I'm still in Victoria,  waiting for the wheels of bureaucracy to turn.  Jack is caught in limbo between two provinces and apparently the two provinces do things slightly differently. 

The social worker here is a lovely young woman who is doing everything in her power to get us home.

Yesterday Gracie's mom was here and to kill time we went to Butchart Gardens.  It was a beautiful respite in a hellish week.

I'm lonely and I just want to hold Jack in my arms again.   I miss him so much and I miss the big guy who had to stay home to care for the animals.

I'm OK when I'm busy but I'm not busy today. 

Gracie is on her way home with her brother and mother.  Hopefully she goes into rehab but I'm not holding my breath.  Her son however is still stuck here and I can't see him because I need a negative covid test to see him but you can't get a covid test here if you're asymptomatic. 

Fucking hell.

Very busy day at work today.  I told awful jokes to a patient while we put his port in to take his mind off what we were doing.  A lot of patients with very difficult IV starts which means lots of hot blankets and I used the vein finder quite a bit.  One poor guy ended up with an IV in his thumb thanks to me.  He was okay with that;  it was his fourth poke.

The last patient of the day was a man who is dying of pancreatic cancer.  His wife and he were waiting for his scan and we talked while I accessed his port.  She told me that she watches him at night sometimes to make sure he's still breathing.  He holds his breath and then yells "Boo!" to scare the shit out of his wife.  Fucker!  His wife told me that story, both of them laughing.  

I told this couple about another couple that have been coming in for the past few years.  They are an older couple, Muslim.  They wife looks like a proper Muslim lady;  she wears a hijab.  The patient has been blind for most of his life and his wife takes care of him, brings him to every appointment.  I asked him one day if his wife ever moves the furniture when she's mad at him.  He assured me she does not do that.  When I took him back to his wife, I asked her if she ever moved the furniture around when she was mad at him.  She said, "Oh yes", so matter of factly.  I love her.

We had a patient collapse after her CT scan today.  She became unresponsive and her blood pressure bottomed out.  My coworker also works in ER and she called a code.  The lady ended up okay.  They got her blood pressure back up after a bit and when I left she was smiling and apologizing to her daughter.  A good end to a story but codes always leave me feeling shaken.

Jack and Gracie come back tomorrow and I'm looking forward to seeing Jack again.  We've missed him so much.  I miss his cars lined up on the table and his laugh.  

I'm trying to stay present.  I'm reading Eckart Tolle, The Power of Now.  I like some of what he has to stay and I'm trying to stay in the present but it's not easy.  I'm trying to get my mind to shut up, with some success, even if it's only for a few minutes.  

I'm also reading a lovely book called "The One Hundred Years Of Lenni And Margot".  It's just such a nice story, maybe not nice, maybe bittersweet would be a better description, but I like it.

Life continues on.  

The week in photos.  Nothing much has changed here, except an ICU nurse died of an accidental or deliberate overdose, they don't know.   Either the stress was too much and she went back to using or she'd had enough and wanted it all to stop.  The shit show continues. 

Last night I may have spoken rather loudly to a stupid woman at Walmart who refused to wear a mask.  I asked customer service to have her removed and then followed up with a phone call and they assured me the manager was dealing with it.  

Gracie and Jack leave for Victoria today because she needs a holiday, what with not working an all.  Apparently trashing our house took a lot out of her.  I pray for him every night.  

If I seem bitter, I am.  I'm worn down.  My father in law's health is declining.  I have an infection in my uterus and the doctor, or medicine in general, doesn't know how it happens but it does sometimes for post menopausal women.  Our government refuses to intervene in the worsening health care crisis coming with the fourth wave of Covid.  They are still asking nurses to take a pay cut and are at the same time begging for nurses.  It's insane and when you live with someone who is insane, you end up feeling like the crazy one.  

I'm going to walk in the trees again today because they are the only sane thing right now.  They understand the days are getting shorter, that winter is coming, that they must shed their leaves.  They know what to do and they just get on with it.  

This too shall pass but right now, I feel like this.