MyLifeSoFar
Wednesday, January 25, 2023
Monday, January 23, 2023
Once again I feel like a piano is tied to my ass. We've decided to sell our condo and use that money to pay down the mortgage. I hate dealing with realtors, renters and appointments, maybe that's what's bugging me. There's also no sunshine this morning, so there's that.
Wednesday, January 18, 2023
I shut comments off yesterday because I just needed to get that shit out of my head. I felt stupid and naive, but none of these drugs were a thing when I was young. My friend has far more experience than she ever wanted with drugs, thanks to her son, and she's always so kind and compassionate. She told me a lot about crystal meth, how it's ingested (now I know what that pipe was for in Gracie's house), and what the side effects are. I also did some reading about meth which helped my understanding as well.
All that I can do, I have done. There is nothing else for me to do, so I need to just leave it be. What will happen, will happen. This thought works for a little while, until I find myself spiralling down again into my neverending worry pit. But I'm trying. The past week has left me feeling battered but yesterday helped.
I quilted for most of the day; it's almost as good as gardening because it allows my mind to relax. I picked out all the fabric on Monday with the help of a very nice woman at the quilt store. It took an hour and half but the time was well spent. The woman who helped me is also an artist and helped me find colours and fabrics that went well together, and also explained why they went together. It was a good learning experience and now I'm busy cutting all the fabric into six inch squares. I have eight metres of fabric so it takes time and focus.
I took Heidi for a long walk yesterday, both for my foot and for my mind. Walking also allows my mind to relax. We have hoar frost again and it was so beautiful. The small sparkles of light in the photo above are not natural, I accidentally left a filter on but I liked the look. I did my ten thousand steps and woke up with a sore foot, but that's a good thing. I need to know if I can walk all day before I commit to going back to work.
Life continues on despite everything. Two nights ago I snapped at Jack during supper, the whole day was a shit show really, and then I apologized. He was awful too because I was out of sorts and tense. Then we went upstairs for his bath and he wanted me to play cars with him while he was in the bath. When he plays cars, he wants them to talk to each other. It started out as a shooting game but then it became a farting game and our cars were farting at each other. We both had a lot of fun and after his bath he gave me a big hug and said, "I like when you silly Nana." I told him I liked being silly too.
Note to self, I need more silly.
Tuesday, January 17, 2023
My son was released from the psych unit, the doc said my son was fine. I found out yesterday that my daughter in law uses, coke, crack, crystal meth, heroin and various pills. I called Children's Services and made a complaint.
I called my best friend, whose son is a drug addict, and she told me the same thing had happened to her son. She thought he had lost his mind; he was hallucinating, delusional and losing his mind. He was underage at the time so she took him to emergency. They kept her son for 36 hours until he self confessed to using crystal meth, he was not mentally ill, he was a using crystal meth.
I know nothing about drugs even though my son was a drug dealer and drug addict. Denial I think is what it's called.
My son is trying to get sober, my girlfriend thinks he had a slip up and lost it because he is genuinely concerned about his son's safety.
On a side note, now I know what I found at Gracie's house, a meth pipe. I had no idea what it was.
Jack is safe. Children's Services will look into Charlie's life and see if he is safe.
Life is kicking me in the ass these last two weeks. Mostly I feel stupid for trusting and not seeing what was in front of my face.
I'll take Heidi for a long walk later and try to breathe.
Monday, January 16, 2023
We had a rough weekend. My hubby was sick and both of us were feeling down with regards to my son, his wife and our grandson. Jack was out of sorts all weekend, probably because of our stress. He was a turd at times. He had a bad dream and was cold last night, so he crawled into bed with me in the middle of the night. It's nice to be able to give comfort to someone. I'm feeling much better today, even though we have no idea what's going on.
I'm starting another quilt today, this one will be a wedding quilt for my middle daughter. This is the style and colours she has picked out, and here's a link to the creator of this quilt, credit where credit is due. I did tell my daughter she was killing me with the muted colours and simple pattern but she just laughed. I prefer lots of bright colours but it's not going to be my quilt.
It looks like I'll be going back to work starting on March 1st so I will be walking a lot more, trying to increase my tolerance for walking, without my foot hurting. I see a lot of dog walks in my future which is always a good thing, for the dogs and for me.
And some funnies, just for laughs.
Saturday, January 14, 2023
My son was apprehended and is now undergoing a psych evaluation. From what the nurse told me, he is being cooperative. His main concern is the safety of his youngest son, Charlie. In other good news, Children's Services will be fully investigating all of the allegations my son made against his wife. I don't know what's going on with those two, they both lie, but I am hopeful that Children's Services makes sure that Charlie is safe, and if he isn't, that he's removed from the home.
It broke my heart going before the judge yesterday to ask to have my son apprehended and held, but my son is fine with it and hopefully we all get some answers.
Jack is home, sleeping on the couch. He's always exhausted when he comes back from his grandma's. The big guy is sick and he's sleeping on the other couch. I'm eating chocolate because I'm a little/lot stressed. We canceled Katie's visit for tomorrow. My husband is sick and I'm stressed. Katie can feel stress from a mile away and it just upsets her.
Life continues on.