Friday, January 19, 2018

This is one of the big guy's photos.  I'm pretty sure it's on the ice field parkway but not 100%.  That highway is the most beautiful road I've ever been on.  

I'm enjoying my reduction in hours at work.  I'm only working four days a week now and have a whole extra day every single week to do as I please.  Right now it pleases me to paint the big guy's house.  His daughter and family moved out of it in October and we have renters moving into it in a couple of weeks.  I'm basically repainting everything as I never did like the colors his daughter chose.  And she left a multitude of holes in the walls.  It's just easier to repaint.  I enjoy it and everything looks new and fresh.

The days are getting longer.  Last night I left work at 5pm and there was still light in the sky.  It was marvelous, and this morning the sun is just coming up now and it's only 8:30am.  The worst is behind us.

I'm feeling much better.  My son has moved out.  He continues to lie and mess up his life but I have stopped feeling responsible for his behavior and stopped feeling guilty as well.  I don't know if he'll ever figure it out but it's his life. 

The deep grief I felt at having my granddaughters torn out of my life is getting better.  I told the big guy that it was comparable to the grief I felt when Katie was diagnosed.  It was a death in the family.  I'm working my way through it.  I worry about my granddaughters and pray for them nightly but can do nothing.  It's difficult.

Things I'm thankful for today.

The big guy.
Going to visit my middle daughter in a few weeks.
Miss Katie is definitely not pregnant and will have bloodwork done to investigate her lack of periods.
Cannabis for Miss Katie.
Time to do nothing or anything.
Being the old nurse at work who can mentor.
A good book to read.

What are you thankful for today?

Monday, January 1, 2018

Last year kinda kick my ass.  I spent the last three weeks of the year on medical leave.  I'm feeling much better.  I'm thankful for anti depressants and thankful I found a good counsellor.  I've also had assigned reading which has been enlightening.  Apparently I'm not the only one with children who disappoint and abuse.

I have not been taking care of myself and that needs to change.  I told my son that when he got out of jail that we told him that he could stay with us for three months and that his three months were now up.  He looked a little surprised but said that he would move out next weekend, which I will hold him to.  My son is not going to change and I need to accept that.  I don't know why he does the things he does but it doesn't really matter.  His life is not my life.  I need to stand back.

I need to work on forgiving my step daughter which will not be easy.  She hurt me, she hurt her father and she hurt her daughters.  Adults are one thing but you do not hurt children, ever.  This one will require work.

I start working four days a week now which will help me find more balance between work and my life.  I need time to exercise and relax.

I have also started quilting which I'm enjoying.  I love learning new skills.  I want to make my children and grandchildren quilts as keepsakes.  Something to remember me by when I'm gone, which hopefully won't be for a long time.

I'm thankful that I'm healthy and that my family is healthy.

I'm thankful for my friends.

I'm thankful for beautiful sunrises.

I'm thankful for home baking.

I'm thankful for a place to share my thoughts.

I'm thankful I continue to grow and learn.

I'm thankful for a small beagle who likes to sit on my lap and keep me warm.

What are you thankful for?