My husband and I just finished watching the first season of The White Lotus.  It was a very weird series but mostly enjoyable.  The first season was set in Hawaii and the videography is gorgeous.  The story is about entitled, white, rich people staying at a very expensive resort and a murder.  So many of the problems were self induced, which is realistic really. Stupid people doing stupid shit, but also stupid people hurting. 

I looked up how much the rooms were at the hotel where the series was shot and the most expensive room/suite was $43,000/night.  I can't even imagine anyone paying $43,000/night for a hotel room.  How much money do you have to have before this is a non-issue?  I had to laugh though because when I looked up the room and the price, one of the amenities was two free bottles of water/day in the room.  Two?  In a room that costs as much as a vehicle per night.  Wow.  A stay of ten nights would cost more than our house.  

I don't get really rich people.  When I think about all the good that much money could do in the world, I just shake my head.  

Today I'm cleaning before we leave.  Bathrooms (which I hate cleaning) done. Laundry done. Vacuuming and mopping of floors to be done soon, after Heidi gets her walk.  Packing, pretty much done. 

What's a kind thing you have done today?  Just a small thing, nothing big, a small kindness to a stranger.  I made an old lady smile.  She had a walker and I let her go first in front of me, I told her she had senority.  That made her smile.

Jack has gone back to school, wearing red in support of his teachers.  We shall see what happens.  Right now the provincial government has invoked the notwithstanding clause which means there is no legal recourse for the teachers.  They are being forced to accept an offer that 90% of them had rejected.  They don't have a choice and that contract is in effect for the next four years.  The contract gave them a crappy raise and does nothing to address class size or class complexity, which was the main sticking point for the teachers..  If they didn't go back to work today, huge fines personally and for the union as a whole.  The province could have sent them back to work with binding arbritation, but our premier prefers to steamroller over people's rights.

The good news is that the constituents of the minister of education have put forth a recall petition for him.  The UCP likes to pretend it embraces freedom and accountability, hence the availability of a recall petition, but in fact, the UCP embraces autocracy with Danielle Smith being the autocrat/narcissist/micromanager.  You are free to do whatever you want, as long as it's her way.

 

The other day, someone asked what an emobossing plate is, this is an embossing plate.  When it's been fired, I will roll clay over it and have a relief version of the leaves, as opposed to an impression of the leaves on the clay.  It's not great, but I'm learning.

I walked the dogs this morning.  It was raining and snowing while I walked Charlie but no wind so it was nice.  I took Heidi later and no more rain or snow.  While I was outside I poop scooped and put the rest of the yard stuff either in the shed, or turned it over for the winter.

I also saw a huge pileated woodpecker, but it took off before I could get my phone out of my pocket.  I also saw a muskrat swimming in the pond behind us.  There is ice forming on the pond and I imagine the muskrat is getting ready for winter as well.

This afternoon we're all going to the resiliency class.  Right now we're working on effective communication.  I had homework to do but kept putting it off, looking at it, feeling overwhelmed by it and then this morning, when I wasn't tired I zipped right through it.  Who knew?  I'm supposed to be older and wiser:)  Jack and I finished up his homework yesterday before he was allowed to play Roblox.  Roblox is an excellent motivator for him.  

He had swimming last night and he's doing well.  Soccer tomorrow night and then he visits grandma for a couple of nights while we go to the wedding.  

I try not to think about the long cold winter too much.  I know it's coming but pretend it's not.  Who knows, maybe I'll even get out on my snowshoes this winter.  One can dream.

 Last week I was walking Charlie, the light was beautiful and golden, now it's raining/snowing and cold.

I bought lipstick yesterday, not something I usually wear but I'm going to my niece's wedding on Saturday.  I'm also trying to blowdry my hair with product to pouf it up a little because it's at that in between stage, do I keep growing it or do I cut it short again.  Still undecided.

Otherwise not much going on.  Jack is in camp again this week, thank you god.  The government is voting today whether or not to strongarm the teachers back to work (not a good look for an increasingly unpopular party often accused of overreach).  This same provincial government wants girls over 12 to prove they were female at birth to participate in sports.  FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

I'm off to pottery this morning, although the dog is convinced I'm taking him for a walk.  He's wrong poor guy.  He and the cat both don't like me right now.  He's not getting enough walks and the cat seems to blame me for the weather (as cats do).

