Wednesday, January 25, 2023

I took the dogs for their shots yesterday and Lucy is not as close to death as we had feared.  She's on a new medication now, a diuretic which will help to remove the fluid from her lungs.  She had it IVP (intravenous push) yesterday and we saw a huge improvement.  The pills are supposed to be given twice a day but that won't work when I go back to work, even once a day will help though.  I took both dogs to the dog park and they had a great walk and Lucy peed a ton.

The lego building continues on, unabated in our home.  

About fifteen years ago my husband broke his left leg and ended up with a rod and screws in his leg.  A few days before the weather changes, he is in a lot of pain.  Last night he asked me to put some peppermint oil on his leg for the pain, and then Jack wanted to get in on the fun.  I put some peppermint oil on Jack's hand and he proceeded to slap my husband's leg which caused even more pain.  I taught him how to gently rub the oil on poppa's skin.  Then Jack touched his eye.  OMG.  I did that once at work by accident and it is so painful.  Crying and yelling ensued.

I told him to stop touching his eye, scrubbed the oil off his hand and then got him upstairs for a shower to help wash the oil out of his eye.  As he went flying into the bathroom, he managed to whack his head on the doorknob which caused more crying and screaming.  I finally got him into the shower, washed his hand again and let the water do it's work.

When his shower was finished, he wouldn't get out of the tub and I finally left him in the bathroom by himself.  More crying and yelling.  He wanted nana to wrap him in his PJ Masks blanket and bring him downstairs.  I told him no.  He came downstairs to tell me this and then ran back upstairs.  I again told him no.  Then he came back downstairs and put his blanket on the register to warm up;  the cat promptly curled up on his blanket and Jack remained naked.

Eventually he got his pyjamas on and a diaper, it took him forever to fall asleep.  At one point he got up to go to the bathroom and he gave me stinkeye, asking why he had a diaper on.  I told him that he had watched me put it on him and that he needed it because he had peed in the bed by accident.  He was not happy.

Life with an almost four year old is never dull:)

Jack is also a very picky eater, it runs in our family, I understand it because I am a picky eater too.  But two nights ago he kept changing his mind about what he wanted to eat for supper (this is new), after supper was in front of him (he wants control), and I made the mistake of hopping up and down for him and the dogs while I was trying to eat my supper (very bad for my mood).

Yesterday, I printed out pictures of the things he will eat for supper.  He doesn't like our food, too spicy, and I am not going to eat his boring food.  There are now photos of six different things on the fridge and I told him he can choose what he wants for supper but that once it's made, that's it.  He tried different things last night, I need this, I want that, etc but I refused to get up until my meal was done.  I had a mother who did this too, the hopping up and down for children and her husband; that needs to stop because it just gets me cranky and shows a lack of respect for me.

So in case anybody thinks everything it's all goodness and light in our home, while we raise our grandson, it's not.  I love him but he's still a turd at times.


Monday, January 23, 2023

Once again I feel like a piano is tied to my ass.  We've decided to sell our condo and use that money to pay down the mortgage. I hate dealing with realtors, renters and appointments, maybe that's what's bugging me.  There's also no sunshine this morning, so there's that.

Poor Jack has had accidents the last two nights which have upset him.  Plus he's got sore legs from running so hard and playing so hard on Saturday.  I've never seen an almost four year old limp from sore muscles.  He wants us to carry him.  Dude, you weigh forty pounds.  

Jack seems to be entering a new phase right now and has become more diffiuclt at times.  He is very articulate and I think people (his grandparents) probably expect more from him because his is so very good with words, but he's still a little guy. Almost four year olds are supposed to be stubborn, bossy and defiant; it's part of normal development.  He's also starting to understand how powerful words are and uses them like a weapon at times, also normal.  Last night he was mad at me and pulled some leaves off a plant of mine.  On Saturday I told him it was time to leave the playplace and he pulled my hair, hard.  He drives his poppa crazy with the Lego.  His poppa builds the Lego and Jack literally destroys it.  He doesn't understand that it shows a lack of respect for his poppa's time and energy, but Jack only wants  something built so he can take it apart.  It's the destruction that he wants.

I mentioned to somebody (Debby) this weekend that I only want peace and quiet.  If I want peace and quiet, it's up to me to do that, not others.  I need to put limits on what others can expect of me, including Jack and his poppa.  I really do want a peaceful life where a dog walk in the afternoon is not something requiring a lot of planning but rather something I can just slip out and do.  I take good care of everyone else but not me, something which is looming large with me with my return to work in March.  These past five months of staying home, while boring at times, has greatly reduced my stress (except for my son and his families) and I want to keep that in my life.  Work can be very stressful at times, who am I kidding, most of the time.  Plus there is everything around the house that still needs to be done.  I did it before but not sure how I feel about doing it again.  Resentful maybe:) 

Friday, January 20, 2023

Bagheera enjoying the heat register.

Walking in the dog park.

 Hoar frost.

