Images of the Jasper Wildfire, they broke my heart yesterday when I saw them. The fire is still burning but Jasper townsite is relatively safe now and people are being allowed back to look at what's left of their homes. They are only being allowed to go into Jasper by bus, and I doubt they'll be allowed off the bus. Our friend already sent us a photo of what's left of his house, I can't imagine.
But the images reminded me of how I'm feeling today. I really feel like I don't have a clue how to deal with Jack; I feel like my life and his life have been blown up. He stayed home with me yesterday because he wasn't feeling 100% and to be honest, it was not a good day. He seesawed back and forth from happy to sad and angry. He doesn't know what's going on with himself and I don't know either. Sadly, I get my feelings hurt easily, even by a five year old, and when that happens, I fold up to protect myself. I feel like I'm failing, again.
I know the feelings will pass, but today, they are upon me.
Update, I walked the dogs for an hour and feel somewhat better.
The court system needs to get this together. That boy is what is important. Period. I am so sorry for you and for him. You are trying. The system doesn't seem to be listening. Sometimes a 5 year-old can hurt us more than any adult.
ReplyDeleteThe court won't stop it because it can't really, unless she's harming him, physically. Five year olds, especially ones who know you quite well, can definitely hurt you. They know the tender parts.
DeleteThat is heartbreaking. I can't imagine seeing my home destroyed like that. All the memories and keepsakes, gone. Some days we feel like failures at everything and nothing works. Sandra is right that kids can hurt us more than adults because we care so much about their health (mental and physical) and well-being. I would like to see how Jack does without Gracie in his life but that's probably not a possibility.
ReplyDeleteOur friend is resilient but I know he's lost all the photos of his late wife and her quilts.
DeleteJack will have to deal with Gracie for the rest of his life, regardless.
I cannot believe that the only criteria that is considered is whether or not Gracie is harming Jack physically. That is barbaric.
ReplyDeleteYou have to remember that the only reason Jack lashes out at you is because he has these emotions that he cannot control and he knows you love him and will still love him after his outbursts.
I can't imagine losing everything in a fire like that. I know people survive those sorts of losses but it must be just completely overwhelming.
I know why he does it but it still hurts. I'll live.
DeleteI went to school with a woman who survived a flood and a fire, she said the fire was worse because they were able to save some things from the flood. On the upside, no death cleaning:)
Are you and Jack having therapy to help both of you deal with all of the difficulties you encounter with Gracie? What you’re doing for him is invaluable, but it does take a toll. Margaret
ReplyDeleteI actually made an appointment for myself today. I'll go from there.
DeleteThat's a good idea. xoxo
DeleteThe fire looks horrendous. It is so sad for people and for animals. I have nothing useful to say about Jack beyond just keep on at it.
ReplyDeleteThe big animals are moving back in but the smaller animals probably died in the fire. So far there has only been one fatality from the fire, a young firefighter who was killed by a falling tree.
DeleteLosing it all, and all at once, is just incomprehensible. Where do you start rebuilding, and how? The good thing about the blog, and google photos, is that they're in the cloud. My photo albums would be toast. I would miss my shoes a lot.
ReplyDeleteI would lose my photo albums as well but really, those photos are only important to me, not to my children. I will eventually have to let go of everything, I think a fire is like ripping a bandaid off.
DeleteLosing your home and all your possessions like that has to be so devastating. You can probably replace most of it, but not the sentimental stuff of course. I think about that when I'm piddling round here trying to get one or two things out of the house - what if it all just went up in smoke? For me, in my own little world, it would just prove how little "stuff" matters to me (but not the memories). How terrible for your friend. And I'm so sorry Jack is lashing out. Gracie has a lot to answer for!
ReplyDeleteIt's strange to think about death but losing everything makes me think about it. About losing everything, about being erased.
DeleteI wish they would take Jack's mental health into consideration. Words can hurt from any age. I hope you can access therapy for him too, in time. Gracie's family ought to be ashamed of themselves too at this point.
ReplyDeleteIf they took his mental health into consideration, how many children would still be with their parents?
DeleteFingers crossed for you. Margaret
ReplyDeleteThanks sweetie.
DeleteI'm glad walking the dogs helped. And I'm also glad to see in the comments above that you're looking into therapy. Does Jack see a child psychologist, and if not, could he benefit from one? Ms Moon is spot-on when she says he lashes out at you because he feels safe in doing so, and he has to release those pent-up emotions.
ReplyDelete