Wednesday, April 24, 2024

I took Katie to see her doctor yesterday, for a prescription for birth control pills, which we got.  However, her health benefits don't cover that prescription.  Sigh.  On the upside, no injuries from her bus ride the other night.  I just got the report for what happened on Monday to Katie.  She was in her wheelchair on the bus, not standing as I had assumed, and the bus driver took a sharp turn and Katie and her wheelchair both tipped over.  This is a person driving disabled people around.  Why on earth would you not drive with more care?

So Katie is fine although I now have to deal with her diaper prescription and her birth control prescription.  I'm so thankful my ex husband is so helpful (sorry, must stop here to laugh uncontrollably).  It will get sorted, it's just one more thing to add to the must get sorted list.  

I have been approved for my CPP (Canadian Pension Plan which is federal) and just need to hear from my LAPP (Local Authorities Pension Plan).  I also applied for Jack's children's benefits and those were received and are being processed and we'll hear in July about those.  Two things, one, it will help us pay for daycare and Jack's needs, and two, it will stop the money going to Gracie, which is what she lives off of right now.  She's still not working.

A few weeks ago my son texted me, after repeatedly telling me that he was going to block me, to ask if he could use our mailing address.  I told him no.  Yesterday he texted me to tell me that he had used our mailing address for his EI (unemployment insurance).  He wants to use our address to avoid the government keeping track of him which sounds like a conspiracy theory but in this case I'm pretty sure I'm right.  I told him no again which set off a flurry of texts from him.  Basically I'm a bad mother because I'm not willing to help him this one time.

I have been enabling this man for the past twenty-two years and yesterday I'd had enough.  I blocked him and then my jaw tightened up and ached all night.  I cried a fair bit and tried not to cry at the doctor's with Katie because that doc already worries about me too much.  She thinks I have too much on my plate.  Lots of women have too much on their plate, I'm not alone.

And so it goes.  I have a massage this morning which will help with the tight muscles and then I'll walk the dogs later at the dog park.  The sun is shining and I heard robins singing last night which means spring has truly arrived.  

I forgot to add, for some reason blogger is not showing me all new posts on some people's blogs and I don't know why.  Right now I'm just going through my list to make sure I'm not missing any.

Update.  While I was having my massage and I was telling my massage therapist about my son, she said to me, "It must feel like you're a hostage.".  I promptly burst into tears.  So there's that.  Time to free myself.

Monday, April 22, 2024

Even through the snow, these little crocuses kept on blooming.  The sky is blue again and the sun is shining.  I heard a robin this evening, the first I've heard this spring.  I also saw a moose this evening, a yearling I think, not too big, but it scared me.  I have no desire to hit a moose, not even a small one.

I drove to Katie's house this evening.  I got a call that Katie had fallen on the bus and scraped her back.  The ladies had given her something for pain but they were worried about her.  Then I got a text from one of the ladies, Katie was sweating profusely, so I thought I should check on her, which is why I ended up driving in the dark, on country roads, and saw a moose.

I think Katie is okay.  She has a doctor's appointment tomorrow anyway, so I'll get the doc to check her over, just to make sure nothing's wrong.  I looked at Katie's back, just a scratch, no bruises, no pain when I pressed on her back or hips, so hopefully, everything is fine.

Jack came back home last night and he's fine, quite loud, but fine.  I got frustrated with him tonight when I was trying to put a clean sheet on his bed before bedtime and he started walking on the bed, while I'm trying to get the sheet on.  I told him I was frustrated and started crying, because it was a long day.  Then he went and sat in the hall and said something like, if I'm mad or frustrated with him, I must hate him.  I told him that I would never hate him, that I love him, even when I'm grumpy.  

Then my son started up again, wanting money, wanting an address for his correspondence, wanting attention really.  I've been doing this for more than twenty years with him and even though I'm used to it, it still wears me down.  He is a compulsive liar and manipulator who cannot be trusted and having to keep up a wall around myself, when I'm dealing with him, it tires me out.

It's late, I should go to bed.


Wednesday, April 17, 2024

 One last kick at the cat by mother nature; she does like to mess with Albertans.

Jack is home after spending a few days with his grandma while I was away, and one night with his mom.  The first night home he had a nightmare and woke up screaming that Huggy Wuggy had kidnapped him and was trying to take him to his mama's apartment.  Doesn't really take a rocket scientist to figure that one out.

