I went for a walk yesterday morning with Heidi, a friend, and her corgis Levi and Dougie.  It was good to get some fresh air, walk amongst the trees and visit with a friend.

The snow has stayed but I'm hoping it will melt next week.  I still have leaves that need to be relocated.  I'm still feeling down but husband and I had a long talk yesterday and it was good.

It's Halloween today, so yesterday after school Jack and I carved a pumpkin.  We both got irritated with each other at one point ( I wasn't fast enough and he wouldn't stop interrupting) but ended up with a decent Jack O'Lantern to be put on the steps later today when it warms up.  The snow persists.

Yesterday I met up with Kate from Stubblejumpers Cafe and we had lunch and then wandered the Enjoy Centre.  The Enjoy Centre is a cavernous space that was quite underwhelming as a greenhouse.  It's too bad because the old Hole's Greenhouse was so wonderful.  Oh well.

Kate and me, with a little help:)

I went to pottery yesterday morning and this was waiting for me.  It's a wonky gravy boat I decided.  It's the first thing I threw on a wheel and it's the only thing that turned out over two days of throwing.  I was trimming a bowl yesterday and the teacher came along and said, "The foot is too small."  It wasn't a criticism, it was an observation, but I started crying and couldn't stop crying.  I realized I was depressed which makes sense of why I started crying.  Strangely enough, I hate crying in public, even though I do it a fair bit.  I quietly cleaned up my stuff and left only half way into the class.  

I've been having a hard time getting things done.  Everything is too much.  It snowed last week and I started dreading winter already.  I'm dragging my ass through every single day.  Why am I depressed?  That took some thinking but there are a few reasons why I'm feeling depressed which I'm not going to get into right now.  Usually for me, it's enough to know why I'm feeling depressed and that helps to lift the depression, usually.  I'm hoping that does the trick again.

I'm off for a walk with a friend this morning and a couple of dogs, so that will help too.  Winter doesn't stop outdoor stuff, it just means I have to wrap up more.  Things will sort themselves out, as they always do.  This feeling, this crap, will pass.  It always does.

 

I've decided to try growing cats instead of pumpkins.  Do I need to bury the cat deeper?

It was snowing here this morning.  It's stopped now thankfully but the ground is good and slippery.

 No dog walk this morning, baked cookies instead.

Have a good weekend:)

A nearby storm pond apparently has at least one beaver living there, judging by the two downed trees with teeth marks.  Wonder if the county knows?  I'm not telling them.

I go to a pottery class put on the county of Strathcona.  They have asked us in the past what they can do to improve the class.  All of us said that they can make the class three hours long.  We want more clay time, not less.  Right now we get fourteen classes, every Monday morning and every other Wednesday, excluding stat holidays.  This is what we asked for.  

After clay time, we go back to the old farmhouse and have tea together and chat about whatever we want to.  It's a 55+ group and I suppose it's supposed to support seniors.  Yesterday the young woman who runs the program joined us; she never has before.

We chatted a little and then she said that going forward, the program would only be running on Mondays, no reason given.  She had a suggestion though, there are free programs offered by Gallery@510 every Wednesday morning where we can sign up and learn different crafts, not clay.  She spoke at length about the different "fun" things we could learn.  She even brought a catalogue with photos!

I stopped talking and left early.  I felt like we had been treated like old ladies/children, who couldn't manage to do things for ourselves, women who needed her help to figure things out.  We were a problem that she needed to solve.  Why, I don't know, but I felt it.  If the program needs to be cut, tell us why.  We all pay for the program.  It's not free.  

We are a core group of six women who are have been going there for 2-3 years.  Our ages range from 63-73.  Some of the women are widows, some are still married.  Between all of us we have raised seventeen children.  We have navigated abusive partners, divorce, widowhood, raising children alone, and grief.  We are not stupid.  We are not children.  All that we want is someplace to go and work with clay, while we learn about pottery, and support each other.  It keeps us off the streets:)

I was angry yesterday when I got in my car to leave.  I felt like I had been condescended to and I haven't felt that way in years.  If seniors face this kind of treatment (and I'm guessing yes) on a regular basis, I can tell you that I am going to be one angry old(er) lady and there will be swearing.

