Monday, May 23, 2022



My fritillaria has come up.  I love these flowers because they're beautiful, delicate looking and tough, all at the same time.  They don't last long but the wait is always worth it.

We had Jack all weekend and the poor guy was sick.  He vomited on Thursday night and then had diarrhea on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  He's also got a congested cough and is just off.  When we took him back home to Gracie, she was pissy, as usual.  Where were his new clothes?  Still in the laundry.  She never asked any questions about him.  She did say that he got sick from the daycare we take him to, the one she chose two years ago.  I pointed out that he was sick when we picked him up from her new daycare and she said, "Whatever!" and walked away.  

I'm trying to accept that she will never change but it's hard because I kind of want to punch her in the throat.  My grandson deserves a mom who cares about him as a human being, not as a doll for her to play with.  She also dyed his hair red because, "He asked me to."  Because three year olds want their hair dyed.  Fuck!

Deep breath.


Jack and the big guy at Coal Lake on the way home from Wetaskiwin on Saturday.


My father in law remains in hospital but has improved.  Each urinary tract infection knocks him down but he continues to get back up.  He is slowly sliding downhill though.  He also feels abandoned by his wife and he slips back and forth in time.  He told us last week that he's tired of working and wants to retire.  It's bullshit he said, this working.  We encouraged him to retire.  He was also complaining of having no money so we slipped a $20 into his pocket which made him happy.

He also said he wanted to see his other son so I tracked him down and called him.  My husband's brother visited his dad yesterday for the first time in almost twenty years.  Then he came over to visit us.  My brother in law was very stressed and nervous energy was shooting off of him.  I have a hard time with the energy of others, it seems to wash over me and capture me in it's wake.  Maybe that's why I don't spend a lot of my off time around people.  

That being said, on Friday, I visited my girlfriend after my podistrist appointment.  My girlfriend and I had a lunch of ham and cheese croissants we we drove out into the country to visit our favorite greenhouse.  It's the same greenhouse we visited a few weeks ago but it was busier and there were more plants.  Just walking into a greenhouse makes my shoulders relax and I breathe deeper.  I feel my whole body relax.  

Work on the rental house has begun finally after repeated calls and emails to the insurance broker and contractor.  Apparently I can be irritating enough to get things done.  

Today is a beautiful, sunny day.  I worked in the garden and got my tomatoes and bedding plants planted.  I even had time to tidy up the garden bed out front.  I only lost two perennials last winter, which isn't bad.  The photo below is one of the tulips up in my front bed.
 

And that's it.

26 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Very sorry to hear that Jack's hair got dyed red. But I am even more sorry to hear that he was throwing up and leaking over the weekend. I guess the reason that Gracie snaps at you and goes all uppity is that she is envious of your maturity and capacity for caring properly for Jack.

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  3. I, too, would like to punch Gracie in the throat. Hope Jack is on the mend.

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    1. He's back to daycare and from the photos that daycare sends me, he looks well.

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  4. 37P: Poor Jack. So much for his little self to handle. How you must hate taking him back to Gracie. I am like you, I drink in other people’s energy too. Sometimes if I’m not paying attention I mistake it for my own.

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    1. Yeah, me too. Katie is like that too. She can't block out the energy around her and it's hard on her.

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  5. Your flowers are gorgeous. Plants are much easier to be around than people.

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  6. I can't help but wonder if at some point Jack will ask to stay with you and the Big Guy and not go back to his mother's place. It seems to me that he would have every right to say, "Enough." I know that there was a point in my childhood where I had my "enough" moment and distanced myself emotionally from my parents but I didn't have the experiences that Jack is having with grandparents to show me that I was truly worthy of love. By the time I was Jack's age, my spirit had been broken in ways that have mended over the years. My parents had broken spirits, too. It moves me to see that Jack's spirit is not broken because he has you and the Big Guy to show him how lovable he is.

    I love your photos.

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    1. I think that will happen as well and I'm imagine Gracie will lose her mind at that point. Gracie's spirit is broken too but I can't help her, only she can do that. I understand but I will not let her break Jack's spirit.

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  7. Dying the Hair of a Three Year Old... Yes, DEEP Breaths my Friend...

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    1. Very deep breaths. I imagine it was not fun when she did it. Jack hates, really hates, having his hair washed:)

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  8. I like fritillaria too! At least the hair dye isn't permanent. Now, if she gets him a tattoo, I will go ballistic on your behalf. (Not that you will need me!)

    I feel the same way about other-people energy. A little bit goes a long way, especially when it's energy of a negative type.

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    1. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in having a hard time dealing with the energy of others. It's comforting. The dye will grow out.

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  9. Are bloggers on the whole empaths? I think we must be. Perhaps that is why we write- as a release valve to shed some of the emotions we have picked up from everywhere. Who knows?
    Gracie does not deserve to be a mother. There. I said it. And the damn thing is, Jack will love her as much as if she was the best mother in the world and always wonder why she didn't care about him enough to try love and care for him the way she should have. Knowing that you and the Big Guy always did and will love and care for him will help him emotionally throughout his life. I hope he's feeling better.

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    1. No, she doesn't deserve to be a mother but she is his mother and he will spend the rest of his life trying to have a relationship with her that she's not really capable of sadly.

      I'm thankful we're able to give him the love he needs, a love that is unconditional. I didn't have that to give my own children when they were young and I'm thankful I can now. Does make me sad though that I couldn't give my own children that.

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  10. Always good to catch up with you. Damn that Gracie. -Kate

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  11. I had fritillaria when I lived up north and always looked forward to their bloom. Working in a garden is the best way to step outside of our busy, stressful lives.

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    1. They are such a fleeting, delicate beauty. Already the blossoms are gone but the tulips are coming up now.

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  12. Every time you write about that little boy, I am overwhelmed with relief that he has you both in his life. Gracie is obviously unable to cope and should get help but: not your problem. Enjoy your garden, enjoy that boy.

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    1. Gracie does need professional help but that's on her and she doesn't seem to think she has a problem. We're the problem.

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  13. That is a very exotic looking flower and your tulips are gorgeous. I have a weakness for two tone flowers. I'm speechless over Gracie's behavior and attitude--dyeing a 3 year old's hair? I will refrain from saying what I think and feel because you already know. As several other commenters have noted, I'm also thankful that Jack has the Big Guy and you in his life.

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  14. I'm catching up with your blog, marveling at your flower photos and the rawness of the writing, how close you are to everything and how big your heart is, how much it holds. May you be well, happy and peaceful.

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  15. I could have sworn that I commented on this post--must be jet lag! I love those flowers. The top one looks vaguely alien; I've never heard of it or seen one before. Gracie is such a pill and it would be hard for me to restrain myself from calling her out. I think you were firm but tactful. Jack does deserve much better but at least he has the Big Guy and you.

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