It's been a difficult summer so far.  We have been in the process of trying new meds for Jack's ADHD.  It hasn't gone well.  He's lost weight and meals have become battlegrounds which bring back a lot of bad memories from my own childhood.  He needs to eat but the stimulants destroy his appetite and he is already a picky eater.  He has a tough time with flavours and textures, and is very suspicious of new foods.

Jack's ADHD is much worse than what I saw in my own children.  It's severe and impacts his life on a daily basis.  I had hoped to give him a break from his meds over the summer but I can't cope with his behavior and he wouldn't be able to enjoy his camps because he would be constantly reprimanded for his hyperactivity and his impulsivity.  It's a huge issue at school too, so the summer is a good time to try new meds, in theory.

I hit a spot this week when I wondered if I could keep doing this for both Jack and Katie.  I took Katie to the doctor yesterday for follow-up of her blood work and tachycardia.  We never did check Katie's heart rate and she kissed the doctor three times while the doc was trying to take Katie's blood pressure.  The good news was that her liver function was fine but it was exhausting.  I'm going to be 64 next month and I wonder how much longer I can continue to take Katie to appointments.  It's getting harder.

And then I talked to Jack's doctor last night by phone and she suggested starting Jack on an anti-psychotic at a very low dose and I started crying.  He's seven years old.  I can't put him on an anti-psychotic, it doesn't feel right to expose his developing mind to such strong drugs, the same kind that Katie takes.  We came to a compromise and we will try a new ADHD drug along with clonidine and see if that helps.  Clonidine is not an anti-psychotic, it is an alpha-2 adrenergic receptor agonist which can enhance the cognitive control of his behavior, in theory.

I started crying when I lay down with Jack to help him fall asleep.  He told me that tomorrow would be a better day.  Smart boy:)

I won't leave this post up for long but I needed to get it out of my system.  I don't want Jack to ever come across it.  It's not his fault, anymore than it is Katie's fault that they are the way they are.  Aside from IQ, the two are very similar, two ends of the same bell curve.

Today should be a better day, in theory:)

 

I had a lovely dream this morning about one of my best friend's daughters.  This is Shirley with her oldest daughter who will be turning 29 next month.  Shirley died in 2015 of cancer and I still dream about her, but the dream this morning was about her youngest daughter and it was so nice to see her, even if it was only in my dreams.

I took this photo of the big pond a couple of days ago.  There's been so much rain that the ponds are doing well and the water levels are high.  The pelicans have moved from one pond to the other as well.  The white birds on the water are pelicans who summer here every year.  Lac La Biche has a massive summer pelican population and we have six but I love seeing these six arrive every spring.  There used to be eight but two must have died, hopefully of old age.

We rented a bin this past weekend to throw out the damaged flooring and drywall from the basement flooding.  Then we removed part of the decking in the back yard around the window well.  The decking was rotting and the slope was downwards towards the house which would explain the flooding.  The decking was built years ago and many of the screws were impossible to undo so my husband had to pry the boards up with a crowbar, one at a time.  Brute strength was required.

Instead of rebuilding the deck, we have a huge deck, this part of the yard will just be planted with grass and clover seed, after more soil is added to repair the slope.  No need to repaint or repair in the coming years, just cutting the grass which will be easier in the long run.

Another photo of the pond.  Everything is green and growing well.

Jack slept in his own bed last night, all night.  This is the first time he's slept alone in the last nine months.  He stayed with his grandma and mom on Halloween and his mom watched a scary movie with him, because she's such a good mom and only thinks about herself.  So for nine months, Jack has been sleeping with us, disrupting our sleep.  He felt safer sleeping with us and we want him to feel safe, but it was hard.  He's feeling better now thankfully.  He had a good night sleep he said.  Nine months and his mom, grandma, and aunt remains oblivious to the harm she does to him.

He is seeing a trauma counselor now which I'm hoping will help him in the long run.  

Katie had a rough day yesterday and started to attack me in the car on the way home, not a lot, but trying to pull my hair.  I got her home and in the house and then she started to crying and hitting her face.  I gave her an ativan and hoped for the best.  I have no idea what was going on with her and often we never do.  She has a hard life sometimes.

Life goes on:)

 

The walk home the other night.