Warning, a lot of profanity.  

The weather continues to be nice, although snow is forecast for this coming weekend.  I don't imagine the snow will stay but it is a reminder.

We had a windstorm on the weekend which knocked out power and traffic lights in some areas.  I haven't been out and about in a storm like that before and it was stressful.  The winds hit up to 100 km/hr.  What I didn't realize is that the same windstorm that swept through here, also hit Canadian Forces Base Wainwright where training with live ammunition was taking place.

Apparently there often grass fires at Wainwright because of the live ammunition, and there was a grass fire on Saturday but it was far enough away to not warrant any additional precautions, or shut down training.  Except the wind shifted and hit 100 km/hr and in less than a minute, the training area was engulfed in flames.  There seems to be some unanswered questions about explosions, but there was a massive fire for sure.

Four military personnel lost their lives and another 39 were injured, 19 are in critical condition.  I have a hard time with stuff like this with fires, mass casualties, families forever changed, grief I suppose.  The most horrible part was the wingnuts who thought it was a conspiracy coming two days before the referendum here.  That somehow the Prime Minister was to blame.  WTF!

I have no fucks left for whack jobs who blame everybody else for what's going wrong in their lives.  The UCP likes to blame Ottawa and immigrants when it is in fact their mismanagement of resources and our province.  They seem fine with fanning the flames of racism and do nothing to stop it because it serves their purpose.  It's disgusting, but that is not a strong enough word for what I think.  The UCP seems fine with burning this province to the ground to advance their own agenda.

I hope the referendum goes well today and the UCP and Danielle Smith are told in no uncertain terms to leave our province alone and shut the fuck up.

Some of my husband's shots of the Sockeye, my photos didn't really turn out very well, not of the fish anyway.

I happened to buy a couple of books before we left for our getaway and one of them was called "Margo's Got Money Troubles" by Rufi Thorpe.  I didn't know anything about it but I liked the first paragraph so I thought I'd give it a go.  I read it in a day and when I was done, I started rereading it.  It wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea, but I loved it.

The book is about a twenty year old woman, Margo, with a brand new baby who is fired from her job as a waitress because she can't find childcare.  In the US there is no year long paid maternity leave, which just boggles my mind.  US politicians want young women to have more babies but provide no supports for that to happen.  Don't have an abortion but we're not helping you either once the baby is born.  The height of hypocrisy in my mind.

Margo's mother is kind of a gold digger (sort of, but mostly a woman who puts looks and herself, before all else) and her father was a wrestler until he wrecked his back.  She decides to support herself and her son by appearing on OnlyFans.  It's a story about family, addictions, sex, hypocrisy, misogyny, shame, algorithms, and love. 

I was twenty-one when I had my son, way back in the eighties.  I refused to marry the father, even as a twenty-one year old I realized that would be a huge mistake, that was a problem for more than a few people in my life.  By the time my son was two weeks old I knew that I would be on my own raising him and would need a decent job.  I applied and was accepted into the nursing program.  I started nursing school when my son was four months old and we both survived the two year program.  My mum was amazing and took care of my son for me while I went to school, studied, and did my practicums.  I couldn't have done it without her.  I was very lucky but I worked hard too.

The character Margo is a smart, resilient, hard working young woman.  I admire her.  She's not real obviously and in real life she would have a lot more baggage to deal with, but it's nice to read a story about a smart, successful young woman.  She is judged relentlessly for making pornography but she stands up for herself and fights back.  The book makes us think about sex and sex workers in a different way.  One character makes the point that if a guy is looking at a naked woman and she doesn't know, she's not slutty, but if the woman offers an image of herself naked, if she is in control of the narrative, then she is considered slutty.  The double standard for men and women is alive and well sadly.

