The dog park has turned into a stunning display of fall colours.  September is my favourite month, with it's warm days, cool nights and beautiful leaves.  Charlie is fairly reliable now, with regards to recall.  I have noticed though that he reminded me of Lucy, our beagle.  When Lucy put her head down and started sniffing, her ears turned off.  When Charlie starts running full out, his ears turn off too.  We think he has some greyhound in him, judging from his body type and how he runs.  Apparently greyhounds don't have the greatest recall when they're running, so that's probably it.  I've noticed now though, when we walk in the woods, he runs ahead and then comes back to check on me, and then runs ahead again.  When we're out on the field though, he just goes and ignores me.  

I'm off to court again this morning, but things will be put off to the end of October.  Today is the birthday of Jack's maternal grandpa and October 17th is the anniversary of his suicide.  Things can wait and I don't want to add to their misery.  On the upside, Jack hasn't seen much of his mom and has only spent one night with his aunt and uncle, so he's thriving on the predictability of his life right now.  He's happy and eating well.  

I'm feeling good mentally but physically the cold from hell lingers on.  I didn't visit Katie on Sunday because I needed the rest before going back to work.  Turned out for the best, last night I got a text message from Katie's caregiver and Katie has covid.  Poor girl, she caught it from her roommate.  

While I was away, sometime this summer, a patient from Jasper told the CT tech's, that I had been hiking on a trail, near Maligne Lake, when a storm came up and I had to be evacuated by helicopter to safety.  News to me.  The techs asked me about it yesterday and I assured them that I had not been hiking.  This particular hike involves four nights of camping.  I am not a camper, nor is my husband.  But it does beg the question, who was the patient?  And who did he think I was?  He had the right name but camping is not my jam.  A mystery.

Otherwise, life goes on.  My husband has a retirement party to go to this week, for a man he worked with for over forty years.  I have to make a casserole for a going away party tomorrow.  One of our temp nurses is going back to her regular unit.  I'll miss her.  She sings and dances which I love.

Jack learned what a shart is this week.  The learning never ends:)

 a staff member

Whenever I think about writing these days, it seems I have nothing to say.  I had a frustrated, angry patient on Thursday that I helped, I hope.  Jack is with his aunt tonight.  I was sick all last week and I also turned sixty-one.  We hired a lawyer to help us with our application for day to day parenting of Jack.  The new dog, Charlie is much better and so am I.  That last bout of depression snuck up on me and really messed with my mind.  I had a dream last night that nobody appreciated anything I was doing and when I woke up, I was grumpy as hell.  I stayed grumpy for most of the day until finally it dissipated amongst the trees, while walking the dogs.  I had to apologize to Jack more than once.  It was the kind of grumpy you feel when you have your period and you just want to rip someone's head off and shit down their neck.  Expect I'm post menopausal now.  It's finally worn off, thank goodness.  I've done laundry and put it all away.  Baked banana bread and cleaned up the kitchen.  Played far too many games of bubble shooter on my phone.  Read my book a little.  Picked up the pears that have fallen off the tree and now lay rotting on the grass.  

Maybe it's just this time of year.  Or maybe it's stress.  Jack is safe.  I was very specific with his aunt when I asked her what she was doing with Jack today and tonight.  He would visit his mom, he would be supervised by his aunt while visiting his mom.  She fucked up.  She got played by her sister.  None of us want that to happen again, including Jack's aunt.

It feels like something should happen.  But I don't know what.  

We drove out to Elk Island National Park this afternoon, in the hopes that Jack would fall asleep and have a nap because he and poppa are going to some car races this evening.  Jack did fall asleep for awhile.  The weather was perfect and the sky was so blue.  There was a large flock of coots feeding in the water and while we sat and watched them, sandhill cranes flew overhead, calling out as they flew.  It was quiet and peaceful.  A boon for the soul.

Jack enjoyed it too, something which always surprises me, because usually he likes action and noise.

 This summer has been one of the hardest of my life.  I'm feeling depressed but functional.  There's lots of stuff going on but that's not for right now.  Next week we have court and we see the child pyschologist.  Life continues on.

Hospital pillows are not comfortable, but they still go missing, so we write on our pillows, in the hopes that they will be returned to our department.  Some nurses have taken it a step further and given us something to laugh about, which I so appreciate it.

