There is very little going on in my life right now, which is not a bad thing. Jack spent the weekend with Gracie and came back tired and grumpy. It's taken two days for him to recover. I want to make things better for him but I'm not sure how. He acts out a lot and yesterday, pushed his best friend to the ground at the playground. There was a lot of crying, both boys, and we finally left after an apology was made. Last night he was telling me that his whole body hurt and I wonder if it's literal or emotional pain.
Jack has very little impulse control which is not abnormal but I also know how hard that makes life, because I'm the same way. I am much better than when I was a young woman but I don't want impulses to control his life, like they did mine. I'm hoping that he and I can both improve over the coming year.
Jack is stubborn, contrary, smart, emotional, sensitive, and tenacious; as I said, he's a lot like me. But he also has to learn to deal with his mother. I wish, so much, that we could have a camera in that apartment to see how she deals with him. He gets upset when I laugh because he thinks I'm laughing at him. I'm not, I'm happy to see him enjoying himself. He gets angry when he has to transition to another task and tells us that we're not nice to him.
Our contact with Gracie is minimal. She doesn't like us, resents us, and we don't trust her. It almost feels like a divorce situation, shuttling a child back and forth between households. I know children survive childhoods like this but I don't just want him to survive, I want him to thrive, to be all that he can be. Sigh. Is that even possible?
Anyway, that's me for today. Here's a funny though.
OMG ... I love that T-shirt! Kamala picked Tim Walz of MN to be her VP! I was hoping for Pete Buttigieg, but Tim will have to do!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry Jack has to spend any time at all with Gracie ... he will carry the invisible scars she has given him! You and his Grandpa have to be his soothing balm on those scars!
We all carry these invisible scars and I'm sure I cause some as well. It's heartbreaking some days though.
DeleteHas there been any sort of professional who has talked to Jack about his visits with his mother? I mean like a child psychologist. I'm sure there has been but it just sounds to me like things are not good there at all.
ReplyDeleteWe did take Jack to a child psychologist for about six months but I don't know if it helped or not. It's so expensive but I think we'll try it again.
DeleteCaring for this boy is a long journey. You are there for him, especially when he gets a bit older and able to communicate better. But why does his mother even want to spend time with him if she so clearly resents it and treats him so poorly?
ReplyDeleteGracie believes she is a good mother. You know how hard beliefs are to shake. I also don't think that she sees her treatment as bad, it's just how she is. She's not one to look in the mirror.
DeleteAfter reading your text and feeling bad for you in difficult circumstances, I laughed at the tee shirt.
ReplyDeleteLove that t-shirt and love Ryan Reynolds.
DeleteI have not the faintest idea of how to help Jack deal with his mother. He shouldn't hve to "deal with" anybody at his age. He probably does need some professional help, would the courts help with that? Love that tee shirt.
ReplyDeleteThe courts won't help with counselling, nor will social services. It's on us. Jack's other grandma said we need to teach Jack how to be safe with his mama. I told her it's our job to keep Jack safe. He will have to deal with his mom his whole life though and will need a lot of skills to deal with her. Back to the pyschologist.
DeleteI feel so sad that Jack and you are stuck in this cycle!! You and the Big Guy are the only two advocates for him :(
ReplyDeleteI feel sad that we're here too and feel stuck.
DeleteAlthough not as dire, I could see the Gracie situation happening with my youngest grandson. It scares me to think about it. If only we could remove the toxic people from their lives and protect them from these awful situations! I love the shirt and hope it comes true. This morning, I donated to the Harris/Walz campaign. Fingers crossed!
ReplyDeleteI guess there will always be toxic people in our lives, just that Jack gets to learn this one very early. Sigh.
DeleteI hope Kamala removes the orange stain too:)
I would buy that t-shirt! I see in the comments above that you answered my child psychology question. Should have read this post first!
ReplyDelete