I had my birthday on Saturday. I always find birthdays don't meet expectations, a lot like Christmas day. I'm sixty-three now. Still waiting for my wisdom:)
I went to pottery yesterday and had a lovely time. The ladies there are wonderful, supportive, and funny. The two new ladies are sisters which I didn't realize. They are also funny as hell. I managed to make a large fruit bowl. It wasn't perfect but I stopped messing with it because the longer I mess with things, the more damage I do. I let it go. It's a good lesson for life and perhaps pottery should be a mandatory course in school.
The Wednesday course that Jack and I are going to too had a slide about what children want/need.
1. Love
2. Empathy
3. Connection
It made me think about my son and I realized I want to repair our relationship. He's says he's sober, but time will tell. I'm not about to rush into anything, but I do love him, despite everything. I put a wall around my heart years ago when it came to dealing with him, but walls don't really protect people, they just keep us apart from others. The same with anger and grudges and resentment. All of those keep us from letting people in. We hold them close like they are the most precious things in our lives, when really all they do is isolate us, making it even harder for us to love, and be loved.
My dad could never let anyone close to him either and it caused so much pain and suffering in our family, for all of us, and most especially for him I think. It's no way to live, or die.
Enough sad for now, made myself cry.
Belated best wishes on your birthday! I would want to add, acceptance as a fourth point. Can you access UK TV in Canada? There's a fabulous documentary series Educating Yorkshire on (second season, the first was 10 years ago) about a very busy large school and the daily lives and how teachers handle "different" kids.
ReplyDeleteYes, acceptance, not something I ever got from my parents. I was always a bit of a disappointment all round for them.
DeleteI can see the program on You Tube and I watched a bit of it so far. It was hard watching the kids getting criticized over and over again. I worry about Jack.
I know that your relationship with your son is a huge source of sorrow in your life. I like the fact that you are not rushing in to anything. That is wisdom, right there.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday, sweet woman. You are a precious person on this earth.
Hope is the thing that kills me. I always hope things will change, even when they don't seem to change, I hang on, often to my own detriment. We'll see what happens.
DeleteSo much to think about! I'm very interested in this Wednesday course slide show. Sounds great.
ReplyDeleteIt's a good course and I'm hopeful it helps both me and Jack.
DeleteI think your thoughts about your son are wise. Yes, protect yourself but keep doors and your heart open. The sun streaming into your kitchen looks lovely.
ReplyDeleteI love the sun coming in through the windows, especially at this time of year, it's golden.
DeleteBelated best wishes! Thanks for writing about the changing light. We notice the morning light coming in our south-facing windows in the the fall and winter. We love it.
ReplyDeleteSunshine seems to make the days better.
DeleteWhy is it PINK? Oh, dear. I do love salmon, in food and flowers. I can't wear the color though; it's hideous with my coloring. It sounds like Katie and you made the best of your time together. Sometimes spontaneous activities turn out better than the planned outing. Pottery--or a craft like that-teaches lessons about when to keep working on something and when to let go. If you're having those feelings about your son, it'll be too easy to regret the estrangement later. You're fully aware of the issues and not naive. Yet that doesn't take away from the love.
ReplyDeleteKatie is not a fan of spontaneous changes. She likes her routines set in stone, or god help you, but she did well.
DeleteWe shall see what happens going down the road. If I've learned anything in life, it's you can't predict the future.
I sincerely hope that you will be able to reach a tentative rapprochement with your son. You know him better than anyone and know to be wary, but even if it is just to speak occasionally that would be wonderful!
ReplyDeleteThank you. We'll see.
DeleteBelated birthday greetings Madam Pixie! At sixty three do you think you might need a walking frame?...I was a little surprised but delighted that you are considering reaching out to your son. He is an adult - the same age as my son - but they are still our children. I very much hope that with the passage of time you can find a way to show him that there is still a precious thread that connects you and it is called love - in spite of everything that has passed.
ReplyDeleteDo you mean a zimmer. Yes! I speak English:) When it is time I will get one. Everyone older person hates them because it makes them look old, but they increase your stability and independence.
DeleteAnd my son, time will tell.