Gracie hasn't been working since the beginning of March.  She had a job for about two weeks and didn't tell anyone that she was let go or fired, not even her sister, although I think her sister doesn't ask outright (don't ask, don't tell).  The last two times we've dropped off Jack, Gracie's apartment has reeked of weed.  If it smells like that again, we won't be leaving him there.  She's supposed to be sober.  Her family's argument is that weed is legal.  So is alcohol.  She's supposed to be sober from all drugs when he's with her, not just alcohol.

Jack is happy to visit his mama but he doesn't like spending the night there.  We'll see how this weekend goes and then I think I'll contact Jack's lawyer, who is watching out for Jack's rights.  Nobody in Gracie's family likes to spend time with her but they're making a five year old spend time with her.  We have court again in July and I'm hopeful enough will have gone wrong in Gracie's life by then, that Jack can just be with us permanently.  I can hope.

At daycare, Jack is learning his letters now and he and poppa are spending time after supper learning how to read.  I caught the two of them last night, reading.  I love these guys.

Not much else going on.  I have thirty-one days, probably less, of work left before my retirement date.  My daughter is coming out to cater my retirement party which means great food and I get to visit with her again.  Miss Katie will get to see her sister too, which she loves.

My son turned forty on Monday.  He texted me the next day to say that he had been laid off and could he have four hundred dollars, and he also said that I don't care and that he was going to block me, again.  Except I don't text him or call him, he's always the one who calls and texts.  He's doing the same with his sister now.  Oh joy.  I always hope that he'll change, but not so far.

I broke off a piece of an old filling when I was in Vancouver.  I saw the dentist yesterday and I'm going to have a crown, which scared the crap out of me, but she is a wonderful young woman who explained everything to me in detail and I'm okay with it now.  I'm getting it down right away, before I lose my benefits when I retire.  

I also had an appointment with Miss Katie's psychiatrist and apparently her ECG was fine, no Long QT interval showed up.  He did order another ECG to confirm and we also decided Katie needs to go back on birth control pills to stop her periods and prevent the PMS that she's been having.  He also suggested that new staff not take care of Katie first thing in the morning, which had caused an episode of severe head banging by Katie.  He said, "How would we feel if there was a stranger in our bedroom when we woke up in the morning?".  I contacted her house manager and he will make sure that doesn't happen going forward.  

Right now, the sun is trying to break through the cloud cover.  It's icy as hell, so no dog walks today.

Sunday, April 14, 2024

I made it back home from Vancouver yesterday.  I had such a good trip, lots of sleep, lots of walks, lots of talks and a very good book.  It was also restful, not having to care for anyone else, no laundry, no cooking, no cleaning.  The photo above is taken not far from where my daughter and her fiance live, close to the water.  My future son in law had his company launch on Wednesday, so he was working a fair bit.  My daughter quit her tech job and is now hoping to make it in the world of online food bloggers; most of the stuff is on TikTok and Instagram though.  She's following her dream.

There was a day of rain but it wasn't bad and left lovely droplets on the petals.

 This is their baby girl.  She's two and a half years old and I'm proud to be called her grandma:)

And Jack came home this evening.  He's fast asleep upstairs.

Friday, April 12, 2024

 I'm not sure what kind of blossoms these are but I loved how the sun shone through them.

The Science centre in Vancouver .

More blossoms on the street, again, no idea what they are.  It's way to hard to post photos on my phone.  I fly home tomorrow.   I'm have a lovely visit with my daughter and getting lots of rest and sleep.

Tuesday, April 9, 2024


Five years ago this beautiful little guy came into the world, a very messed up world that he didn't ask to be born into.  Happy birthday to the little disrupter that came into our lives, who makes us laugh, wears us out and keeps us young at heart.

Monday, April 8, 2024

It's Jack's birthday tomorrow, he'll be five.  Yesterday we had a birthday party for him at a local school gym, and he and his friends had a blast.  The theme was Minecraft and for those of you who don't know, Minecraft is a video game and the cake was decorated to look like a creeper, whatever that is.  I've never decorated a cake before, but went online and was happy with the results.  The kids loved it and all of them had green tongues, which they had to show each other, over and over again.  