 

I'm worn out.  Charlie, the new dog, is shedding at an alarming rate.  After some research online, I decided it may be because I'm bathing him too often. I'm bathing him so often because the off leash dog park that we go to, has a mudhole filled with water, and he stinks when we get home.  He stinks in the car too, so I'm also washing the dog blankets in the car and the towels used to clean him.  I'm also using the wrong shampoo for Charlie.  I have never seen so much dog hair in my life, ever.  Even roomba can't keep up.  Jack seems to be sensitive to all the dog hair and he's congested and red nosed.  So there's that too.  I've washed all dog blankets in the house and even cleaned the furniture to try to reduce the amount of dander in the house.  Jack doesn't need to lose something else he loves.

I guess it's time to find another dog park or keep him on his leash while at the dog park.  Sigh.  It'll be better once the snow flies but that's a couple of months away still.  Today it's hot as hell with a high of 33C, which is too damned hot.  I took the day off because we had too many nurses at work.  When I came back home, I took the dogs to the dog park before it got too hot. There was an older woman, older than me, who had a young lab on a leash.  Charlie wanted to play and the woman was not happy with Charlie or me.  Charlie still has very limited recall and I haven't done anything all summer to train him, so this is on me, but it's been a kind of shitty summer with everything and the thought of training a dog makes me want to cry.

Jack is doing well which is nice.  His aunt and uncle, who take him on weekends, went to Lebannon and Dubai for an unknown length of time.  Not sure when they'll be back.  And Jack's other grandma is leaving this week to go to Toronto, so no help with him this long weekend.  Sigh.  His behavior is much improved, and his anxiety has decreased.  He never asks for him mom which is sad.  But he is still so active that he wears us out.

Gracie went into rehab yesterday, so she'll be good for awhile, until she's not again.  Her mom was able to serve her the court papers for day to day parenting before she went into rehab, and she accepted them.  I even found my son and served him.  He does not seem to care at all, and thought we already had day to day parenting of Jack.  My son looked much better than when I saw him in January.  He was sober and clean.

So housework, vacuuming and laundry are about all I've been doing for the last week and I'm fucking tired of it.  I'm not a fan of housework but I dislike a dirty house even more.  So I'm tired and bitchy, sleeping in the basement with a four year old boy who kicks all night.  

Things I'm thankful for today.

NOTHING!

Photo courtesy of Pat Kane/ Reuters

The north is on fire. Yellowknife has issued an evacuation order and the hamlet of Enterprise has burned to the ground.  Twenty-two thousand people plus, are on the move, heading south.  We are 1500 km south of Yellowknife and some people will be coming here, while some will continue even further south to Red Deer.  The evacuation centres between here and Yellowknife are already all full.

Fires continue to burn on Maui and the death toll there continues to rise as they find the bodies left in the burned wreckage of Lahaina. 

The Premier of Alberta, Danielle Smith, has put a moratorium on all new starts of renewable energy projects in the province.  This is where I live and I can tell you the majority of Albertans do not support this nutjob.  

It feels like world is burning and nobody gives a shit.

Suncor, a large oilsands company, has a new CEO.  His name is Rich Kruger and he had this to say.

"“We have a bit of a disproportionate emphasis on the longer-term energy transition,” Kruger said, adding that while lower emissions energy is important, it is not what is going to make money for shareholders today."
 

Basically, fuck the future generations, lets get rich now.  I am livid!

On a happier note, I filed the papers for day to day parenting of Jack today and just have to serve his parents.  Detox won't let me serve the papers and I don't know where my son is right now; things will work out though. The woman who helped me at the Alberta Court of Justice was so kind and helpful; it made the day so much more bearable.  And the best news is that the other two guardians, the aunt and the other grandma, both support our applications.  When the other grandma texted me that information yesterday, I burst into tears at work.

I still feel overwhelmed and shaky but I'm okay, whereas so many are not right now.  I'm thankful that Yellowknife is evacuating before the fire hits the city.  

I'm going to channel my inner Yorkshire Pudding.  A field of canola northeast of the city.

Exaltation of The Holy Cross Parish, Skaro.

 Broadmoor Park.

Deermound dog park with a very grumpy grandchild who was up and awake at 4am.