The trees are changing colour, putting on their fall colours.  Most importantly, the days are not so hot, and the nights are nice and cool.

Jack started school yesterday and "It was the best day ever!"

I bought a secondhand bike so I can keep up with Jack on his bike.  The bike is comfortable which is good news for my behind.  I took the bike out for a short ride this morning.  It's been fifty years since I rode a coaster bike, no handbrake, and I think I will have handbrakes added to the bike, either that or run into things:)

Mother nature is doing her job, getting all the flowers and plants ready for winter.  The asters are blooming.

I took both dogs out for a walk this morning.  Nothing much going on which is quite peaceful.

A slightly poisonous toadstool, with some halucinogenic qualities, just growing along the pathway.  I've been digging up baby spruce trees where these mushrooms grow and transplanting them to the pathway behind our house.  There used to be five columnar poplars growing there but they were cut down by the county because the trees were dying.  And now, five years later, still no replacement trees, so I though I would take matters into my own hands.  The spruce are very tiny, maybe three inches tall, but they'll get bigger, eventually.  I also picked some rosehips from the wild roses and planted those as well.  While I'm at it, I think I'll try planting some dogwood berries there as well.  

A few years ago I tried growing oak trees from the acorns, with limited success, but I did give some of those trees away to a colleague who lives on an acreage, and those trees are still alive.  As I've been walking on the paths, and through the woods, behind our house, I've noticed probably half a dozen oak trees trying to grow.  One was doing very well, and was probably four feet tall.  The others look only a year old and I'm sure were a result of a forgetful squirrel.  I hope they survive the winter.

We went to court this morning and asked the judge to restrict Gracie's visits to only supervised visits, once a week.  The application was granted and Gracie's sister will once again supervise visits between Gracie and Jack.  Gracie didn't object.  We don't have to go back until April, unless things change.  So good news but both hubby and I are exhausted, mentally.  

Last night Jack had a giant melt down, complete with screaming, crying, punching, and trying to break the glass door of the office.  We both stayed calm for Jack.  I think he needed to discharge his anger at life, and at his mom.  He was fine last night afterwards and slept well last night.  We did talk about how dangerous punching or banging a glass door is and what could happen if the glass broke.  He seemed to listen and understand.  All the anger seems drained out of him though, thankfully.

Life continues on, the days are shorter, the nights are longer and cooler.  The leaves have started to change colour and summer is ending.  Jack starts school on Thursday, and he's excited about that.  I'm planting trees and I'm excited about that.

I couldn't figure out who this photo belonged to but it definitely makes a point.  I'll try to start answering comments again, but I lack energy right now.  Sorry.

 

When I'm feeling down, I tend to drag all the bad stuff closer to me, to wallow in it, to confirm my belief that the world is not a good place.  Except that it's not true.  There is much good in the world, there are loving parents, there are people who dedicate their lives to helping others, and there are dogs.

I took this photo of Charlie last night.  It's hard to believe that a year ago I considered getting rid of him.  He's not without his issues but every morning he wags his tail and greets me as if I am his long lost best friend.  He loves me and I love him.

I worked yesterday and remembered how hard it is to care for dying people, both physically and mentally.  By the end of the day, the big guy and I were both exhausted when we picked up Jack from daycare.

On Wednesday, I served both Gracie and her mom with the court documents.  Gracie is angry as hell with her mom and me;  she didn't say a word to either of us when we stopped by her apartment to drop of the documents and a tablet.  Gracie is convinced that all will be resolved if she has a job.  In the last year and a half she has only worked two weeks.  I agree that she needs a job but she also needs to be sober.  She no longer recieves any money from the government for Jack.  We applied to the CRA to have Jack declared as our dependent and the CRA agreed, which means no more child benefits for her, about $900/month when they're all added up.

I had a long talk with Jack's grandma on Wednesday.  I drove out to her lake lot to pick her up and drive her home, as she has no car right now.  She agreed that she can't see Gracie ever being able to raise Jack, she can't even take care of herself.  That helped, hearing that.  I also told her that I made a conscious decision to give Jack the best care that I can, until he's an adult.  I hope that helped her as well.

