My first mug, back from the new studio I'm going to.  I love that colour so much.  I'm still making mostly mugs, still hoping to improve on them.  Hubby has been 3D printing me rollers to use on the clay, this design is one of those rollers.

 All of the crabapple trees are in bloom.  We don't get cherry blossoms here but we do get gorgeous crabapples blossoms and the scent is worth the mess in the fall when all the crabapples drop on the driveway.

Jack's been having a hard time with hay fever and his eyes.  We ended up going to see a doctor yesterday, I was worried he might have scratched his cornea because he said the pain was so awful.  The doc decided it was probably either pink eye (I don't think so, no discharge), or allergies.  She ordered drops and they are helping already.

I met a new GP yesterday and she has agreed to take me on as a patient.  She's also only ten minutes away, as opposed to the last one who was a 30 minute drive, longer in the winter.  She also looks young enough to still be working when I'm an even older lady:)

Really not much going on.  Walk dogs.  Do a little pottery.  Put laundry away.  Pick Jack up from school.  Katie is doing well, which I appreciate and my son starts back to school in October for carpentry.  I'm very proud of him.  He's trying to rebuild his life and it's not an easy thing to do.

I've been taking Heidi to the dog park once in awhile.  Charlie is still an asshole, so he doesn't get to come.  I tried to take him for a walk yesterday afternoon and he was too busy barking at the dog on the corner, through the fence.  I was mad and told him, "That's it, we're not going for a walk."  It might have been quite hot too.  I took him earlier this morning and it worked out better.  I wasn't so hot and bitchy.

I was sad for a couple of days, things happened, I got sad.  But this time I just let it be and acknowledged that I was sad and that was ok.  Sad is a part of grief.  And today, I feel much better.  I didn't go down the rabbit hole of depression, but just Named it to Tame it.  I even told myself that it was ok to feel sad, instead of pretending I wasn't sad, or beating myself up for feeling sad.  This shit works:)

Who knew that emotions could come and go, like waves on a beach?  Well, a lot of people actually, but not me.  

My friend with multiply myeloma saw her oncologist and got an update.  He said she's doing well enough to come off the drug she's been on for the last eight years, an immunomodulator.  He told her she can give her body a rest for a couple of months and he's given her a few more years, based on how she's doing.  Happy news, but of course I cried when she told me in the middle of the greenhouse.  He also has no idea what's causing her dizziness, but the GI problems are likely linked to the drug.  She feels better already.

Katie meets with the person who will assess her to see if she's competent (Katie, not the woman), tomorrow morning.  This is for the trusteeship.  I'm going too.  Should be interesting.  My ex husband is sulking because he wasn't consulted on something that he forgot to fill in on the trusteeship forms.  Oh well.

My husband is making me two new planters which should last for the next twenty years.  They are solid and I can't wait to plant some flowers in them.  It's hot as hell here but is supposed to cool down on the weekend.

Life goes on. 

 AI

Data Centers and Water Consumption

Data center developers are increasingly tapping into freshwater resources to quench the thirst of data centers, which is putting nearby communities at risk.

Large data centers can consume up to 5 million gallons per day, equivalent to the water use of a town populated by 10,000 to 50,000 people.

With larger and new AI-focused data centers, water consumption is increasing alongside energy usage and carbon emissions.

Novel technologies like direct-to-chip cooling and immersion cooling can reduce water and energy usage by data centers.

How much water does AI consume? The public deserves to know

Air pollution and carbon emissions are well-known environmental costs of AI. But, a much lesser-known fact is that AI models are also water guzzlers. They consume fresh water in two ways: onsite server cooling (scope 1) and offsite electricity generation (scope 2).

Scope-1 onsite water consumption: AI servers’ massive energy consumption generates much heat. To dissipate the heat into the outside environment and avoid server overheating, data centres commonly use cooling towers and/or outside air, which need a staggering amount of clean, fresh water. Cooling towers rely on water evaporation to produce cold water, and outside air needs water for evaporation assistance when it’s too hot and for humidity control when it’s too dry. Because of the high power densities of AI servers, on-chip liquid cooling may be employed: closed-loop circulating liquid directly moves the heat from the servers to the data centre facility (e.g., the facility’s cooling water loop). Then, the heat moved to the facility will be rejected by cooling towers or outside air, which consumes water.

