Last Monday we drove out to Elk Island National Park. The day was warm and sunny, and we wanted Jack to see the bison. He did end up seeing the bison, which is always cool. It amazes me how close some people are willing to get to them. They are massive animals, and they're fast. They can run 35 miles an hour, way faster than I can run. I stayed in the car, and Poppa and Jack stayed behind the car while they looked at the bison. Other people didn't seem to understand that these are wild animals and kept wanting to get closer for "that" photo. I was happy with my photo, taken from a safe distance.
We walked for a couple of kilometers and then had a picnic lunch. I took this picture of Jack. He posed himself and he looks so grown up. He's doing well. His life right now is stable and predictable. He's going to preschool/daycare five days a week and all of his buddies are there. He started swimming lessons again last week and already I can see he's more trusting that he was last year. I'm hoping his mom hasn't permanently fucked him up.
Jack met his lawyer last week and in a week and a half, we all go back to court to see what will happen. I'm not sleeping well and it's probably related to this, even though I try to pretend it's not bothering me, my brain knows better. I broke down crying at work yesterday, which happens. I was frustrated with a computer program which wouldn't work and then started crying. Then I realized that it's been two years since I brought Jack back home from Victoria and two years since his grandpa killed himself. The body remembers.
Today has been another lovely fall day with blue skies. It's cooler at night, hovering around freezing most nights and most of the leaves are off the trees now, which is always sad. My maple tree in the backyard still has it's leaves and they're a bright orange right now.
I feel like we're in limbo, just waiting. On the plus side, Jack is safe. He's no longer scared when we leave the room, or go upstairs, or go to the bathroom. He feels safe.
37paddington: the body remembers. Crying is a release. I hope all goes well in a couple of weeks. I love that Jack is feeling safe.
ReplyDeleteI am so happy to hear that Jack is doing so much better. Here's hoping for a non-stupid judge.
ReplyDeleteThis little boy needs a safe, stable world for the rest of life.
ReplyDeleteYour lovely photo of Jack suggests that he is relaxed and comfortable despite what he has been through. I hope that the court makes good decisions for him. He deserves that.
ReplyDeleteAutumn is a time of breath holding. I do hope the judge is sensible and puts Jack's physical and mental health above everything.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad Jack is feeling safe in his stable life with you. That's a great photo of him in the fall leaves.
ReplyDeleteSuch good news that Jack feels safe, the fact that he does is due to you and your husband providing him a stable environment. All kids deserve that. I do hope you get a good judge.
ReplyDeleteThat feeling of security and safety at home is a priceless gift you are giving to Jack. Blessings on you all. x0x0x0N2
ReplyDeleteLimbo is horrible isn't it. Here's hoping the court makes the right decision. I thought Gracie was in agreement that you take him on but I suppose there is always that lingering worry as she is so unstable! And as for getting near those bison, ARE THEY INSANE? But on that note, I've got a joke for you but not sure you'll get it. What's the difference between a buffalo and a bison? ........................... You can't wash your hands in a buffalo!
ReplyDeleteIt's a lot of work raising a child even under the best circumstances. Well done so far, this boy is testimony to your dedication.
ReplyDeleteFeeling safe is the warm earth that all good things can spring from.
ReplyDeleteAren't bison just the most beautiful animals?
Jack is doing so well in a relatively short time, so I feel he can come out of those first years with a stability to allow him to deal with his life in a reasoned way. Let's hope limbo doesn't last long, you need some peace.
ReplyDeleteYou and the Big Guy can take all the credit for how safe and well Jack is feeling. ALL OF IT. Thank goodness you two have been there, stepped up, stuck with it. So many children do not have family like you in their lives. Jack is lucky, in spite of the hardships. And what a beautiful boy he is.
ReplyDeleteJack does look so grown up! That bison is amazing. Every once in a while I see stories about people getting injured by them while trying to take selfies. People have no idea what a wild animal is capable of. They think animals behave like they do in Disney movies.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad Jack feels Safe and has a predictable and stable environment you are providing him. I think we all transcend some of what could have fucked us up, Kids are resilient, but, of course scars of Life happen too, we all realize that. I think your Crying is finally a Let Down of pent up Emotion now it's relatively Safe to FEEL it. I haven't Cried yet about the current Crisis or felt anything but numb, it's the only way at the moment I can move thru it and remain functional enuf. Otherwise I'd be an Emotional Hot Mess, which wouldn't be Helpful or productive. I lost it while having that conversation with The Daughter on her Birthday no less and I knew I should have been more supportive and positive, but the recent News just hit me to Wrong and I know she and I can't really control it. I'm a control Freak and I know it, so what I can't control I get angry about, anger being Fear in disguise of coarse... I tend to self diagnose why I react certain ways. *LOL* The Bison is magnificent but wise to stay and photograph or admire from a distance. People can be so foolish around Wild Creatures, we must be Mindful they aren't Pets or harmless, they instinctively do what is their Nature.
ReplyDeleteKen Burns's PBS special "Bison" was on last night and, as usual, pretty spectacular and definitely informative! Some of it might have been too much for Jack to watch ... the greedy killing was almost too much for even me!
ReplyDeleteHe does look grown up and very content. I'm so happy that he has stability and that he is comfortable in his surroundings. He deserves that.
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