I'm off all week and I'm busy cleaning and getting ready to leave.  I'm flying out to Vancouver on Wednesday to spend a few days with my daughter and her fiance.  I'll also be staying with them, sleeping on their couch, which should be interesting.  They have a very small place, no spare beds.  I'm looking forward to spending time with her and taking lots of photos.

Not much going on here, now that the birthday party is done.  Gracie and the rest of her family didn't want to come to Jack's birthday party.  Whatever.  Jack doesn't know the difference, I hope.  Gracie's apartment reeked of weed again this weekend, two weekends in a row.  She's supposed to be sober but she and her family don't count weed as an intoxicant.  Whatever.  I let Gracie's sister know and she said that she would drive over to Gracie's and check on Jack, but she didn't.  Whatever.  

Gracie is slowly sliding back into her old ways.  Each time we visit, to drop off Jack, her apartment gets dirtier.  To begin with, the apartment was clean when we dropped him off, but it's been not quite two months since he started spending Saturday nights with her and it has been going downhill since then.  A tell for her.  

There's nothing we can do, other than wait.  If we show up and she's clearly intoxicated, we will not leave Jack with her.  Sigh.  It just never ends.

I took Miss Katie out for lunch yesterday, and we had a good time until I drove her home.  She wouldn't get out of the car and when I finally did get her out of the car and into her wheelchair, she just sobbed, which got me crying.  Apparently she started her period on Saturday and that may or may not have been the reason she was crying.  She also had a new staff that morning and that set her off as well and she had smashed her head and nose against the wall or the floor before I had picked her up.  She breaks my heart some days.

The other day I was reading a book and realized that one of the characters in the book went home to an empty house after work everyday.  I know that many people live alone but it made me realize how long I've been taking care of other people.  I live in Edmonton because my daughter lives here and will always live here because my daughter lives here, and my grandson as well.  My life is pretty much planned out until I die and I don't know if I like that or not.  Who would I be if I didn't take care of others?  No wonder my shoulders ache all the time:)

Wednesday, April 3, 2024

I'm off today and so tired.  Work continues to kick my ass and usually by 1:30pm, I'm done but still have two more hours of my shift.  Jack was up at 4am yesterday morning and that didn't help.  One of the young nurses, really they're all young nurses at this point in my career, is beyond tired too, so maybe it's not just my age.

I finished a shrug sweater for one of the young ones, she had asked me to knit one months ago and I told her I just didn't have the energy, and then I did, have the energy.  It was a birthday present for her and she loved it, as did a bunch of other staff in our department.  They don't take long to knit up, they're made with Wool Ease, Thick and Quick yarn (sounds dirty, doesn't it?).  I may make more of them, we'll see.  I have such a hard time with obligations, don't like them at all, which puts me off.

We went to Jasper last weekend and discovered that Charlie is severely stressed out by travel.  I gave him some benadryl at one point in the trip, and that helped a little, but it's a four hour drive there and a four hour drive home.  He suffered.

We drove to Medicine Lake for a look see and to take some photos.  I took Heidi down to the lake edge with me to get some photos.  She was standing right beside me and I saw her lean down to take a drink out of the mostly frozen lake, then a splash as she went in.  She went under the water and couldn't get back up onto the shore because there was too much ice.  I grabbed her by her collar and just hauled on her.  I think I took three photos and then ran her up to the car to get her dried off and warmed up.  It scared not only her, I'll never forget the look in her eyes, but it scared me too.  I also wrenched my sore shoulder and my back, so that was fun.  Thankfully, she is fine.

Yesterday was 20C and Jack wanted to play in the backyard after daycare, except the backyard has a fair bit of dog poop out there right now.  We split the difference and he agreed to stay on the deck, with careful forays out into the yard to retrieve his balls.  He still managed to get dog poop on his back, no idea how he did that:)  But he was so happy to be playing outside.  I was tired and grumpy and trying to clean up the kitchen and thought, screw it.  I left the kitchen and sat with him on the deck while he had fun.  You never know how long the good weather will last in the spring.

Today it's 5C and the wind is blowing hard.  Friday it may snow, again.  Maybe that's why I'm tired:)

Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Medicine Lake.

Mountain sheep along the highway.

Pyramid Lake

 Athabasca Falls