Scope-2 offsite water consumption: Generating electricity also consumes a lot of water through cooling at thermal power and nuclear plants and expedited water evaporation caused by hydropower plants. Thus, AI is responsible for scope-2 offsite water consumption.

How Much Water Does ChatGPT Use? Calculate Your AI Footprint

Right now, the Alberta government is keen on AI data centres, despite droughts and a lack of electricity.  But why would the facts slow down a provincial government, so intent on their own interests that they ignore what Albertans want or need?

How Might this Affect Affordability and Quality of Life for Albertans?

Albertans are already familiar with — and sensitive to — billing shocks and problems with grid reliability. In early 2024, during a cold snap, plant outages and forecasting errors resulted in  rolling brownouts. Grid alerts have become more frequent, and experts argue there’s a need for a cleaner, more flexible system to help keep the lights on and the system affordable.

Meeting the demand for AI, which requires tens of gigawatts beyond what the grid already produces, could affect the quality of life for Albertans in several ways. These data centres could:

Drive up the price for power if gas plants or transmission upgrades cost more than planned, especially if tech companies negotiate favourable rates that shift the cost of power generation to the general public. 

Increase noise and air quality concerns for people living near the sites. On-site gas plants and large cooling systems have affected people living near data centres in other communities, and have been a major concern for citizens of Olds, where the Synapse data centre has been proposed.

Require upgrades to water infrastructure, with citizens paying for some of the cost. This has also happened in other communities where data centres have been built. 

While the Alberta government has introduced legislation (Bill 8) to help encourage tech companies to build self-powered data centres, their impact will still have to be carefully managed. Experts warn the balance between private benefit and public cost will depend on how deals are structured and regulated. 

Ironically, google used AI to give me this information.  I don't think we can afford to use AI.  I think the cost is too high.  That's just my opinion.  Most animals understand that you don't shit in your own next but some people don't understand that.  We are connected to the land, to the air, and to the water.  What happens to the land, air, and water, happens to us as well, and not just us, but future generations as well.  We need to do better.

Spring has finally arrived.  I burned some old branches this morning and planted the rest of my tomato plants.  I walked both the dogs, not at the same time, and I changed all the bedding to the summer quilts and summer sheets.  I even gave my mattress a turn for good measure.

Yesterday we paid off our mortgage.  We are very happy and will have a surplus every month now.  Not even sure what we'll do with that.  We still have one more bathroom, the master bedroom ensuite, which needs to be gutted and redone.

I talked my brother the other day for almost an hour.  He's retired now and much happier.  His wife is going to retire in 18 months and they're looking forward to that.  They're also going to move back to Red Deer to be near her mother and some of her sisters.  They'll only be a two hour drive away.  I am excited and so looking forward to seeing more of them.  My sister is law is more like a sister to me and is one of the best people I know.  

My brother and I were talking about my dad and how afraid of the world he was and how all of his control issues really came down to the fact that he wanted to keep his family safe.  I don't think he ever felt safe growing up and certainly didn't during the war either.  He never got over the war and it coloured everything that came after.  The anger and control were how he coped with what happened.

Of course children run from control and anger scares the shit out of them (it did me anyway).  Dad's anger controlled the house because nobody wanted dad to be angry, it was too awful.  But as we aged, my brother and I, our world got bigger and we grew less afraid of dad.  And as I write these words I know my dad would have been horrified to know that we were afraid of him and his anger.  He did his best and it was better by far that what his parents were able to do for him.  We had a roof over our heads, shoes on our feet, he didn't hit us, and we never went hungry.  By his standards he was an amazing dad.

My husband has a hard time with my son and Jack's other family.  He doesn't want them to hurt Jack, except they will hurt Jack.  All parents hurt their children at sometime, even the best parents.  All children hurt their parents.  It seems to be the way of the world.  We can't protect Jack from hurt and suffering, all we can do is to give him the skills he will need to deal with the pain and suffering life will most certainly mete out to him.  He will probably break at least one bone.  He will have his heart broken more than once.  He will be disappointed a lot by those he loves and even those he holds in high esteem.  Life is not about avoiding suffering, but in finding some kind of meaning in the suffering that does happen.  At least that's what I think.

One of my pottery pieces.  I like how the cobalt stain showed up under the glaze.

We had new windows installed last week.  This is Jack's room, complete with Lego.