It's been kind of an awful summer so far.  We had a huge dump of rain yesterday at lunch and the window well filled up again but I was home and I bailed it out.  It's just the volume of rain.  Streets are flooding, sink holes are appearing, and underpasses are impassable.  The waters recede and then it happens again.

I went online to figure out what to do about the window well and about flooding.  I found out that it's not an unusual problem, which is good to know, and it can be fixed, also good to know.  I was worried it would be something that would require tens of thousands of dollars to fix and my neck and back muscles tightened up.  I also learned about the purpose of window wells, how they're designed, and how they drain.  All good information that I managed to make it this far without knowing.

The damaged part of the basement has been cleaned out and I let the contractor know that he can come at anytime to do the repairs.  He told me after the long weekend.  Yesterday I bought the flooring and I've decided not to replace the nasty old utility sink in the basement, I just removed it.  I don't need it and it leaves more room in the furnace room.

I'll order a bin and I'll get rid of all the garbage that is now sitting in the garage and after the drywall is up, I can install shelving and organize the utility room so that we can find stuff, instead of buying another__________ (fill in the blank with any tool imaginable).

Jack has only a morning camp this week so I think I'm bummed out about that too.  I like it when I have the whole day to myself.  I think I'll make him go dog walking with me this afternoon and I'll keep the morning for myself.  I'll also be happier when my house is put back together.  

Europe is on fire, we're drowning, the US government has lost their collective mind, and the children of the world continue to die or be traumatized because old men who are afraid to die fight wars that nobody needed and nobody wanted (I suppose the argument could be made that war is never needed or wanted).  Climate change is real, it's not new but it has been sped up exponentially and the poorest among us will be the ones to suffer the most, as usual.  We're supposed to do better when we learn and yet it appears that human beings have learned nothing.  It breaks my heart.

 A basement flood can be a gift of sorts.  I had to empty out a closet downstairs and came across a box labeled Mum's stuff.  Obviously it was packed up after mum died in 2013 and I hadn't looked at it since.  The newspaper used to wrap stuff was also labeled 2013 so I know I haven't looked at those things for thirteen years.  It's hard to believe that she's been gone that long and I miss her still.  

So what was in the box?  This Hummel figurine for one, which I didn't realize I had kept.  Mum had a few Hummel figurines that she had bought in Germany while we lived there.  Mum had quite a few knick-knacks and they were part of my life growing up; each one had to be moved to dust underneath it on a regular basis.  I have no memory of what happened to them when mum died but I kept one which I'm glad of.  Mum kept a clean house.  When I was growing up she cleaned the bathroom daily, something which just boggles my mind now.

There were also pay booklets that belonged to my dad when he was in the army during WW2 which will be 100 years old in just a few more years.  There were letters and a few other things.  Jack was with me when I opened the box and started pulling things out.  I ugly cried and he gave me a hug.  He's so very gentle and kind with me, sometimes.  I didn't know what to do with the stuff, don't know who might want it, so I packed it up and moved it to an upstairs closet. 

Everything that was damaged has been removed from the basement except for the utility sink which wasn't damaged but which was a piece of crap.  I can't disconnect the sink by myself so my husband will do that.  A bin will be ordered to put all the garbage in and have it hauled away.  The new flooring has been picked out and once I get that our contractor will come back and fix everything up for us.  Then I will put lots of shelving into the utility room and organize the room so we can find things.  The bedroom will be set up once more and hopefully things return to normal.

Jack spent last night at the lake with his grandma and mom.  His mom appears to be medicated, with what I don't know but her affect is blunted.  Grandma will be with them supervising, I hope.  Because we had the night off, my husband and I went out for supper and I ran into a nurse I worked with for years.  She actually doesn't live far from us but we rarely see each other.  It was nice to catch up with her and meet her baby grandson.

I don't feel 100% this morning, coughing and congested, so I called and cancelled my outing with Katie.  I feel guilty because I know Katie will be upset but I also don't want to make her sick.  Last night I thought it was just the smoke making me feel congested and making me cough, but it's a cold (not a man cold thankfully) so I will survive.

Jack is finally back to normal this morning it seems.  I was tickling him this morning and lots of laughter.  It's hot as hell though and humid.  I'm not good with temperatures of 30C, I suppose it could be worse though.  

