Rebecca Cheptegei died today. She was a marathon runner who recently competed in the Paris Olympics. She was a 33 year old mother of two daughters, aged 12 and 13. Two days ago, her ex-partner doused her with gasoline and set her on fire, over a dispute about land. Two days ago, a man thought it was okay to set his ex-partner on fire, because he was angry, because he didn't get what he wanted. This man and his culture and the world told him that it's okay to kill a woman.
Every day, 133 women are killed in the world by their intimate partners or family members. Every day women are beaten, mutilated and killed. Every day women are targeted because of their gender.
When I was in grade four, our teacher was beaten to death by her husband. Shortly after I graduated from high school, one of our classmates was beaten to death by her boyfriend. When I worked at the RAH, one of the nurses there was killed by her husband. When I lived in the West End of Edmonton, a young nurse was killed by her ex-boyfriend, after her late shift. He waited for her to get off work, killed her and then set her car on fire. And that's just me and some of the women I've known.
I've been both physically and sexually assaulted by the men in my life and most women you talk to have a story to tell of things that have happened to them.
And my question is, what did we do to piss men off? Why are men so afraid of women? This is not a new phenomenom, men having been killing women for thousands of years and my question is why?
So I did very little research and found this article,"The weaker sex? Science that shows women are stronger than men.". Granted this is confirmation bias but it is also my lived experience. And is this why men are afraid of women? Because they know, deep down, that they need us more than we need them? Do they resent this dependence?
I don't have answers and I apologize to the men who are not monsters, who read this post, but I am so sad and angry today, to hear that another woman, a woman who was succeeding and doing well, a woman who was showing other women how to succeed, was murdered by her ex-partner.
I read an article in the New Yorker magazine, I think, about how women in some cultures who become world-class runners risk more domestic abuse and murder than other women. Lots of factors but the fact that these women become known and also generally make some money is a main one.
ReplyDeleteI have heard something recently that I think rings true and that is that men are afraid women will laugh at them whereas women are afraid men will kill them. I think there is truth in this. We should all be outraged.
I'm so glad you wrote about this. Rebecca Cheptegei's death is heartbreaking and traumatizing. I'm also thinking about the movement by women in India the "Take Back the Night," because the night is so dangerous for women, and only because of men. Why should we not have the same full and complete access to the world that men enjoy. Why do we always need to look around ourselves to make sure we are not in imminent danger from a man in our orbit. I share your grief about this. How could we be so many eons into human existence and this is still true?
ReplyDeleteRecently, in a TV debate on all the dangers that supposedly come from migrants a participant read out this (the statistics relate to Germany):
ReplyDelete"There is a demographic group that is responsible for
78% of all bodily harm
85% of murders
89% of homicides
94% of child sexual abuse
98% of sexual harassment
98% of rapes"
A large proportion of the audience thought the figures referred to male refugees from Muslim countries when in fact this is the official 2023 statistic of the Federal Criminal Police Office on crimes comitted by men of all backgrounds.
I did not know until reading this that Rebecca had died. Just heart-breaking. Sadly, so many of us know what it is like to be abused or to live in fear of a man killing us.
ReplyDeleteThis was the first story I read this morning on the CBC news site and it upset me too, although truly it occurs everywhere, all the time. Toxic beliefs about male supremacy and misogyny (hatred of women) underlie much male behaviour the world over, since the beginning of time. But Hate is always a cover for an underlying emotion, which as you point out, is Fear. So -- Hate, Fear, and then there is a third factor -- Greed, the desire to control and use women's productivity for themselves, both in terms of women's labour and our ability to bear children for their purposes. Individual men act out these toxic beliefs (believing themselves entitled to do so) and most of a society's institutions and organizations enforce those beliefs as well.
ReplyDeleteIt is horrific; I can't get my mind around the mindset of someone who would do this. It's so far out of my comprehension. I wonder what kind of consequence (if any) he'll face. It's not in the news as much here since we've had a recent school shooting. More "thoughts and prayers" and no action on banning or even restricting sophisticated weaponry. How does a 14 year get a hold of a weapon of war?
ReplyDeleteThe 14 year old's father bought him that gun for Christmas last year. The father has now been arrested.
DeleteI read about this today. I have nothing to add to what you and the others have so aptly stated. As Margaret pointed out, we've had our 45th school shooting for the calendar year 2024. A statistic I got from a CNN article about this. It's all too much.
ReplyDeleteIt's incomprehensible that one human would do that to another human. Oh wait, we're not actually people, are we? We're vessels, property, items to be controlled. Not all men are bad, but too many of them are. It seems intractable.
ReplyDeleteI can't even . . .
ReplyDeleteThat's terrible to read about the poor woman, and not even thinking about the children. You've known rather too many victims of male violence. While I consider our statistics horrendous, I don't know how they compare to the rest of the world. I seem to recall two women a week are killed in Australia by a domestic male partner, so that would upward of one hundred a year in a population of 25 million. It doesn't sound great to me.
ReplyDeleteIt makes me want to cry that that beautiful woman died such a horrible death at the hands of a coward. But you know what, you're right, women are stronger than men. I recently watched the Netflix programme Mountain Queen and that lovely lady went through hell at the hands of her violent husband. He then brought her to the States where she didn't speak the language and belittled her constantly as stupid - and look at them now. He's dead and she's a superstar!!! As you know, my ex was violent but I always thought "oh he would never" (kill me), until one day I realized he could indeed kill me. Maybe not intentionally, but in a fit of rage. My apologies also to the decent men out there, but given the new "law" in Afghanistan now where women are no longer even allowed to speak in public I despair!
ReplyDeleteI hate the bland generalisation that women are stronger than men. However, it is clearly true that some women are stronger than some men. The opposite is also true. Having been the son of a strong woman, the husband of a strong woman, the father of a strong daughter and the work colleague of several strong women, I have always been a fierce feminist.
ReplyDeleteYes, I saw that story. Appalling -- as are all these crimes you mention. Even though I'm a man I'm not sure what the answer is. I think many men struggle with their sense of self-worth and they take out their doubts and fears on their partners -- particularly if those partners are more successful. That's probably pretty obvious, and not at all acceptable, but it seems to me the best explanation.
ReplyDeleteAmen, sister!
ReplyDeleteYou said it. Perfectly. And so did all your commenters.
ReplyDelete- Kate
ReplyDeleteSaddened to hear the brutality of the DV that caused this Young Woman Athlete's horrific Death. I'm Retired for the DA's Office and the DV Files were always some of the most violent and brutal. My first Marriage was ended prematurely due to the threat of DV. He was a danger to myself and the Children so I did not stay in the relationship and I realized some Men have a predisposition to be unable to manage their Anger and tendencies towards solving problems violently. Choosing a Partner is tricky, you can't always tell what someone is like until you're living with them daily. Also, Alcohol and Drug Abuse, any Substance Abuse, usually escalates the dangers posed. Warning Signs should be heeded.
ReplyDelete