Last night we watched Law and Order: SVU.  It was about a drunk young woman who was raped by three men but the law in New York states says that if a woman willingly gets drunk, then it's more difficult to argue rape.  If a person voluntarily drank alcohol or took drugs, prosecutors face a high legal burden. Under existing statutes, they generally cannot claim the victim was "mentally incapacitated" solely from voluntary substance use.  As a young woman who voluntarily got drunk, I can assure you that I never wanted to be raped, nor have I ever met a woman who did.

I digress but you get my point.  Double standards still exist and are vigorously defended by courts, legislators, schools, and religions.  And men wonder why women are angry.  

I haven't looked at my fish photos yet but I did learn that cell phones take lousy images of fish in the water.  My husband did get some excellent shots and I will post those photos and any of mine that are ok.  I thought a video of the drive home yesterday would suffice.  The mountains were beautiful and I realize how lucky we are to live so close to them.

The fish festival was good, the fish were amazing, and the weather was cool but sunny.  We spent more time in Salmon Arm than we have before which was nice.  It's a small town on one arm of Shuswap Lake; a nice little town nestled in a valley.  The festival was very busy and there were tour buses with Asian tourists arriving on a regular basis.  Both days we left right around lunch time as the crowds grew bigger.

There was a fire there three years ago which destroyed nearly 80% of the park, but it's recovering, and even the burned, scarred trees have their own beauty.  It was quite windy there and a tree did fall while we were watching the salmon; it sounded like a gunshot.  

We saw Sockeye and Chinook salmon swimming upstream.  As I was standing next to a south Asian woman on the shore, watching the fish navigate the shallow stream, she said, "Wow!", and I agreed.

When we stopped to eat our sandwiches at the Alberta/BC border yesterday, we heard and felt an explosion.  It scared the crap out of me, Jack, and the raven hoping for leftover sandwich bits.  My first thought was, that stupid, dumb fuck has started something.  There were four more explosions, none closer, and we decided it was related to the road work on the Trans Canada being done to widen the road to four lanes and not WW3.  You know the world is a mess though when your first thought is a war.  Jack thought the same thing but he was the only one to say it out loud.

We got home last night and I'm in the middle of laundry and putting everything away.  All of the annuals have been pulled out and sent for composting.  There are still perennial beds that need work but the grass won't need cutting until spring time.  The leaves still have to fall, which will keep me busy until the end of October.  The geese are gathering in the fields and eating the grain seeds that have been left behind from the harvest and I have one more batch of tomatoes to turn into tomato sauce.

 

The pottery studio that I enjoy so much, learn so much, and get to visit with friends.  It's a haven for all of us.  Exciting news, I can finally wedge my clay properly, it only taken me almost two years but I can do it now.  Something in my brain clicked and I can do it now.  Very happy.

Jack is fine in fact this morning he told me that the filling was nothing.  I said, it didn't even hurt did it?  And he said no.  Sigh.  At least he wasn't traumatized.

We've started telling each other three good things that happened that day as we lay in bed at night.  Jack's counselor suggested it and he's learning to look for the good things, even if they happen every day.  I can't remember what he told me last night but he did want to up the ante and listed off five good things that happened yesterday.  Sometimes I share my good things with him too but mostly it's about him.  Last night one of my good things was me riding his electric scooter, which he thought was funny.

We're heading to Salmon Arm tomorrow for the long weekend.  We're going to see the salmon run again at Tsútswecw Park.  Last year was lovely and this year is supposed to be even better.  I'll try and post some photos while we're away.

Fall is well underway here.  Even in the few short days since I took this photo, the trees have mostly turned yellow, as have the grasses.  

Last Thursday Jack had an accident at the skateboard park and chipped his two front teeth.  I wasn't there but I imagine there was a fair bit of screaming and crying involved.  I took him to a dentist on Friday and he had an x-ray that showed he had chipped the backs of both his front teeth and needed fillings on those chips to protect the nerve and the teeth themselves.  