As promised, my new fruit bowl, complete with bubble glaze.  I love the colour and the size.  It will sit on my kitchen counter.  As you can see, my photo and kitchen are not curated, dirty dishes, empty dog food can and my kitchen scrubber.  I couldn't be arsed (as John Grey would say) to tidy up before I took the photo.  The world will survive.

I just read 37 Paddington's blog post in which she realized that one day she will be dead and all the things she worries about will cease to matter.  She wondered if it was a healthy thought and I would have to say, extremely healthy.  I'm not sure I know how to do it, but letting go of things that I have no control over would save me hours of not sleeping, upset stomachs, fits of weeping, and just generally feeling sad.

I tried to book Jack's covid vaccination and it turned into a shit show complete with me having a small breakdown, screaming (inside my house), crying, and taking a very energetic walk (which Charlie enjoyed a great deal).  A friend tried to comfort me and I hung up on her.  When I calmed down, I called her back.  I realized that I was feeling helpless and it was very unpleasant.  It didn't seem to matter what I did, I could not protect my grandson.  He has asthma, a flu and covid vaccination are important for him, but it didn't matter.  Again, helpless, frustrated, and angry as hell.  I felt like nobody cared what I wanted or needed, I felt unheard.

Jack and I went to his resiliency class yesterday afternoon and I was so surprised to find my husband standing waiting for the elevator when we got there.  He had ducked out of work early.  The class involves talking about our emotions, naming our emotions (when you name it, you can tame it).  We also talk about our own temperments and how that affects how we parent, as well as active listening.  The children are in a different class and also learn about their emotions and about how to handle problems like being teased.  They are given tools and taught how to use them.  I can't say enough good things about this program and the people who run it.

The other day when my husband picked Jack up from his camp, he took him to the skateboard park to have some fun and exercise.  Jack asked if poppa had brought his skateboard and poppa said no, just your scooter.  Jack told his poppa that he was disappointed.  My husband's buttons were pushed (we all have them, don't we?)  My husband was frustrated.  He had tried to do a good thing and his grandson was disappointed with him.

When my husband told me all this, I turned it around and said Jack had done such a good job with naming his emotion and feeling safe enough to share it with his poppa.  Poppa is not a disappointment, something he did disappointed someone but of course we bring our baggage with us.  I'm guessing my husband has often felt like a disappointment to his family, god knows I have.  But my husband is a good man and he is trying to be a better man and that's what really matters.

I know it's hypocritical of me to say things like that because I have always felt like a disappointment, to my family, to my ex-husband, to my children, to friends, and even to myself.  But you know what?  I am not a bad person.  I am a person who is doing their best, trying to do better.

Yesterday at the class we were talking about emotions and I mentioned the shit show with the covid vaccine booking and how I didn't realize why I was so angry until much later.  When I was growing up, when I was married to my ex-husband, I was often told, don't feel that when I expressed how I was feeling.  I was told that so often that I stopped understanding how I felt, stopped naming how I felt, and instead just sank below the waves of my emotions, unable to understand why or how I was feeling.  I was adrift.

But I'm learning.  I'm sixty-three and I'm still learning how I feel and why I feel the way I do.  I imagine I'll be doing this work until the day I die and I'm okay with that.  It's better than the alternative, going through life unaware of what's going on inside of me, or why it's happening, just reacting.

And as I'm doing this work, I'm giving myself hope that Jack will better understand himself too.  That he'll succeed in ways I never could.  

Margaret Falls, BC.

My husband found these lovely waterfalls for us while we were in BC a few weeks ago.  

There really isn't much going on with my life, I couldn't sleep last night.  The teachers strike carries on, our provincial government unwilling to address overcrowded classrooms.  My husband though, found a camp for Jack to go this week, Code Ninjas, learning computer skills.  Of course Jack loves it.

It was nice to have some time to myself yesterday.  I walked the dogs, went to pottery, and that was about it.  I imagine the state of the world is part of the reason I can't sleep, and menopause, and age.  