I hate chaos but I did pretty well with the mess.  The front room window damn near killed the young guys installing the windows.  The window is eight feet tall and triple paned.  Hopefully it will keep the house cooler this summer.  The plants are back in place, everything is back in place and Charlie can now relax again.

The windows were crappy windows, twenty-six years old and needed to be replaced, so I'm glad they're done.  We also had white plastic trim put around the windows so that I won't have to paint the trim as I age, seemed like a wise choice so that we can age in place.

Yesterday I went to see the new counselor for Jack.  She was wonderful and at the end of the hour, I had hope that she can help make his life better, not just now, but in the future as well.  She listened to me tell his story, along with everything else (felt like verbal diarrhea) and then asked, "Who do you talk to?  Who supports you?"

My main support is my best friend who has multiply myeloma, which of course made me cry when I told her.  And now I have new friends through my pottery and book club, and those ladies are amazing too.  I may vent to them as well, maybe:)

The counselor has a lot of experience with trauma attachment, how it happens, how it affects people, and how to mitigate the damage.  She also said that she will work with Jack, and with me and Jack as well.  It is a collaborative process.  

So that's it.  Life continues on.  Jack's cough lingers.  I'm off to walk the dogs before pottery this morning.  And then pottery, friends, and laughter (good for the soul).

 

Not one of my flowers, but a sunflower from the greenhouse a few weeks ago.

My friend hasn't been feeling well, the one with multiple myeloma.  She called me yesterday and asked for my help which is only the second time that she's ever done that.  I drove over, picked her up, and took her to her doctor's appointment.  Sadly it was her GP who knows nothing about multiple myeloma, because it's not a very common cancer.  Tomorrow she has an appointment with her oncologist and I hope he can give her some answers as to what is going on.

There is a lot of drama going on in her family, not with her kids, but with her sister and nephews and none of them seem to understand, or care, that she has cancer and that she is exhausted.  They're all too busy shitting on her. 

Jack went to stay with his mom and aunt on Saturday night.  The aunt supposedly stayed there.  Perhaps we should have asked to see a selfie with a timestamp on it.  The aunt believes she knows best.  When Jack came home early, his aunt said she thought his allergies were acting up.  Jack was filthy, visibly exhausted, congested, and when I checked him, he had a fever.  He didn't eat much but I got him cleaned up and he was sound asleep by 6:15pm.  Usually he goes to sleep around 8pm now.  He was still sick yesterday poor guy, but his fever is gone and I sent him off to school this morning.

I was going to go to the pottery studio this morning but thought I would enjoy working outside just as much, so I spent some time cleaning up the front yard and flower garden and planted two more blue  delphiniums out there.  I'm looking forward to seeing what they look like when they've grown, standing beside the yellow ligularia and trollius.

I'm going to work out in the back yard now. I've done some clean up there there there is always something to do, and I'll walk the dogs.  I'm going to take Heidi to the vet because I think it's her back that is hurting so much.  

Katie is ok.  I took her out for lunch on Sunday and she wasn't agitated but she was just so tired.  It's been a tough five months for her I think.  

I'm going to meet with a new counselor this afternoon, one recommended for Jack by one of the psychiatrists last fell.  The counselor has experience in trauma attachment.  Yay, I get to tell his story again, because that's not awful.  Fuck.

I looked up trauma attachment disorder and found this.  Doesn't sound like me at all.  I don't want this for Jack.

I think most of the baby boomers ended up with this from parents who were traumatized from the WW11, and their parents were traumatized from WW1, and so on and so on.  You'd hope that humans had evolved more by this time but it appears we haven't, I haven't I know.  I fail often, fuck up, and then try again, only to be thwarted by myself and my fears.  
 

I caught this mountain sheep lamb rubbing it's head last weekend and the photo turned out well.  Blogger would not accept it at first because the file was too large, but I remembered how to change it to a JPG and voila, Blogger was happy to accept it.  Look at me being all technical.  I still think the PDF means pretty dense file, even though I know it really means portable document format (and yes, I had to look it up because I couldn't remember), but whatever.

Jack's other guardians wanted him to have an unsupervised sleepover at his mom's this weekend and I said no.  I stood up for myself, and for Jack.  Every time his grandma and aunt have said, Jack's mom is fine, she's not and this has caused so much trauma for Jack.  I told grandma that and requested a guardian meeting before anything like unsupervised sleepovers happen.  My husband and I want to see Gracie's apartment, we want proof that she has changed, that she's capable of keeping Jack safe.  Haven't heard back.

