Spring has finally arrived.  I burned some old branches this morning and planted the rest of my tomato plants.  I walked both the dogs, not at the same time, and I changed all the bedding to the summer quilts and summer sheets.  I even gave my mattress a turn for good measure.

Yesterday we paid off our mortgage.  We are very happy and will have a surplus every month now.  Not even sure what we'll do with that.  We still have one more bathroom, the master bedroom ensuite, which needs to be gutted and redone.

I talked my brother the other day for almost an hour.  He's retired now and much happier.  His wife is going to retire in 18 months and they're looking forward to that.  They're also going to move back to Red Deer to be near her mother and some of her sisters.  They'll only be a two hour drive away.  I am excited and so looking forward to seeing more of them.  My sister is law is more like a sister to me and is one of the best people I know.  

My brother and I were talking about my dad and how afraid of the world he was and how all of his control issues really came down to the fact that he wanted to keep his family safe.  I don't think he ever felt safe growing up and certainly didn't during the war either.  He never got over the war and it coloured everything that came after.  The anger and control were how he coped with what happened.

Of course children run from control and anger scares the shit out of them (it did me anyway).  Dad's anger controlled the house because nobody wanted dad to be angry, it was too awful.  But as we aged, my brother and I, our world got bigger and we grew less afraid of dad.  And as I write these words I know my dad would have been horrified to know that we were afraid of him and his anger.  He did his best and it was better by far that what his parents were able to do for him.  We had a roof over our heads, shoes on our feet, he didn't hit us, and we never went hungry.  By his standards he was an amazing dad.

My husband has a hard time with my son and Jack's other family.  He doesn't want them to hurt Jack, except they will hurt Jack.  All parents hurt their children at sometime, even the best parents.  All children hurt their parents.  It seems to be the way of the world.  We can't protect Jack from hurt and suffering, all we can do is to give him the skills he will need to deal with the pain and suffering life will most certainly mete out to him.  He will probably break at least one bone.  He will have his heart broken more than once.  He will be disappointed a lot by those he loves and even those he holds in high esteem.  Life is not about avoiding suffering, but in finding some kind of meaning in the suffering that does happen.  At least that's what I think.