I'm working on the little guy's quilt today in my freshly painted sewing room.  I have a wall that I can put my squares up on to look at patterns which helps me a lot.  It's not a fancy quilt but I love it, especially the cowboys on the horses.  It will come together very quickly which is nice because there is another quilt, more complicated that I want to get started on for my "adopted" granddaughter.

The sun is shining and I'll take Heidi for a walk later to get our fresh air and exercise.  The chickadees are flitting about the birdfeeders and I saw a woodpecker out there is morning too.  

I want to learn how to let go of my need to control things because it causes me so much grief.  I know why I like to control things, less anxiety in theory but of course that's not really true, it just causes more anxiety when things  don't go as planned.  

I guess I keep trying and keep learning.  Fortunately the universe in much more patient than I am and provides me with endless opportunities to learn how to give up control, if only I would.

I got the Christmas tree up yesterday which I like.  It adds light to the long, dark nights.

 And I love this little mouse who was sadly decapitated by the cat a few years ago.  Fortunately emergency surgery reattached his head and the scarf hides the suture line.

Yesterday I made gingerbread scones which were delicious.

Today I made Portuguese doughnuts which taste more like crullers and they're tasty as well.  I ate too many of them.

I'm bored.  The weather has turned and it's too damned cold to go for a walk, so I bake.  Could be worse, I could gamble or snort cocaine.  

Right now a trip to the grocery store is about as exciting as it gets.  

 My locker at work, masks and cookies.  What else does a person need to get through a pandemic?

I'm back to work this week but sore and tired still.  I can actually chew food again which is wonderful.  This morning I stopped at a bakery on the way home from dropping the big guy off at work and bought a gingerbread scone and an orange, cranberry brioche and ate them both.  My teeth fit together again!

Our Premier has put the whole Province back into lockdown which is a good thing because COVID numbers and deaths were rising rapidly and as predicted, the hospitals are overwhelmed.  No Christmas suppers which I'm okay with.  Not being able to see Miss Katie over Christmas will be awful though.  I've spent every Christmas day with her for the past twenty-eight years.  I imagine I will be weepy and we'll both survive.  

Katie had a meltdown the other day because she wanted her caregiver to drive to McDonalds and get some food.  The caregiver didn't have a vehicle so was unable.  Katie was hitting herself and crying.  She eventually took all of her clothes off and peed on the floor.  If only she had some way of letting people know how she really felt.  

The little guy remains with us most of the time.  He's been off since I fell and hurt myself.  Yesterday I slipped on some ice and yelled and he burst into tears.  Poor little guy.  He finally had a good night sleep last night, which was good for all of us, for the first time in a week.  I wonder if he's been having nightmares.

I've been doing some reading about 20 month old toddlers and talking to some young nurses at work about their kids around the same age.  It's been forever since I had a young toddler so it was good to refresh my memory.  He's pushing all our buttons lately, figuratively and literally, trying to see where the boundaries are for his behavior.  He's a smart little bugger but not as easy going as he once was.  This morning he actually cried when we dropped him off at daycare because he didn't want to let go of his poppa.  

Life continues on.  The sun is shining this morning and there was a woodpecker at the suet feeder. The days are short and the shadows are long.  The solstice will be here soon which I'm thankful for.  

I've done very little today.  Made supper already but I'm still in my jammies.  I was feeling sorry for myself and feeling very sore.  My jaw still doesn't work right and I still can't really chew.  I called a girlfriend which helped.  We talked for a long time and then I watched a movie called "The Secret, Dare To Dream" which is based on the book The Secret from all those years ago.  I just looked it up;  it was released in 2006.

I remember reading it at the time and it gave me hope.  I was in an awful marriage and the book gave me hope which is never a bad thing.  In 2008 my husband and I went to Hawaii for a vacation by ourselves for a week.  I wrote up a list of things I wanted in a partner and I buried it in the sand in Hawaii.  I asked the universe for what I wanted because I already knew I couldn't stay with my husband.

I wanted a tall man with blue eyes and gray hair.  I wanted him to be kind and funny and smart.  I don't remember what else I wrote but in 2011 I met the big guy.  He's a good man and I love him very much and I'm so thankful we met and married.

I remember other things I wanted.  To be hugged on a regular basis.  To walk dogs.  To read books.  It wasn't anything big but hugs was at the top of my list.  My ex didn't like hugging.  I need to be touched.

So the movie was nice.  Not great, quite predictable and slow but I still enjoyed it, sitting here by myself.  

My week is getting better.  My chin doesn't hurt but my neck and all the other bruises still hurt.  I found one on top of my head this morning when I had my shower.  My little finger still hurts but it's getting better too.  I don't know how people cope with large bones that have been broken, like the femur.  I was a mess with a little bone in my finger broken.  I asked the doc to make me look pretty when he stitched me up, obviously that didn't happen:)

I was home with the little guy when I fell.  He almost fell off the chair and I was rushing to catch him when my foot caught on his highchair.  He was fine and didn't fall, but I did.  The big guy wasn't home because he had gone to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription for our neighbor who had put her back out and couldn't move off the floor.  Her three kids took excellent care of her and her husband is back home now to take care of her.  

I called the big guy, he raced home and took me to emergency where I waited.  Everyone was so nice, the nurses, doctors and x-ray techs.  I even got a tetanus booster while I was there.

I didn't break my jaw but I sure smashed it hard.  I have been eating things that don't require chewing like ramen noodles, kraft dinner, yogurt and creme brulee.  Today I managed to chew a pancake, so progress.

COVID numbers continue to soar here thanks to our hapless premier.  Instead of imposing further restrictions on us, he has asked the Red Cross for field hospitals.  WTF!  He has been told over and over and over that COVID could overwhelm our healthcare system, which he would like privatize, but he didn't listen or didn't believe or didn't care.  And here we are.  Job done.

The little guy has a couple more nights with us and then his mama is off again.  When she works evenings she doesn't get to see him at all.  There is a COVID outbreak where she works and I worry about her.

I leave you with a lesson on mRNA vaccines.  Just click on the link below.

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I tripped yesterday, in the kitchen, but I broke the fall with my face, on a chair.  Ended up in emergency where I got stitches to my chin and a splint for my little finger.  I'm covered in bruises and scared the shit out of both my grandson and my husband.  I feel ninety years old but I'll heal.  My teeth still don't seem to match up very well but that will probably get better with time.  I'm so thankful it wasn't worse.

Off work again until next week.