Actual patient left in the bathroom:)

I made it back to work today, feeling sorry for myself because I'm still tired and bloated.  Then I found out that one co worker was diagnosed with cancer, another co worker's five year old daughter was diagnosed with a brain tumour and a third co worker went home last week to find her dog dead in the house.  I pulled my head out of my ass and got on with the job.

Jack's excited because it's Halloween tomorrow night.  He wanted to know who was giving out the candy (me) and who was taking him trick or treating (poppa).  He's happy.

I'm still not feeling great, nausea, bloating and fatigue.  Everything smells weird, almost like when you're pregnant and all the smells are overwhelming, puts me off eating and cooking.  This morning I went back to bed after I got up and slept until 1pm.  I never sleep like that.  I'm supposed to go back to work next week so I'm hoping I'm feeling better by then.

I watched a movie yesterday, which I quite enjoyed.  It was called "Moving On" with Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin.  It was about friendship, trauma, aging and secrets, worth the time to watch it.

Today my goal is to get outside and go for a short walk.  That's it, that's all I got.

It snowed for a good part of yesterday.  Jack stayed home sick with me, both of us had covid and diarrhea.  I didn't realize that children often have more GI symptoms with covid and I didn't appreciate having diarrhea after coughing my lungs up for a week, but there you have it.  It's just an all around shitty virus to get.  

Jack went back to daycare today, no diarrhea and children only have to isolate for three days here.  Tomorrow I go back to work.  My abdominal muscles still hurt when I cough but not as much as they did.  

We had court today and everybody showed up.  My son was sober and polite.  He brought his emotional support person with him which is good; an older friend who is letting my son live with him right now.  My son is working in construction, staying out of trouble and there are no drugs allowed in the house.  All good.  You can tell there has been some brain damage done by all the drugs and alcohol though, my son didn't know his own age.  We're also going to set up a visit with him for Jack.

Gracie on the other hand showed up stoned on ativan.  Everybody has agreed to a JDR (judicial dispute resolution) which is good, that happens next month.  In the mean time, Jack continues to live with us and can only see his mom if she is supervised by her sister or mom, which is what we wanted to begin with.

Otherwise, nothing much going on here.  It's cold and slippery but it's supposed to be above freezing for Halloween which is nice.  I hate cold Halloween.  

Disclaimer

Anything that doesn't make sense, is entirely the fault of covid.

Still home, vomiting and diarrhea today.  Oh joy.

I've been sick all week with covid.  The fever has gone which is nice; I was tired of the whole "I'm freezing", "I'm boiling" aspect of a fever.  The worst part of covid for me, has been the coughing and the copious amounts of phlegm.  I've pulled a muscle in my abdomen from coughing and my ribs are killing me.  Coughing has become very painful and I have to cough to get the phlegm out of my lungs, because if it lingers there, I'm at increased risk of pneumonia.  I had pneumonia once when I was twleve years old and it was the sickest I've ever been in my life.

Yesterday I dragged the humidifier out of the basement and turned that on to help thin out the mucous in my chest.  Last night I turned my bedroom into a sauna apparently, and I was able to sleep, propped up and drugged.  It was wonderful but I scared poor Jack.  When Jack woke up this morning, poppa was in the garage smoking and Jack couldn't open my bedroom door because it was swollen shut from the humidity.  That freaked him out a little.

I'm thankful my lungs were healthy to begin with when I got this virus.  I can imagine the havoc wrecked upon already damaged lungs.  I read a very interesting article this morning about the phlegm produced by patients with covid,  Gummy Phlegm and Covid 19. It's strange that Covid 19 causes this overreaction in our body, too much hyaluronan, when normally, hyaluronan is a good thing.  Is it similar to the cytokine storm that can be so deadly to Covid patients?  Some cytokine is a good thing, too much is deadly.  I guess it's like anything, some is good, too much of something can be deadly.  I know, I'm a science nerd and in another life I would have gone into microbiology, my all time favorite course.

I'm also thankful I'm still strong enough to cough up all this phlegm.  Again, I can imagine how awful it is for the very young and the very old, or the very out of shape, to cough this much and this hard.  Coughing is how we clear out lungs, get rid of irritants and in this case, get rid of phlegm, which if it was to build up, would put me at high risk for pneumonia.  I'm trying to embrace my coughing, in fact, now I'm embracing a pillow when I cough because it helps with the pain in my chest and abdomen.

