating the change.  I did get an extreme close up of both Miss Katie, her eyeball, and my grandson, his forehead, so there's that.

Take care and stay safe.