Other than that, I have my garden, a good book and dogs to walk.  

I don't have much right now, feeling down and tired.  We saw the lawyer this morning and back to court next week.  I haven't even felt like going through my photos and processing them.  Here's a few.

 

Flowers on top of Mount Revestoke.

 Creamer, Creamy or Creamsicle.

I had a lovely visit with my brother, his wife and my nephew.  I'll write about everything another day but everything is good and I'm thankful for that.

Penticton is a beautiful place but hot as hell.  I walked a couple of days on this trail and enjoyed it very much.  The trail runs along the lake and through vineyards.

On the drive home yesterday I got a message from Jack's grandma.  She had left Jack with Gracie for one night, because they switched nights.  When she called in the morning to say she was on her way to pick up Jack, Gracie sounded off.  Grandma raced over there; nobody would answer the phone, to buzz her into the bulding.  Somebody finally let her into the building, when they were either coming or going.  She knocked on the apartment door but nobody would answer.  She finally told Jack, through the door, that it was her, and he let her in.  Jack had a tablet that he was playing on, and his mom and her drug buddy were passed out on a bed.  The phone was smashed.  She took Jack with her and then contacted me.  Jack is not going back there for weekends, and grandma and auntie are in agreement with this.  I'll have to contact our lawyer on Monday because we'll have to go back to court.

And Jack, he's kind of withdrawn today and cries easily.  Last night he was doing his blinking thing, which is his tell that he's stressed.  We're being gentle with him and he goes back to the psychologist in a few weeks.  Hubby and I are angry and stressed.  I'm exhausted and my shoulders are tight as hell, but this will pass.  I'm going to ask our lawyer about terminating Gracie's parental rights; I would never stop him from visiting her but it seems unlikely that she will ever be in a place where she can raise him.  

I guess we'll see what happens.  Gracie did phone her mom and wanted to know when she was dropping Jack off for this weekend.  Her mom told her, that is not happening, so good for grandma.  It took awhile but it seems she is fully on team Jack.  

To be honest, we knew this would happen eventually.  Gracie usually goes off the rails around this time of year, every year.  She still doesn't have job, and she no longer gets any child benefits for Jack because they have been transferred to me.  When I asked her if she had a job, back in July, she told me that she had a boyfriend who supports her.  I'm guessing he's out of the picture if she's passed out in bed with her old drug buddy, the one who lives with his mom.  So, no money and no boyfriend now.

Sigh.  I need a walk.

 

I made it to my brother's and I'm having a lovely visit.  We had a long talk last night and it was good.

I stopped at Mount Revelstoke on the way here to stop and take photos of the Meadows in the Sky.  The flowers weren't as prolific as they were ten years ago but still a good little hike.  It was quiet up there.

I'm relaxing.  My brother and I took their dog for a nice long walk this morning.  The dog ended up in the lake so he could cool off. He's a very sweet dog.

I'm a fan of tansy, even though it means that summer is passing.  Soon the wild asters will bloom, if they haven't already, and it will mean that summer is coming to an end soon.

I'm leaving for a visit with my brother tomorrow.  I'll stop in Revelstoke to take photos and hopefully get some good ones.  Jack will be with his grandma and the dogs and hubby are staying home.  I'm looking forward to visiting with my brother.

I hope.

Images of the Jasper Wildfire, they broke my heart yesterday when I saw them.  The fire is still burning but Jasper townsite is relatively safe now and people are being allowed back to look at what's left of their homes.  They are only being allowed to go into Jasper by bus, and I doubt they'll be allowed off the bus.  Our friend already sent us a photo of what's left of his house, I can't imagine.

But the images reminded me of how I'm feeling today.  I really feel like I don't have a clue how to deal with Jack; I feel like my life and his life have been blown up.  He stayed home with me yesterday because he wasn't feeling 100% and to be honest, it was not a good day.  He seesawed back and forth from happy to sad and angry.  He doesn't know what's going on with himself and I don't know either.  Sadly, I get my feelings hurt easily, even by a five year old, and when that happens, I fold up to protect myself.  I feel like I'm failing, again.  