I'm thankful the big guy has taken on so much care of Jack.  I'm trying to stay away from both of them.  I mask when they're at home and wipe down all the surfaces that I can with cavi wipes, before they come home.  

Hopefully I'll be back to my normal self before much longer.  I'm not a fan of sick.  I'm off to hydrate and do some deep breathing exercises.

 Shit

Last Monday we drove out to Elk Island National Park.  The day was warm and sunny, and we wanted Jack to see the bison.  He did end up seeing the bison, which is always cool.  It amazes me how close some people are willing to get to them.  They are massive animals, and they're fast.  They can run  35 miles an hour, way faster than I can run.  I stayed in the car, and Poppa and Jack stayed behind the car while they looked at the bison.  Other people didn't seem to understand that these are wild animals and kept wanting to get closer for "that" photo.  I was happy with my photo, taken from a safe distance.

We walked for a couple of kilometers and then had a picnic lunch.  I took this picture of Jack.  He posed himself and he looks so grown up.  He's doing well.  His life right now is stable and predictable.  He's going to preschool/daycare five days a week and all of his buddies are there.  He started swimming lessons again last week and already I can see he's more trusting that he was last year.  I'm hoping his mom hasn't permanently fucked him up.  

Jack met his lawyer last week and in a week and a half, we all go back to court to see what will happen.  I'm not sleeping well and it's probably related to this, even though I try to pretend it's not bothering me, my brain knows better.  I broke down crying at work yesterday, which happens.  I was frustrated with a computer program which wouldn't work and then started crying.  Then I realized that it's been two years since I brought Jack back home from Victoria and two years since his grandpa killed himself.  The body remembers.

Today has been another lovely fall day with blue skies.  It's cooler at night, hovering around freezing most nights and most of the leaves are off the trees now, which is always sad.  My maple tree in the backyard still has it's leaves and they're a bright orange right now.

I feel like we're in limbo, just waiting.  On the plus side, Jack is safe.  He's no longer scared when we leave the room, or go upstairs, or go to the bathroom.  He feels safe.

We've been watching a movie this past week with Jack. The movie is called "Soul" and I have to say, it's a wonderful, touching movie.  It's about death, kind of, and our souls and what we want to do with our lives.  The first time I watched it, I ugly cried at the end.  The second time, less ugly.  We never just watch a movie once with Jack, we watch them over and over again.  I like that.

I read an amazing book this past week.  I went to the laundromat to wash our winter quilts last week, and while the quilts were washing, I popped over to Walmart and picked up a book that looked interesting.  That book was "The Freedom Clause" by Hannah Sloane.

It's a book about women and marriage and sex, but it's also about trauma and families and female empowerment.  I read the book in a day, and then had to figure out which of the young women I work with I wanted to pass it along to first.  If you get a chance to read it, I would highly recommend it.

I was going to write about my middle daughter, had a whole paragraph typed out and then realized I was probably crossing a boundary for her.  She's very private, pretty much the opposite of me, so I'll shut up.  Look at me, learning so late in life:)

Jack has been appointed his own lawyer by the court and we take him to meet that lawyer next week.  Should be interesting.  It's through legal aid but I'm not sure who pays for it, us or his mother.  On another note, I spoke to my son a few days ago and he sounded good.  He was sober, working, just got a raise and even asked about his sisters.  Note to self, don't get your hopes us.  Time will tell.

It's Thanksgiving this weekend.  Things I'm thankful for today.

Homemade turkey gravy, Ina Garten's recipe.

A pumpkin pie made from the pumpkin I grew myself in the backyard.

A lawyer who will look out for Jack's best interests.

A beautiful, warm, sunny day with blue skies.

A short dog walk.

Grilled cheese sandwich for supper.

A massage for my sore muscles.

A dishwasher to wash the dishes.

Almond and raspberry tarts that my husband brought home from Sobey's.

Hugs.

What are you thankful for today?

 Does anybody else click on the icon in the top right of the photo, to see what the computers think is a similar photo?  Me neither:)

If I hover over a photo, there is an icon in the top right corner of the photo that does a visual search of  related content.  Maybe it's just my computer, but it works on other people's photos as well, except for Going Gently (John Grey) and She Who Seeks.