An old building left behind in Bankhead in 1922, the lamp building.

The winner of this weeks how many times will I fall, goes to Sabine.  She said things come in threes and she was right.  I slipped and fell again this morning on the tiniest patch of snow where Charlie pooped.  I hurt my left wrist and hip, just to mix it up a little, nothing broken though.

I am getting nervous about walking though.  I went home and licked my wounds, did some cooking and laundry and then tried again with a different dog.  No falling but I worry about falling now.

Nothing much going on right now.  Jack is in code ninja camp again for the week while school has fall break.  I'm crocheting an afghan for my husband's aunt in the evenings, no pattern so it's easy to do and keeps my hands busy.  The last two days of pottery are next week, only glazing to be done.  I was sad that I wouldn't be seeing much of them, so asked if anybody was interested in a book club.  They were all interested, so we'll also be having a book club.  The first book chosen is "The Briar Club" by Kate Quinn, and how did I not know that this was the same author that wrote "The Alice Network",  "The Rose Code" and "The Huntress"?  Should be a good read.

 It's snowing here, although it's supposed to be above freezing next week.  I took Charlie out for a walk yesterday and slipped on some ice, unseen under the fresh snow.  I landed on my ass and my right elbow, nothing broken thankfully, but everything on my right side is sore today.  As mum would say, fool them and live.  Two falls in one week, it's like I'm going for some kind of record.

Jack is getting his covid and flu vaccinations this morning.  He's not a fan of needles but I'll use some EMLA cream to make it easier for him.  I forsee a weekend of watching movies for us.

Thanks to Debbie, I found these memes which bring me so much joy.  Have a safe weekend.

Two Jack Lake, named after two Jacks. 

 Morning walk with Charlie yesterday.  

We took Jack to his skills building group yesterday and it was good, until it wasn't.  We were talking about a tool called ALSUP  which can be used to identify lagging skills.  For some reason I don't like this tool, it feels to clinical and judgemental.  It's not really, but that is how I felt.

Then one of the leaders of the group put something up on the board about ADHD and how it can affect the lives of people.  There was a list of four things.

1. School

2. Social

3. Safety

4. Self esteem

We talked briefly about these things, how much school can be affected, how people with ADHD can make impulsive decisions that affect their safety, how their social skills lag significantly and cause problems, and finally what all of this does to their self esteem.

This all touched a nerve with me and then the lady beside me started talking about her eight year old daughter, and how her daughter struggles, and it was like she was talking about me when I was eight years old.  It was all too much for me and I started crying and couldn't stop, I had to leave.  I cried a lot on the drive home, pulled it together for the evening, but when I went to bed I sobbed again.  Charlie looked quite concerned with me but I needed to let it out.

So I thought a lot about this.  School wasn't a huge problem for me, I was smart, with an excellent memory.  I had a hard time paying attention in school because it was kind of boring and I liked to daydream, but I made honours.  I could have learned a lot more, could have put in more effort, but I didn't.

My social skills were awful, which I understand now, but of course as a child I didn't know.  I learned over the years to improve my social skills and nursing helped a lot as well.  I learned how to talk to people and I learned how to listen to people.  I paid attention to what worked and what didn't and it hurt a lot because I often got it wrong, but I kept trying.  I'd say my social skills are adequate now but I still don't understand things like small talk, but I can do it.  I'm sure most people find me a little/lot outspoken about things that I believe are important.  I still interupt people at times but I try so hard not to.  I still lose my train of thought and kind of ping pong around in conversations, which I'm sure irritates people.  I'm still easily distracted and I still overshare and I as I write all of this down I wonder if my social skills are adequate:)

What really touched a nerve with me was safety.  People with ADHD can be very impulsive, putting them in unsafe situations.  The leader touched on a few things like unsafe sex and unplanned pregnancies which describe me.  I had sex with people who were not safe, I had unprotected sex, and I had way too many partners (too much information but I really don't care).  I got pregnant with my son when I was only twenty, way too young to bring a child into this world, especially with my son's biological father (an alcoholic sociopath).  