Wednesday, January 18, 2023

I shut comments off yesterday because I just needed to get that shit out of my head.  I felt stupid and naive, but none of these drugs were a thing when I was young.  My friend has far more experience than she ever wanted with drugs, thanks to her son, and she's always so kind and compassionate.  She told me a lot about crystal meth, how it's ingested (now I know what that pipe was for in Gracie's house), and what the side effects are.  I also did some reading about meth which helped my understanding as well.  

All that I can do, I have done.  There is nothing else for me to do, so I need to just leave it be.  What will happen, will happen.  This thought works for a little while, until I find myself spiralling down again into my neverending worry pit.  But I'm trying.  The past week has left me feeling battered but yesterday helped.

I quilted for most of the day; it's almost as good as gardening because it allows my mind to relax.  I picked out all the fabric on Monday with the help of a very nice woman at the quilt store.  It took an hour and half but the time was well spent.  The woman who helped me is also an artist and helped me find colours and fabrics that went well together, and also explained why they went together.  It was a good learning experience and now I'm busy cutting all the fabric into six inch squares.  I have eight metres of fabric so it takes time and focus.

I took Heidi for a long walk yesterday, both for my foot and for my mind.  Walking also allows my mind to relax.  We have hoar frost again and it was so beautiful.  The small sparkles of light in the photo above are not natural, I accidentally left a filter on but I liked the look.  I did my ten thousand steps and woke up with a sore foot, but that's a good thing.  I need to know if I can walk all day before I commit to going back to work.

Life continues on despite everything.  Two nights ago I snapped at Jack during supper, the whole day was a shit show really, and then I apologized.  He was awful too because I was out of sorts and tense.  Then we went upstairs for his bath and he wanted me to play cars with him while he was in the bath.  When he plays cars, he wants them to talk to each other.  It started out as a shooting game but then it became a farting game and our cars were farting at each other.  We both had a lot of fun and after his bath he gave me a big hug and said, "I like when you silly Nana."  I told him I liked being silly too.

Note to self, I need more silly.

Tuesday, January 17, 2023

My son was released from the psych unit, the doc said my son was fine.  I found out yesterday that my daughter in law uses, coke, crack, crystal meth, heroin and various pills.  I called Children's Services and made a complaint.

I called my best friend, whose son is a drug addict, and she told me the same thing had happened to her son.  She thought he had lost his mind; he was hallucinating, delusional and losing his mind.  He was underage at the time so she took him to emergency.  They kept her son for 36 hours until he self confessed to using crystal meth, he was not mentally ill, he was a using crystal meth.

I know nothing about drugs even though my son was a drug dealer and drug addict.  Denial I think is what it's called.

My son is trying to get sober, my girlfriend thinks he had a slip up and lost it because he is genuinely concerned about his son's safety.

On a side note, now I know what I found at Gracie's house, a meth pipe.  I had no idea what it was.

Jack is safe.  Children's Services will look into Charlie's life and see if he is safe.

Life is kicking me in the ass these last two weeks.  Mostly I feel stupid for trusting and not seeing what was in front of my face.

I'll take Heidi for a long walk later and try to breathe.

Monday, January 16, 2023

We had a rough weekend.  My hubby was sick and both of us were feeling down with regards to my son, his wife and our grandson.  Jack was out of sorts all weekend, probably because of our stress.  He was a turd at times.  He had a bad dream and was cold last night, so he crawled into bed with me in the middle of the night.  It's nice to be able to give comfort to someone.  I'm feeling much better today, even though we have no idea what's going on.  

I'm starting another quilt today, this one will be a wedding quilt for my middle daughter.  This is the style and colours she has picked out, and here's a link to the creator of this quilt, credit where credit is due.  I did tell my daughter she was killing me with the muted colours and simple pattern but she just laughed.  I prefer lots of bright colours but it's not going to be my quilt.

It looks like I'll be going back to work starting on March 1st so I will be walking a lot more, trying to increase my tolerance for walking, without my foot hurting.  I see a lot of dog walks in my future which is always a good thing, for the dogs and for me.

And some funnies, just for laughs.

Saturday, January 14, 2023

My son was apprehended and is now undergoing a psych evaluation.  From what the nurse told me, he is being cooperative.  His main concern is the safety of his youngest son, Charlie.  In other good news, Children's Services will be fully investigating all of the allegations my son made against his wife.  I don't know what's going on with those two, they both lie, but I am hopeful that Children's Services makes sure that Charlie is safe, and if he isn't, that he's removed from the home.

It broke my heart going before the judge yesterday to ask to have my son apprehended and held, but my son is fine with it and hopefully we all get some answers.

Jack is home, sleeping on the couch.  He's always exhausted when he comes back from his grandma's.  The big guy is sick and he's sleeping on the other couch.  I'm eating chocolate because I'm a little/lot stressed.  We canceled Katie's visit for tomorrow.  My husband is sick and I'm stressed.  Katie can feel stress from a mile away and it just upsets her.

Life continues on.