Not one of my flowers, but a sunflower from the greenhouse a few weeks ago.
My friend hasn't been feeling well, the one with multiple myeloma. She called me yesterday and asked for my help which is only the second time that she's ever done that. I drove over, picked her up, and took her to her doctor's appointment. Sadly it was her GP who knows nothing about multiple myeloma, because it's not a very common cancer. Tomorrow she has an appointment with her oncologist and I hope he can give her some answers as to what is going on.
There is a lot of drama going on in her family, not with her kids, but with her sister and nephews and none of them seem to understand, or care, that she has cancer and that she is exhausted. They're all too busy shitting on her.
Jack went to stay with his mom and aunt on Saturday night. The aunt supposedly stayed there. Perhaps we should have asked to see a selfie with a timestamp on it. The aunt believes she knows best. When Jack came home early, his aunt said she thought his allergies were acting up. Jack was filthy, visibly exhausted, congested, and when I checked him, he had a fever. He didn't eat much but I got him cleaned up and he was sound asleep by 6:15pm. Usually he goes to sleep around 8pm now. He was still sick yesterday poor guy, but his fever is gone and I sent him off to school this morning.
I was going to go to the pottery studio this morning but thought I would enjoy working outside just as much, so I spent some time cleaning up the front yard and flower garden and planted two more blue delphiniums out there. I'm looking forward to seeing what they look like when they've grown, standing beside the yellow ligularia and trollius.
I'm going to work out in the back yard now. I've done some clean up there there there is always something to do, and I'll walk the dogs. I'm going to take Heidi to the vet because I think it's her back that is hurting so much.
Katie is ok. I took her out for lunch on Sunday and she wasn't agitated but she was just so tired. It's been a tough five months for her I think.
I'm going to meet with a new counselor this afternoon, one recommended for Jack by one of the psychiatrists last fell. The counselor has experience in trauma attachment. Yay, I get to tell his story again, because that's not awful. Fuck.
I looked up trauma attachment disorder and found this. Doesn't sound like me at all. I don't want this for Jack.
I wish I had some answers but of course I don't. All I can say is that you are doing all that anyone could possibly do and more. I just wish you weren't so damn hard on yourself. I also wish I could hug you hard.
ReplyDeleteI would take that hug. I'm going to try to ease up on myself.
DeleteSometimes I am just amazed at how humans never seem to learn the lessons from the generations before them. It certainly is an imperfect world, but somehow there is also beauty in imperfection. The "What is Attachment Trauma" poster at the bottom of your post kind of reminds me of my relationship with my ex-wife. I am glad Jack is feeling better.
ReplyDeleteIt breaks my heart that we keep making the same mistakes over and over again.
DeleteI like to believe that we're improving because we're much more open about trauma and dysfunction than we used to be. It was so hidden in the past although I'm sure it still is in some families. Poor Jack! I wonder how his time with his mother and aunt went. Does he talk about it much when he comes home? I'm glad Katie is OK. She's had a rough 5 months and so have you! Hope your friend can get some answers. I remember when my husband was terminally ill and his family (his brother and brother-in-law in particular) were absolutely shitty to him. I never forgave them and have nothing to do with them now. A loved one's illness brings out the best in some people and the opposite in others.
ReplyDeleteJack doesn't talk much about his mom. I think he feels in the middle. He loves her and doesn't want to believe/accept that she has a lot of problems (he's only seven).
DeleteStress and illness doesn't bring out the best in people, that's for sure.
I read somewhere recently that a friend is more likely to help in times of trouble than family. This is certainly true for your friend. Poor Jack. You cannot trust what these people tell you. They seem to be well-practiced liars. I hope Katie can find some rest, she has had it rough. So have you. The first description is me, almost all of it.
ReplyDeleteI think it's easier to help as a friend.
DeleteIt describes me too. Aren't we a pair:)
I can certainly vouch for friends being far more ready to help than family in traumatic times.
ReplyDeleteI think it's easier for friends because there is space, it's not as personal.
DeleteI hope Jack is feeling better now!
ReplyDeleteHe is feeling better, but the cough lingers.
DeleteJack's other family make me so mad. How COULD they??? They seem to have no care for anyone but themselves. I'm so glad Jack has you and your husband to catch him when they let him down!
ReplyDeleteThey are very different people from me and I have a hard time understanding them as well.
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