When we went to my niece's wedding last fall, Jack stayed at his grandma's house and she was supposed to be supervising Jack's mom, but she went out to a Halloween party.  Jack's mom watched a scary movie that Jack saw as well, and now almost seven months later, Jack is still sleeping in our beds because he's too scared to sleep alone.

Stuff like this has happened again and again over the past four years and my husband and I are left to deal with the consequences.  I also said that to grandma, and the fact that I'm giving up my retirement to raise my grandson.  Jack's mom continues to lie to him about her drinking, drug use, and past behavior and has never apologized to him or us for all of the shit she has put us through.  Not to mention the huge issues Jack has around seeing any kind of alcohol.  We start seeing a new counselor next week to help Jack deal with his trauma attachment problems.  

I felt uncomfortable saying all of this but nothing I said was untrue and keeping it inside of me is leading to resentment, not towards Jack but towards his mom, his grandma, and his aunt.  It's so hard for me to do this but I'm tired of being everyone's doormat.

Otherwise, life is fine.  Katie has been fine.  My son was happy to report that he is now signing the hour cards for the temp workers at the construction company he's working at.  A year ago, he was the temp worker needing his card signed.  He's doing well and starts at NAIT in the fall to do his first year of carpentry.  I'm proud of him.  He's in his forties now and it would be easy for him to just lay down and feel sorry for himself, but he's working two jobs and sees both his sons now.  He still has work to do but it's a beginning and I'm thankful for that.

I'm reading a new book for our Pottery Book Club, "The Correspondent" by Virginia Evans and I'm enjoying it. It's a book of letters that the main character has written over the years so at first it seems one sided but when I started thinking about it, that's how we live our lives, one sided.  None of us really knows how other people think or feel, except what they choose to tell us, and even then, many people (myself included), don't understand why they do the things they do.

Self reflection is hard and uncomfortable and requires some maturity I think.  God knows I had very little self reflection as a young woman.  It was all about me, me, me.  After Katie, everything changed and even now, writing her name brings tears to me eyes.  My counselor asked me if I thought I had any PTSD and I'm going to go with yes.  Katie's diagnosis and my life since then changed me.  Maybe Katie and I are too closely enmeshed.  I found this article.

"The causes of enmeshment can vary. Sometimes there is an event or series of occurrences in a family's history that necessitates a parent becoming protective in their child's life, such as an illness, trauma, or significant social problems in elementary school. At this time the parent steps in to intervene. While this intervention may have been appropriate at the time, some parents get stuck using that same approach in new settings and become overly involved in the day to day interactions of their children.

Other times, and perhaps more frequently, enmeshment occurs as a result of family patterns being passed down through the generations. It is a result of family and personal boundaries becoming more and more permeable, undifferentiated, and fluid. This may be because previous generations were loose in their personal boundaries and so it was learned by the next generation to do the same. Or it may be a conscious decision to stay away from family patterns of a previous generation that felt overly rigid in its personal boundaries."

It was an interesting read and something for me to think about.  Certainly Katie and I are far too close because when she hurts, I hurt and vice versa.  

On the upside, I am practicing letting go of my emotions, naming them, feeling them, and then moving on.  When I'm very upset and ready to cry (often), I use techniques to quiet my mind, like naming things that I can see to get my mind out of it's rut.  It's been helping.  I'm learning new tricks:)

This is one of my favorite places near Jasper, a grove of aspen trees (I think they're aspen but not 100% sure).  We visit this grove every time we visit Jasper.

Before I picked up Katie yesterday morning, I asked her caregiver to give Katie an ativan.  They were out of ativan.  Sigh.  I swore and asked her to call the pharmacy and get the pharmacy to call the psychiatrist to get a refill.  I also left a message for the psychiatrist to reorder the ativan and tylenol #3.  Then we left and I found a cannabis store that was open, hoping that a cannabis gummy, which she was also out of, would do the trick.

The only cannabis store that I could find that was open was close to the clinic we were going to.  Katie and I went in and I bought a package with 10 gummies that had a tiny bit of THC and more CBD.  Katie wouldn't eat it but wanted a hug from the sales lady.  I asked the sales lady if she would mind giving Katie a hug, and she said sure.  I told Katie she could hug the lady, but first, she had to eat the gummy.  Done.  Lovely young lady.

