I'm off today and tired today.  One day blurs into another.  Normally this time of the year we're busy planning our vacation but not this year.  I was so looking forward to visiting Vancouver Island again, to seeing Birdie and my sister, to walking in the rainforests, to spending time by the ocean and now it's gone which makes me a little sad.  And really, in the grand scheme of things, it's not a big thing but still it's a loss.  The bookstore is closed.  I avoid people like the plague:) The off leash park is closed.  No friends over for supper.  No supper out.  None of this is a big deal.  We both still have our jobs and are still working.  Neither one of us is sick.  We haven't lost anybody to this virus.  We live in a sane country.  We are so lucky, I am so lucky, but it's loss of a thousand small cuts and it slowly adds up over time.

My son has disappeared again so I'm guessing jail.  Gracie has gone off the rails again so we're taking the little guy more.  I try not to think about the future but it creeps in, the thoughts, the what ifs, the hope, the dread.  If I stay busy I can stop the intrusive thoughts but eventually I lay down to sleep and they pile into bed with me.  I have no control over the future but still my brain tries.

So today is a day to do one tax return and then work in the garden because I miss being outside.  It was a long winter, made even longer by the virus.  I know this won't last forever but it feels like it at times.  One day is good, the next is bad.  I know I'm not alone in this.  I was talking to friends at work and we all feel the same way.  Sigh.

Something good this week.