I haven't done as many unsafe things as some people with ADHD.  I didn't experiment with drugs, although I did try hash once and couldn't sleep for two days.  I did try weed, did not like that either, thankfully.  There was no MDMA or ketamine or crystal meth when I was a teen.  I drank way too much when I was young which was related to the sex I had.  I put myself at risk and I just realized that yesterday.  I am thankful I wasn't sexually assaulted or in an accident because of alcohol use.

Needless to say, my self esteem has taken a beating over the years.  I thought I was a social misfit (I was), I thought I was unloveable (I'm not), I thought I was selfish (sometimes, but mostly I was just trying to keep my head above water, and I was overstimulated a lot of the time).  Basically I just felt like a fuckup which probably had a lot to do with my depression (that and the overthinking).

Anyway, all of this hit me yesterday in the middle of our class and it was too much.  The grief hit me like a ton of bricks.  I imagined how different my life might have been if I had had early intervention like this when I was a kid, or if my children had had this kind of intervention, how much better all of our lives might have been.  I am so thankful I can do this for my grandson but I still feel so much grief and sadness for myself and for my children, two generations of hurt people who didn't ask for any of this and didn't know there were options.

So that's my life today.  I'm sad but acknowledging that I'm grieving helps me.

We made it to Canmore and back.  The wedding was lovely, except for the actual ceremony which took place in the pouring rain.  It was 5C and there was also a strong wind which made it feel even colder, but we all survived, although there was a fair bit of grumbling.  The rest of the wedding celebrations took place indoors in a lovely venue with the mountains all around.  My nephew was the officiant and he did a wonderful job, even as his script was dissolving in the rain:)  My niece was beautiful, her groom was handsome, and the whole thing was so nice.

I caught up with family as we all stayed at the same hotel.  There was a lot of talking and hugging, and catching up.  I hadn't seen most of my sister in law's family in twenty years and I was shocked at how much older everyone looked, unlike me, whom I have watched age in the mirror everyday for the past twenty years.  My sister in law and I even had time for a nice long walk, which we both love.

There was Proseco and speeches that made me cry (probably helped along by the Proseco).  My niece and her new husband were both good sports about the weather, and the speeches made by friends and parents.    

The day of the the wedding my husband and I drove up to Lake Minnewanka to visit Bankhead, TwoJack Lake, and Johnson Lake.  All was going well.  We went for a nice walk at Bankhead (an old coal mining town which was disassembled and moved in 1922 when the mine was shut down).  It was raining lightly, so not too bad.  We ran into two bachelor elk, enjoying the peace and quiet, and we promptly left them to enjoy the peace and quiet.  

We carried on to Johnson Lake which neither of us had seen before.  There is a sweet little bridge and a creek there.  I was busy taking photos, moving down the creek, while my husband was on the phone, trying to sort out a problem with the MRI scanner long distance.

I was doing fine, watching my footing, not doing anything stupid when I hit a patch of mud that was as slippery as ice.  The worst part is the my right knee was forced into hyperextension, not something my knee can do anymore, thanks to arthritis.  I screamed, because it hurt, a lot.  My husband heard me, hung up the phone and came running (he thought I was being attacked by a wild animal), at which point he also discovered the mud was as slippery as ice.  He fell flat on his back.  He got right back up, found me, and helped me up.  Both of us were covered in mud, shaken up, and sore.  He has bad arthritis in his one hip and an old back injury, plus we're not young anymore.  

We drove into Banff, a couple of minutes away and found a pharmacy.  I went in to buy some muscle relaxants and ibuprofen.  When I came out of the pharmacy I saw a woman who looked really rough, and then I realized it was a mirror:)  My hair was flattened and soaking wet, and I was covered in mud, quite the sight.

We went back to the hotel, rested, took pills, and were fine to go to the wedding thankfully.

My husband was still sore yesterday as we drove back home but feels much better today.  I'm doing fine with no ill effects thank goodness.  

The photo below was the scene of the mud crime, nothing dangerous, just unexpected.

We'll definitely be going back to Canmore.  We've never visited there, just stopped there for gas and lunch on the way through.  It's a lovely town, with new moutains and trails to explore, that we've never seen before.  Plus they had the most amazing quilt shop that I've ever seen.  Maybe we'll go back in the spring and take Jack.