My niece and her boyfriend are getting married on November first and we're going to Canmore for the wedding.  They were over yesterday to sign a petition and I gave them their wedding gift.  They're a nice young couple.

I continue to go through my old blog posts.  Right now I'm up to 2021 which is when Jack was taken into care and rereading those old posts brings up a lot of memories.  I don't know if I can keep reading them, they break my heart.  That might be affecting my sleep too.

I dropped Jack off at his camp and the owner running the camp told me how smart Jack is, he wanted to make sure I knew.  I told him I knew but I think Jack's greatest gift is his curiosity.

I'm fine, just busy with Jack because of the teachers strike.
 

We walked the dogs this morning and he brought his scooter along for the walk with Heidi.  He's growing like a week I've noticed.

I took him to the teacher's rally this morning to show him what a protest looks like, and what the teachers and Albertans are fighting the government about.  I told him that all the people there want public education to be better for all the kids in Alberta.  He was interested until he saw some e-scooters lying on the ground and then his conversation veered off to alcohol and the behaviors of people when they're drunk.

He found an old costume in the basement while we were looking for Halloween decorations.

Lots of walking while the weather is nice.

Miss Katie came over for lunch today.  Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and she doesn't enjoy spending that much time away from her home, so I had her over for lunch.  I cut her bangs, we ate grilled cheese sandwiches, and she had some ice cream, then she wanted to go home.  We drove to the dog park to see some dogs and then I drove her home.

She's clapping and happy in the photo because Mr. Big (as Mr. Pudding calls him) was singing a Dutch children's song and she loves it still.  It's hard to get a photo of her smiling but she's happy here.  

Jack is with his his mama and grandma today so I've been busy baking pies, washing floors, and making mashed potatoes for tomorrow.  We have a small turkey breast from Costco.  The other day I told Jack I was looking for a small turkey to cook and he said, "A baby?"

I assured him I would not cook a baby, not even a baby turkey.

Nothing much else going on.  The teachers strike continues which is causing me some stress.  I am floored at how horrible, mean spirited, and short sighted our provincial government has become under Danielle Smith.  Yesterday Mr. Big took Jack to the McDonald's play place for an hour because Nana needed a time out.  The time out was very good and I regained my composure.  I also wrote a couple of emails to politicians, telling them what I thought about the job they're doing.  

If you're Canadian, have a good Thanksgiving and if you're not, have a good day.  

I took Heidi for a walk two nights ago and it was beautiful.  I love this time of year.

I worry about my memory a lot lately.  I know it's normal to worry about memory as we age but at what point does it slip over into legitimate concern?  When I took Jack to the skateboard park on Monday, I didn't event think about his skateboard, he remembered.  We turned around and got the skateboard and I carried on.  It was only when my husband stopped by after work and he asked why didn't Jack have his helmet and pads on that I realized I had forgotten them.  This is just one example but they're starting to add up.  

I forget to feed the animals.  I tried to put the chicken in the cupboard.  It's getting harder to plan and carry out complex activities like cooking.  

I'm hoping it's just stress and normal aging.  I've never been this old before so I don't know what's normal:)

I went to pottery yesterday morning and felt shaky and lightheaded when I got there.  It settled down and the ladies there were all so lovely, and funny.  It was glazing day Ms. Moon.  I'm feeling slightly more confident in my glazing abilities and I even blew bubbles all over one large bowl.  Hopefully it turns out well.  I grabbed this image from the internet to give you an idea of how it turns out.  I'll take photos after my bowl is fired.

Last night one of the ladies from pottery had an extra free ticket to a comedy show and invited me to come along with her friend who was visiting from Regina.  The show was amazing and I laughed my ass off.  Just what the doctor ordered:)

The headliner was Mike Delamont and here's a link to see his comedy.  Comedy is a gift I think and I am thankful for the comedians in the world. 

We're back from our quick trip and we had a wonderful time.  We saw sockeye and coho salmon swimming upstream.  Jack was worried he would see the fish having sex, and we explained how fish mate.  When we stopped at Little Fort rest stop I remembered the creek there.  Jack and I climbed the hill and I thought, what is that smell?  There were a lot of dead fish who already spawned and died, so we got to talk about that too.  Tsutswecw Provincial Park was beautiful, in spite of the fire damage from the fire two years ago.  I want to go back next year, a bit later in October.  

