I'm back at work. Life goes on. Holidays are nice because I can forget my real life. My girlfriend with cancer came in today for an x-ray. She looks frail and wobbly; she moves slowly and needs help to stand up. She is forty-eight years old.
I had a twenty year old patient today. She has osteosarcoma that has spread to her brain and lungs. Her baby was delivered by C-section at 25 weeks this past summer so that she could begin treatment. She's dying and her baby remains in NICU.
Another patient told me today that her chemo has stopped working. She sold her condo and is planning on traveling, first class, five star.
It's too much sometimes. I think that's why I liked the beach so much in England. It took my mind off life, although not really. I thought about death as I wandered up and down this beach. Thought about our souls, our connections to each other, to the Universe.
Mostly I'm sad because my friend is dying and I don't want to burden her with my sadness.