We made it to the clinic in time and were whisked back to see the doctor.  They wanted to weigh Katie but the weigh scale footprint was too tiny for Katie to put both feet on.  I hadn't realized that Katie needed her feet to be so far apart to stay upright.  I told them her weigh and the doctor was fine with that.  Katie was quite agitated by everything and noisy.

We went in and the gyne, another lovely lady who was a mom and a grandma (Katie asked),  read the US report out loud to me.  The cyst is shrinking.  I have no idea why our family doc didn't tell me this but it is frustrating as hell.  

The gyne asked a lot of questions which I answered and she said that she was satisfied that the cyst was shrinking and just to keep an eye on Katie's pain and treat the pain conservatively.  She mentioned ovarian torsion and said to watch for a sudden increase in pain.

I felt very relieved but I am convinced we need to find a new family doctor.  I'm tired of waiting for up to an hour and a half to see her, and she seems unsure of herself at times.  Allowing me to read the US report would have allayed a lot of my fears.  Sigh.

So Katie is fine and she will be also be starting on birth control pills to stop her periods for four months at a time.  

Today and tomorrow we're getting new windows which will be exciting, for the dogs anyway:)  Charlie is already upset that all the furniture in the living room has been moved away from the windows.  

Jack is back to normal and happy, eating well.  I'm learning, still, to speak up for myself.  I have been a people pleaser my whole life and it's so hard for me to speak my mind (I can write it out just fine, but speaking my truth is hard).  Life continues to give me opportunities to grow:)

Athabasca Falls.  This water will ultimately end up in Great Slave Lake and then move onto the Arctic ocean, a trip of 4000 km.  Mind boggling.

The weekend was not as smooth or as refreshing as hoped.  Jack and his poppa argued a lot about food.  Jack is a picky eater.  I am a picky eater.  Many people with ADHD are picky eaters.  It's a thing, but it's also embarrassing and potentially harmful to your health.  However, two days of crappy eating is not going to kill you.  Jack is also on a drug whose side effect is loss of appetite which peaks around lunch time.  He's not hungry at your standard lunch time.

I was raised at a time when you were supposed to finish what was on your plate, so was my husband.  There was the depression, and the war, and the whole spare the rod and spoil the child thing too.  Mealtimes turned into a war of wills when I was a child and I was as stubborn as my parents.  I would go hungry rather than eat something that made me gag, or that I didn't like.  I was skinny as hell until I learned how to cook in Home Ec at the age of twelve, and I started cooking some of the family meals, meals that I liked, meals that didn't make me gag. 

I'm still picky but less embarrassed about it now, but I do not want Jack to grow up with an eating disorder because his poppa thinks Jack should eat what and when poppa thinks he should.  Meals became a time of negotiations and tears.  So that was fun.

We saw a lot of mountain sheep, probably a hundred of them.  They like the roads because of the salt and protection from predators.  We also saw elk and some deer.  We got to visit our friends who lost their house two years ago in the Jasper fire.  They're doing well and their house should be built this year.  They've done a lot of travelling, Uganda, South Africa, Namibia, the Arctic, and they're enjoying life.  Jasper is slowly rebuilding.

The best news is that Miss Katie has a gyne appointment for tomorrow.  I have no idea how that happened but I'm just glad it's happening.  Katie's never had a gyne exam so it might also be an exciting appointment (depending on how you define excitement).  I will give her ativan prior to her examination.

We were supposed to get new windows tomorrow and Wednesday, but the company screwed up and now we're getting them Wednesday and Thursday, not a huge deal.  

Otherwise, not much going on.  I did get my moon jar back and some plant pots that turned out nicely.  My casserole dish glazing wasn't that great, and it has developed a crack on the first use.  Back to the clay to try again.  I made a bunch of bee baths, so we'll see how those turn out.  

Spring has sprung, finally.  My tomato plants are doing well, as well as the perennials that I grew from seed.  This morning Jack and I are riding our bikes to his school, then I'll ride home and go back when he's done school.  He's pretty pumped.

It's been a tough week.  Katie's black eye looks awful and it hurts her.  I took her to see her doctor on Tuesday for birth control pills, hoping that will decrease her pain by stopping ovulation.  Fingers crossed.  Unfortunately it was an hour and a half wait to see the doctor and Katie got increasingly agitated.  I gave her an ativan but she attacked me while driving.  Thankfully, it was quite a mild meltdown due to the ativan and we made it back to her house in one piece.