The teachers in Alberta have gone on strike and our premier Danielle Smith (I spit on the ground), has of course blamed it all on the teachers.  The UCP is deliberately underfunding both public education and public health, trying to privatize as much as possible, except that's not what Albertans want.  The UCP doesn't care and they continue on with their own agenda.

So Jack is home with me full time for now, until the strike is resolved.  Yesterday I took him to pottery class with me and he was good as gold.  He spent about an hour on his tablet playing games and then when that got boring, the teacher had set out building blocks and he spent an hour building things.  

Today we're taking Auntie Katie to see the doctor because she needs a sixteen page form filled out to satisfy the provincial government, and prove that she is in fact, still disabled; then there are more hoops to jump through for the federal government regarding guardianship.  Oh joy.  Have I mentioned how much I dislike forms?

Yesterday I took Jack to the skateboard park in Edmonton and there was a drunk woman lying on the ground, in the middle of the park; she had been there for two days the kids said.  I tried talking to her, to see if she needed help, got her water to drink which she dumped on the ground because she was an angel and could only drink covered water.  I finally phoned the police and the woman smashed her vodka bottle, got up and wandered away.  I ended up picking up a million pieces of broken glass.  One of the kids, maybe 11 years old, helped me pick up glass and told me that there are often drunks or drug users in the park.  He knew about fentanyl and oxi.  It broke my heart.  

The kids, ranging from 6-16 were all so polite and thanked me for getting rid of the drunk woman and cleaning up the glass.  I know it's reality but still WTF.  The worst was Jack.  He was so upset by the drunk woman and had a lot of questions about alcohol, it's effects, and drunks (as he calls them).  He wanted to know why people drink so much.  While we were away on holiday, eating in restaurants, he noticed people drinking and was worried they would get drunk and become violent.  We told him that doesn't happen in restuarants and that if it did, we would protect him.  Thanks Gracie.

Mount Robson hiding in the clouds.

 

The roses continue to bloom.  My mum would have loved these roses.

I had to go see Katie this morning because last time I bought her CBD gummies, I bought the wrong strength.  This morning I walked the dogs early and then bought the regular gummies, at the regular store, and drove them to Katie's place.

Katie wasn't happy.  She was waiting for the bus to pick her up but one of the staff had misplaced her bus pass, or taken it home with them by mistake.  Not a huge deal, except for Katie it was.  She was very upset, trying to pull my hair, banging her wrists against her teeth, and screaming and crying.  Having me show up didn't help matters, so I didn't stay long.

This afternoon Jack and I have the ADHD course again.  Jack seems to like it and I do as well.  Right now the kids are talking about feelings and what they feel like inside their bodies when they have big emotions.  And for the adults, it's how we were parented and how we're doing parenting right now.  Of course I'm the oldest one there, and I fucked up my parenting with my own children, so there is that added layer to make things more difficult for me to sort out.  I'm trying.

Our work for the week was to catch our kids being good and praising them.  My husband and I both worked on that, and I worked on it with my husband as well because I need to.  I am not a naturally warm, loving person so I work at it.

Tomorrow we're leaving for Adams River to hopefully see the salmon run.  We tried in the past without success, but this year is supposed to be a banner year.  Jack only misses a half day of school and he'll learn about salmon and habitats.  I'm looking forward to it.  The best part, my husband planned the entire trip and all I have to do is pack our bags.  He even found restaurants for us.

The teachers are going on strike on Monday October 6th we found out on Monday.  I texted Jack's other grandma and asked her for help, like I had back at the beginning of the school year.  She's busy every day in October, except for one day.  Not really much help, which I did say to her.  I'll be missing my pottery classes unless I can figure something out for childcare.  

I saw my niece yesterday briefly.  She's getting married in a month and she asked if I had any of my mum's earrings.  I had one pair, which are quite hideous.  I took them over to her and she agreed that they were hideous.  She's going to ask my sister if she has any of my mum's jewelery.  I have no idea what happened to it.  Everything about my mum's death is a bit of a blur.  I was dealing with a lot of grief I understand now, but at the time I thought I was doing ok.  I was not.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the wedding.