Friday, April 10, 2020

Work is work.  Cancer doesn't care if there is a pandemic going on.  We are screened going into to the hospital, fill out a form that says we have no COVID-19 symptoms and then have to sign it.  I check my temp when I get to DI.  No visitors are allowed except for interpreters or for people who can't physically manage on their own.  Our waiting rooms feel empty but we still have the same number of patients, just no family or friends.  Everything is quiet and it feels strange and slightly ominous.   Usually our department is noisy and full of life and talking and laughter.  Not now.

I was off yesterday so spent the day making a birthday cake for my grandson.  He turned one yesterday already.  We dropped off the cake and a present and stayed for a few minutes to hug him and take a few pictures.  Gracie was having people over, not a lot but too many in my opinion.  She and I butted heads yesterday so that was fun.  Both of us ended up crying.  Isolation is hard.  Single parenting is hard.  Grandparenting a child with messed up parents is hard.

I feel glum today.  Social distancing is unpleasant.  I miss hugging my friends.  Now when I see people I avoid them.  Back away.  It feels unnatural and cold but necessary.  I wonder if they have the virus.  I went for a long walk with one of the dogs yesterday and everyone and their dog was out, literally.  I had to get off the paths and walk on the sidewalks which I don't like nearly as much but it's easier to avoid people that way.

I had a horrible dream this morning about getting ready to put in a central line.  We didn't have the equipment we needed, everybody kept contaminating me, nobody knew what they were doing, including the docs and throughout all of this I had to pee.  Doesn't take a psychologist to figure that dream out.

The sun has just come out from behind the clouds now so maybe today will be a better day.  We found out about a park east of the city to walk the dogs in so we're going there today.  All of us need fresh air and exercise.  Fingers crossed.

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