While Eastern Canada bakes under a heat dome, we have been inundated with rain and cold temperatures. Hopefully, we'll have some heat and sun this week before we get more rain. This morning it was 3C (37F). Sigh. It seems unlikely I will get many tomatoes this year but the flowers are happy enough.
My daugther and her fiance visited last weekend and we had a lovely, but rushed visit. We took Jack to the park, they visited friends she went to school with, we took Miss Katie to Fort Edmonton, my husband made burgers on his new Traeger and we walked the dogs. She's coming back this weekend to cater my retirement party on Saturday night. I imagine we'll feel just as rushed and busy this coming weekend.
I've done very little to prepare for this party. As much as I want to stop working, I'm going to miss my work family so much. I will still work from time to time, but it won't be the same. My life will move on, as will theirs. It's life. I was listening to Julia Louis Dreyfus interview Jane Fonda on her podcast yesterday and Jane Fonda was talking about the third act of her life and I realized that retirement is the start of my third act as well.
Last night as I was sitting with Jack, I told him that we would be seeing his lawyer this week. He asked why and I explained that this man helps to decide where Jack will live and be safe. Jack was distraught and said, he didn't want to live anyplace else. I told him that he could always live with us and that was not the problem. He made me promise that I would tell the lawyer that he wanted to live with us. I said I would.
I never want Jack to feel like he has to choose between his mom and us. I know his mom loves him but she can't even take care of herself, even when she's sober. There's no way she could work and get him to school (she's still not working) and stay sober. It's too much to put on the shoulders of a five year old, which is why he had his own lawyer appointed I guess. The lawyer meeting is on Thursday and then next month is the JDR.
I spoke to Gracie's mom a few weeks ago and she agreed that Gracie can't take care of Jack and that he needs to stay with us. We also talked about his ADHD and she was against medication. I can understand that but if it's the only way he can make it through school, then we'll put him on medication. There is also home schooling as an option. I guess we'll see what happens. I think my third act will be busy.
It will be a relief when the legalities are settled for Jack; I hope they will be to your satisfaction. I'll be thinking of you on Saturday, celebrating retirement -- which, if the other healthcare retirees I know of are any example, won't be a full retirement at all because they are called in so often anyway. However it works out for you, may it suit you well. I'm always happy to find my contentment knows few bounds when I don't have to go to work more than once a week; even that is too much, though I'll always go when asked. I appreciate the benefits and of course the cash, and am being unrealistic to think I can do fine without them. And just think, Ms Pix, how much more free time you'll have to write blog entries! Woo hoo!
ReplyDeleteI think the legalities with Jack will go on until he turns eighteen, but I could be wrong. I'm home this week, last week and three days next week, two days of work and then that's it. Seems strange.
DeleteI hope the party is wonderful. I too, hope Jack's situation is sorted out, you're his parent, I hope the courts just stop letting this circus continue. Gracie's mom means well but she has yet to advocate for Jack in a meaningful way. They are entirely out to lunch on the situation.
ReplyDeleteSadly Gracie is only about Gracie, what's best for Jack doesn't factor into her thinking.
DeleteEven at 42, my son-in-law isn't necessarily functional for jobs with his ADHD and probably should be on medication. It's a tough call though. I'm glad that you could reassure Jack about his living situation; I'm glad he has the Big Guy and you to provide him with the security and love that he deserves. Have a wonderful retirement party! Remember that, although it's your third act, you can bring in people and activities from your prior acts whenever you feel like it. We are the sum of our parts.
ReplyDeleteThe new theory is that ADHD is just another kind of neurodiversity, which makes sense. Everything other trait of humans is on a spectrum, why not neurology?
DeleteI think I will cry a lot at the party.
Why on earth would the other grandmother be against medicating for ADHD? Does she even get a vote? Enjoy your retirement party, and the third chapter. Glad Jack has his own lawyer who will represent his interests.
ReplyDeleteThe other grandma is also a guardian, so that's where her vote comes in. Apparently her husband, the one how killed himself, also had ADHD and medications "messed him up", is how she put it. I think the abuse of his adoptive family probably did more to mess him up, but what do I know.
DeleteEnjoy your retirement party! And sleep in on Sunday, the first day of your Third Act!
ReplyDeleteI still wake up around five am, irritates the hell out of me. I do just lie in bed though and sometimes I fall back to sleep:)
DeleteI wonder who came up with the term ADHD? What was schooling and life in general like before this label was invented? I remember when ADHD first entered my consciousness in the secondary schools where I worked. It wasn't long before a drug called ritalin came along to "treat" ADHD and it seemed to turn some lively children into zombies. I was very suspicious of it and possible side effects. ADHD varies between those deemed to have it. It is a cover-all term. The makers of ritalin and similar drugs will have no doubt "earned" a fortune through widespread sales.