We had new windows installed in May and they seem to have helped somewhat, keeping the house a little cooler than previously.  There are also blinds on all the west facing windows, but we will need to get AC going forward.  Our neighbors just had a new AC unit installed, I guess their old one died.  It only took a day and it's so quiet.   

My yard has been taken over by weeds, overgrown lamium, and dogwood.  I need to get out there and do something with the garden and did make one small effort, but it seems I just don't have time.  The mosquitos may have something to do with my reluctance to get out there as well.  It just seems like too much work right now.  My tomatoes are going great guns though and it looks like I'll have a huge crop of Roma tomatoes this fall.

I saw my counselor again yesterday and it was good to talk to someone who listens and asks excellent questions, making me question things, making me think.  I'm starting to see how much of a toll it's taking on me to be guardian for both Katie and Jack.  

Everything to do with Katie requires a huge effort.  It's not as simple as a doctor's appointment, sitting in a waiting room requires constant vigilance so that she doesn't have a meltdown, or pull someone's hair.  One of the hardest things I find is other people asking me what Katie is signing.  I'm introverted and I talking to strangers all the time when I'm out with Katie is stressful.  People are kind and don't want to just ignore her but it's often more stressful for her and for me if they stop and keep talking to her.  I don't feel like teaching every person who walks by about autism, ASL, and Katie.  It also seems that Katie attracts some very odd people who want to talk to her and to me.  I really don't have the energy to listen to them when I'm trying to keep Katie from getting overstimulated and have a meltdown.  The odd people also don't seem to understand social cues either.

Jack requires enormous amounts of energy as well, just because he's young and has ADHD.  There is almost no support from the other guardians and I resent that.  I guess I resent that with Katie was well.

I can juggle everything reasonably well when everything is going smoothly, but illness, emergency departments, and doctor appointments become overwhelming, especially when it's times two.  This will pass but this week has been tough.  

Jack is off to camp again today and hopefully I won't have to drive there and pick him up in the middle of the day.  Maybe I can even make some time for myself today.

I stole this from Deb at She Who Seeks.  Me too my friend, me too.

There appears to be a bug going around.  Katie is fine, fully recovered.  Jack went to wilderness camp yesterday and I got a call after lunch to please come pick him up.  He wasn't feeling good.  It took me an hour to get there because I was in Fort Saskatchewan, there was a road closure, and I got lost in a very large neighborhood of acreages, and my phone still isn't working properly, so no google maps.  I called my husband and he got me going the right way thankfully.  I finally got there, picked him up and he seemed ok but wasn't interested in eating any supper.

At 2am, he crawled into bed with me complaining of stomach pain, which I have come to realize means nausea.  He vomited a bunch, there was much drama, but all of the vomit ended up in the bowl.  It happened again and then the third time was not the charm, it ended up all over the floor.  It was 4:30 by then and he went downstairs to talk to poppa.  I tried going back to sleep but that was no use.

He's now sitting watching TV and has vomited two more times.  No diarrhea, just nausea and vomiting.  No fever either.  All of it just like Katie.  

Poppa is going to get me some gravol suppositories for Jack before he goes to work, and hopefully Jack will be able to keep something down then.

So, there is a bug going around.  I've been washing my hands lots and just looked up norovirus, cleanups with bleach, so I'm going to do that, the floor, not my hands:)

 Update.  I took him to emergency and he was treated in the waiting room by a very nice nurse practitioner.  She gave him quick dissolving Zofran under the tongue, we waited, and then he had some pedialtye and a popsicle.  We're home already.  He still felt nauseous in the car but he's playing video games now.  Fingers crossed.

We're back in emergency again.   This time with vomiting.   She can't keep anything down  poor girl.  She's vomited 5 times so far, but only once on me so I got that going for me.

The best part?  The 7 hour wait to even see a doctor.  I could cry but it wouldn't help.

Right now waiting  for hubby to bring me a sandwich before he takes Jack to his brother's birthday party.  He's also bringing  a big blanket for Katie.   She's freezing and the heated blankets only stay warm for about 5 minutes. 

I hate watching her suffer and I hate sitting in an emergency department doing nothing and I especially hate that the Provincial government has orchestrated this health care shortage as an excuse for private health care. 

Update.  Katie is much better and I just dropped her off at home.  She was hungry and tired.