I now need to find a new family doctor because every time we visit the doctor it's at least an hour wait.  I don't mind this doc, she's a nice woman, but nervous about prescribing drugs, not just to Katie but to me as well.  She seems unsure of herself, at least that's my feeling.

Jack has started soccer two evenings a week which means he's been tired all week.  Nobody is at their best when they're tired, including him.

I've been tired and feeling depleted all week.  Tomorrow we're heading to the mountains to take a break and spend time outside as a family.  When I told Jack's grandma that we won't be here this weekend, she said, but Jack will miss Mother's day.  I don't think he'll miss it and I don't think he really cares about Mother's day.  He's seven.  I'm also tired of putting their family's needs over ours.  I asked his grandma if she could take Jack this summer for awhile so that my husband and I could spend some time together.  She offered up a weekend, one weekend.  Never mind.

"The mountains are calling and I must go... Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop away from you like the leaves of Autumn".  John Muir

Miss Katie had a tough time yesterday.  When I went to pick her up for lunch she was screaming and crying, and she had a whopper of a black eye.  She had a meltdown and smashed her face against something that did not move.  It's not the first black eye she's given herself, and I doubt it will be the last sadly.  We gave her tylenol #3 and an ativan which helped.  She continues to have abdominal pain from the ovarian cyst and right now she has her period too.

Katie has the most beautiful eyes, in my opinion.  If you look closely at the iris, you'll see the small white spot in the middle of her iris, that's the cataract that she was born with, the harbinger of things to come.

I didn't take her out to he mall but came back to my house instead.  She saw the dogs and the cat.  I fed her and then I took her back home.  I was exhausted and when I got back home, I lay down on the bed for awhile.  

I've been feeling overwhelmed lately, between Katie and Jack.  They're not so different those two, both requiring enormous amounts of energy.  Katie is autistic, Jack has ADHD, and then I wondered, is Jack also autistic?  I looked it up (of course I did).  What I found was not Jack but myself.  I found a site (many sites) about AuDHD

"The individual may regularly come up with new routines to try to stick to.

They may come up with new ways of doing the same thing or follow a particular process when trying something new. They try to satisfy their craving for new whilst managing their anxiety around change.

They may impulsively choose change, then experience anxiety due to the change.

They may regularly seek out new things, but only with familiar people and want to complete things in a particular way or following a familiar process.

They may regularly burn out from being too busy and overwhelmed socially, but struggle to slow down to recharge.

Their environment might become messy and chaotic easily, leading to overwhelm and difficulty functioning.

They may be hyper-organized to compensate for their disorganized brain.

They may feel anxious every day about running late or not being early.

They may have an exceptional long-term memory but a poor working/short-term memory.

Their intense/special interests may regularly change theme or topic."

Burnout in AuDHD

AuDHD burnout isn’t about being tired after a busy week; it’s deep, persistent and often creeps up over months. Look out for:

Bone‑deep fatigue that doesn’t improve with rest.

Sudden drop in functioning - tasks you used to handle feel insurmountable.

Heightened sensory sensitivity and meltdowns - everyday sounds, lights or textures become unbearable.

Executive function struggles - planning, organising and self‑care go out the window.

Emotional rollercoasters - irritability, anxiety or tearfulness with no obvious trigger.

Loss of interest - even your special interests or favourite hobbies might feel like hard work.

Masking fatigue - you might find yourself fidgeting or speaking more bluntly because you simply can’t keep up the performance.

The strange thing is, I feel like I've been tired my whole life, and maybe I have been.  It takes a lot of energy to live inside my brain.  And maybe I'm not crazy, or the only one who feels like this.  Maybe there is a reason I have a hard time coping with the world.  And maybe it's not depression that I've been dealing with my whole life but neurodivergence.  

And that's where I am this morning; worn out but not the only fucked up person in the world which is a strangely good feeling which gives me hope.

Jack has no school today.

I may be grumpy and feeling overwhelmed.

Jack may have not had his ADHD medicine this morning.

I may have slept in.

I may have yelled, or been sharp with him.

I may be grumpy.

I may not have listened to every word he said this morning.

I may want some peace and quiet.

I may not get that today.

We may survive.  

May the odds be ever in our favour.