I know the feelings will pass, but today, they are upon me.

Update, I walked the dogs for an hour and feel somewhat better.

There is very little going on in my life right now, which is not a bad thing.  Jack spent the weekend with Gracie and came back tired and grumpy.  It's taken two days for him to recover.  I want to make things better for him but I'm not sure how.  He acts out a lot and yesterday, pushed his best friend to the ground at the playground.  There was a lot of crying, both boys, and we finally left after an apology was made. Last night he was telling me that his whole body hurt and I wonder if it's literal or emotional pain.

Jack has very little impulse control which is not abnormal but I also know how hard that makes life, because I'm the same way.  I am much better than when I was a young woman but I don't want impulses to control his life, like they did mine.  I'm hoping that he and I can both improve over the coming year.  

Jack is stubborn, contrary, smart, emotional, sensitive, and tenacious; as I said, he's a lot like me.  But he also has to learn to deal with his mother.  I wish, so much, that we could have a camera in that apartment to see how she deals with him.  He gets upset when I laugh because he thinks I'm laughing at him.  I'm not, I'm happy to see him enjoying himself.  He gets angry when he has to transition to another task and tells us that we're not nice to him.  

Our contact with Gracie is minimal.  She doesn't like us, resents us, and we don't trust her.  It almost feels like a divorce situation, shuttling a child back and forth between households.  I know children survive childhoods like this but I don't just want him to survive, I want him to thrive, to be all that he can be. Sigh.  Is that even possible?  

Anyway, that's me for today.  Here's a funny though.

We have a squirrel who has discovered our birdfeeder and who likes to mock the dogs.  Even after it knew it had been seen by both us and the dogs, it continued to eat, calm as can be.  Charlie obviously didn't see the squirel but Heidi was sitting with us on the deck and definitely saw the squirrel.

Rudbeckia, I am a fan.

I worked yesterday and was exhausted after work, as usual.  I slept like the dead last night.  I'm so thankful I retired and when my coworkers asked how retirement was, I told them I gave it two thumbs up.

I was in the interventional suite yesterday morning and I was busy flushing the port before the doc needed it but out of the corner of my eye, I could see the doc standing with his hand out.  I turned around and said, "What do you need sweetie?".  OMG.  I spend a lot of time with a five year old obviously and call him sweetie.  This is the same doc we all had so much trouble with for years but who has made a 180 degree turn and is now so nice to work with.  At the end of the case he gave me a high five.  The nurse and the tech in the next case called him sweetie as well, it was a thing all day.  When I saw him at the end of the day he was still chuckling when he saw me in the hall.  

The fire in Jasper National Park continues to grow.  Last night it grew by 24%, or 95,000 acres.  The town is mostly safe now but not liveable at present.  It continues to be hot here, although rain has been forecast for most of next week which should help.

Retirement is slowly taking shape.  I walk the dogs for an hour each morning and then do what I want.  I always thought that I don't clean the bathrooms more often because I didn't have time.  Turns out that was a lie.  My bathrooms don't get cleaned anymore than they did when I was working.  

I picked up an old linen chest at a thrift store a couple of weeks ago and I've been working on it.  It had some damage, not much, and mostly just needed a good clean and some sanding.  It's looking nice and I'll use it in the basement bedroom for linen storage and someplace for visitors to leave their suitcase, so the suitcase isn't on the floor.

I've been putzing in the garden and taking Jack out of daycare at least once a week to spend time at the spray park, something he loves.  I take a camp chair and a book and he has a great time playing in the water.  I have quilts to work on this winter which should keep me busy enough, plus an elipitcal trainer to use when it's too cold to walk outside.

Suppers are not rushed and I've lost that stress that I always had, do I have what I need to make suppers and lunches?  Is the laundry caught up?  When can I fit in Katie's appointments, as well as mine and Jack's?  I have time for this now and it's a nice feeling.  Plus I'm not exhausted at the end of the day, I don't feel like garbage.

So far, retirement=two thumbs up.