The dentist was amazing and I don't think Jack even knew that he received any needles in his mouth.  He hated the numbing of his mouth and lip.  He hated the mouth guard which kept his mouth open.  He hated everything and ended up crying and yelling poor guy.  The dentist had a hard time getting even one filling done and suggested nitrous oxide for next time.  I sat right beside Jack, holding his hands the whole time, trying to comfort him.  The staff were all amazing and so kind.

I talked a lot and had a terrible time filling in the insurance accident form.  I couldn't sit down and did I mention the non stop talking?  I finally did sit down and I did shut up.  

Once we left the office, I started crying.  I didn't realize how stressed I had been by everything.  My son, Jack's father, smashed both of his front teeth when he was two years old, much blood and screaming.  Miss Katie smashed her front teeth when she was eleven, one dead tooth and one chipped tooth.  When I was twelve-ish, I had eleven teeth pulled, two teeth every two weeks by our family dentist.  My adult teeth were coming in before my baby teeth had fallen out and my mouth was too crowded  It was a nightmare for me and I'm still afraid of dentists to this day.  All of this came together in one afternoon while holding my grandson's hands while he had his first negative experience with a dentist.  He cried and then I cried, and then we talked about it.  The body remembers, despite our best efforts it seems.

He was very happy after we left the dentist's office, chatting away.  He had been quiet all day before the dentist appointment and I asked him if he had been worried.  He told me that he had been worried that the dentist would pull a tooth out of his mouth, while he was awake!  Or that he might end up with a metal tooth like one of his classmates who has a gold crown.  He got two toys from the dentist's office and I got a long list of things to watch for including infection and the tooth dying.  We have an appointment to go back in November for another filling but with nitrous oxide this time.

So that was last week.  On Saturday night the poor bugger got diarrhea in the middle of the night which kept us both awake for awhile.  On Sunday night, poor nana got diarrhea in the middle of the night (in spite of washing my hands very well), and I was awake for about an hour.  Last night I hit a wall and crawled into my bed at 7:20pm, unable to cope with anything, not even being tired.  I feel human again this morning thankfully.

No pottery today, groceries, laundry, and dog walks.  

Tonight we're having pizza from the Italian Centre, so no cooking tonight!

It's cold this morning, 1C (34F).  I put on my toque and my mitts when I walked Jack out to the bus stop.  Winter is coming.  The cat is not impressed.

Nothing much changes around here.  Yesterday was National Truth and Reconciliation Day in Canada, also known as Orange shirt day.  I went on Danielle Smith's Instagram page and the racist comments were overwhelming and horrible.  The fact that she doesn't shut down the racism speaks volumes about her character as a human and her character as a leader.  I find her to be lacking in integrity, morals, accountability, and empathy.  She sets the mood and her caucus and MLAs follow.  Because she's awful, they feel that they too can be awful, and not just the MLAs, some Albertans as well.  

A leader sets the tone, just like in the US.  The Republicans, by propping up trump and his anger, hatred, and insanity, have promoted hatred, anger, and division in the US.  trump leads by example, and his example is one of corruption, sexism, fraud, and lies.  People have embraced his lead because it gives them permission to be their worst self.  

A good leader would promote working together, cohesiveness, compassion, and integrity.  Both Alberta and the US lack this right now.  I can only hope it gets better for both of us, soon.

I fell again yesterday on the back deck.  I'm moving gravel around to make room for the dirt we'll need to bring to stop anymore flooding of the basement.  I had a container with gravel and I tripped and fell hard on my knees and my armpit got it too from the container.  Sigh.  This morning my knees are quite sore but I'm thankful I didn't break anything.  My mum's first bad break was when she was 48, so I'm doing well.  Osteoporosis runs in the family but I also spent 25 years lifting weights in an effort to avoid that same scenario.  So far (touch wood) my bones are doing well.

I have an exciting day planned of housework and walking the dogs.  Try not to jealous, it's not a good look:)