ReplyDeleteI image a psychiatrist came up with the name. There have always been kids like this in school, except they used to beat them with sticks or give them the strap. They often left school before graduation I'm guessing, and ended up in jobs that they were either too smart for, or allowed them to use the traits of ADHD to their advantage. About a quarter of all prison inmates have been diagnosed with ADHD, so a lot of them end up there. And prior to organized school, these kids learned on the job, so to speak, usually ending up doing what their parents did.
DeleteWhen my son was diagnosed with ADHD, I realized that I was too and there is a lot of work being done right now around women with ADHD or ADD. I'm so lucky that I fell into nursing. It turned out to be the perfect job for me, I don't have to sit:) I also wonder how much of my depression is related to ADD. I have also quit beating myself for being disorganized, verbally impulsive, trouble completing tasks, not wanting to wait in lineups, I could go on and on. It's kind of nice to be able to say, this is how my brain works, it's different than how your brain works and that's okay.
I don't want Jack to feel bad but he also has to make it through school, not easy when you don't pay attention, talk too much and get the zoomies.
Where Jack is concerned I have a hard heart for Gracie. It's too bad she's what she is, but that boy is who is important. He needs the stability you give him and frankly, Gracie's visits should be supervised in my not asked for opinion. Other grandma doesn't have a right to an opinion on Jack, care. From someone without a right to an opinion.
ReplyDeleteNow onto the party. It will be a good time tinged with a bit of sadness. I don't think the sadness will hang around too long.
I agree with what your wrote. Jack's other grandma knows how messed up Gracie is and knows that Gracie can't raise Jack, but she's also afraid Gracie might kill herself. She's already lost her husband to suicide when this whole started, I think that's why she's so hesitant to put her foot down.
DeleteYou certainly have your third act of life work waiting for you. That young boy will be /is a challenge but also a delight. Also, I hope you will have a great good bye party!
ReplyDeleteI know near to nothing about ADHD apart from the publications of a friend from long ago - we are no longer in personal contact - and I have no idea how valid his viewpoint is. Maybe decide yourself: https://davidhealy.org/
I'll have to check that link, thank you.
DeleteMissing workmates was the only thing about my job that I missed, and even that soon passed after a few months. Nearly five years later, I am starting to forget their names etc. Funnily my memories of people early in my working life are much more clear than more recent people. It seems like you will be busy enough in retirement and a lot to live for.
ReplyDeleteThe young nurses are a cross between friends and daughters, I love them and will miss them.
Delete37paddington—how lovely that your daughter will cater your party. Yes, you’ll be busy, and Jack will be safe with you. That little boy knows what’s what. I have lately understood i am ADHD, which presents differently in girls. For me it’s like five channels coming in at once, but paradoxically it can also make me hyper focused. You will do what’s right for Jack. I’m so glad he has you.
ReplyDeleteI can get hyper focused too, it helps sometimes, except when someone is trying to get your attention:)
DeleteCan't wait to see how your third act plays out. Great, I'm sure. And well done you for standing up for Jack - you are a great grandma!
ReplyDeleteThanks. Lets hope it's a long third act:)
DeleteMy oldest son was ADHD, and I had him on Ritalin (10 mg) while he was in elementary school. One pill every morning except on the weekends so he could just be himself. They helped him stay focused in school but then came the decision by the doctor that he wasn't going to prescribe them anymore! By that time, my boy was better able to get through school without the aid of the Ritalin.
ReplyDeleteIf a child was zombie-like, then the dose was too high or they were being over-medicated! If a low dose drug can help Jack, then you need to talk to his doctor about it!
Of course you're going to cry at your party ... it's your party and you can cry if you want to! Carry some tissues with you!
My son was on Ritalin as well. It helped him enough that he was able to get through school and even has a business degree, despite his criminal record. I've never been on any meds like that, I don't do well with stimulants. We'll see what happens with Jack.
DeleteI'm a weeper, I always have tissues handy:)
It's sad to see Jack feel anxiety over his future and his living circumstances. That's not something a child should ever have to feel. I've said it before but I'll say it again -- he's so fortunate he has you.
ReplyDeleteIt's sucks that a kid has to deal with this, but he's not alone.
DeleteMy grandson is on Ritalin. He has not experienced the zombie effect. It just smoothes out his day and makes hm less hyper. It is all about correct dosage. His worst side effect is loss of appetite.
ReplyDelete