My husband and I just finished watching the first season of The White Lotus.  It was a very weird series but mostly enjoyable.  The first season was set in Hawaii and the videography is gorgeous.  The story is about entitled, white, rich people staying at a very expensive resort and a murder.  So many of the problems were self induced, which is realistic really. Stupid people doing stupid shit, but also stupid people hurting. 

I looked up how much the rooms were at the hotel where the series was shot and the most expensive room/suite was $43,000/night.  I can't even imagine anyone paying $43,000/night for a hotel room.  How much money do you have to have before this is a non-issue?  I had to laugh though because when I looked up the room and the price, one of the amenities was two free bottles of water/day in the room.  Two?  In a room that costs as much as a vehicle per night.  Wow.  A stay of ten nights would cost more than our house.  

I don't get really rich people.  When I think about all the good that much money could do in the world, I just shake my head.  

Today I'm cleaning before we leave.  Bathrooms (which I hate cleaning) done. Laundry done. Vacuuming and mopping of floors to be done soon, after Heidi gets her walk.  Packing, pretty much done. 

What's a kind thing you have done today?  Just a small thing, nothing big, a small kindness to a stranger.  I made an old lady smile.  She had a walker and I let her go first in front of me, I told her she had senority.  That made her smile.

Jack has gone back to school, wearing red in support of his teachers.  We shall see what happens.  Right now the provincial government has invoked the notwithstanding clause which means there is no legal recourse for the teachers.  They are being forced to accept an offer that 90% of them had rejected.  They don't have a choice and that contract is in effect for the next four years.  The contract gave them a crappy raise and does nothing to address class size or class complexity, which was the main sticking point for the teachers..  If they didn't go back to work today, huge fines personally and for the union as a whole.  The province could have sent them back to work with binding arbritation, but our premier prefers to steamroller over people's rights.

The good news is that the constituents of the minister of education have put forth a recall petition for him.  The UCP likes to pretend it embraces freedom and accountability, hence the availability of a recall petition, but in fact, the UCP embraces autocracy with Danielle Smith being the autocrat/narcissist/micromanager.  You are free to do whatever you want, as long as it's her way.

 

The other day, someone asked what an emobossing plate is, this is an embossing plate.  When it's been fired, I will roll clay over it and have a relief version of the leaves, as opposed to an impression of the leaves on the clay.  It's not great, but I'm learning.

I walked the dogs this morning.  It was raining and snowing while I walked Charlie but no wind so it was nice.  I took Heidi later and no more rain or snow.  While I was outside I poop scooped and put the rest of the yard stuff either in the shed, or turned it over for the winter.

I also saw a huge pileated woodpecker, but it took off before I could get my phone out of my pocket.  I also saw a muskrat swimming in the pond behind us.  There is ice forming on the pond and I imagine the muskrat is getting ready for winter as well.

This afternoon we're all going to the resiliency class.  Right now we're working on effective communication.  I had homework to do but kept putting it off, looking at it, feeling overwhelmed by it and then this morning, when I wasn't tired I zipped right through it.  Who knew?  I'm supposed to be older and wiser:)  Jack and I finished up his homework yesterday before he was allowed to play Roblox.  Roblox is an excellent motivator for him.  

He had swimming last night and he's doing well.  Soccer tomorrow night and then he visits grandma for a couple of nights while we go to the wedding.  

I try not to think about the long cold winter too much.  I know it's coming but pretend it's not.  Who knows, maybe I'll even get out on my snowshoes this winter.  One can dream.

 Last week I was walking Charlie, the light was beautiful and golden, now it's raining/snowing and cold.

I bought lipstick yesterday, not something I usually wear but I'm going to my niece's wedding on Saturday.  I'm also trying to blowdry my hair with product to pouf it up a little because it's at that in between stage, do I keep growing it or do I cut it short again.  Still undecided.

Otherwise not much going on.  Jack is in camp again this week, thank you god.  The government is voting today whether or not to strongarm the teachers back to work (not a good look for an increasingly unpopular party often accused of overreach).  This same provincial government wants girls over 12 to prove they were female at birth to participate in sports.  FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

I'm off to pottery this morning, although the dog is convinced I'm taking him for a walk.  He's wrong poor guy.  He and the cat both don't like me right now.  He's not getting enough walks and the cat seems to blame me for the weather (as cats do).