Monday, December 19, 2022


We had our family dinner last night, or should I say, my girlfriend came over for supper.  My daughter in law canceled an hour and a half before supper; the same supper I spent a couple of days cooking for.  She said she was tired and stressed, which I can understand, but then went on to say that she was in the middle of a spiritual journey, that she was an empath and a psyhic and was entering the hermit stage of her journey.  Anyway, she got her two hundred dollars as a gift from me and then canceled.  Lesson learned, again.  She's canceled three times on me now and keeps asking me for money.  I've given her the benefit of that doubt but I'm not doing that again.

I had also invited a girlfriend and she came; we had a nice visit.  She also went home with a lot of leftovers which worked well for everyone.  She doesn't have to cook this week and I we won't have to eat turkey for weeks on end.

Strangely, I wasn't surprised or even angry about my daughter in law canceling.  The whole empath/psychic was a surprising turn of events but whatever.  I hardly know the woman and perhaps she's been like this her whole life.  I tried.  I'm done.

Katie came over for lunch because the malls are too busy right now to take her there.  She has a hard time with noise.  She ate well and went home.  We did have a video chat with her sister which was nice.  

Jack was up and down yesterday.  Cranky at times and then sweet.  More than once he told me that he longer loved me, usually when I was doing something he didn't like.  I told him that I understood.  He also learned a new word yesterday, discombobulated which he liked.  It was in a book he got from McDonald's of all places.  He even knows what it means.

Do you ever wonder who you really are?  I do.  I've been a caregiver for many, many years, since my son was born I guess, almost forty years.  I'm stubborn and funny.  I'm impatient and patient, both, which always surprises me.  I hate disappointing people which makes me a people pleaser I guess.  I often find people overwhelming and confusing to deal with.  I am easily bored and hate putting in the time to become skilled at something.  But when I look back over my life, I have put in the time and have become skilled at some things.  So do I not see myself clearly?  Or am I both?  Why not?  Or do I just expect too much of myself and then feel disappointed in myself?

My siblings are not fond of me.  I'm too much for them.  I'm not fond of my siblings either if I'm truthful.  One sister is a relgious woman with a healthy dose of self righteousness that rubs me the wrong way.  My other sister has a brain injury and is devoted to her twin sister to the exclusion of all others.  And my brother has walls up around him that keep everybody out; he is my father all over again.  If I'm truthful, I have walls up around me too.  The only boundaries in my family were walls. 

It's Christmas time.  I wish I had a family that cared about me, that I also cared about.  A family of kind, compassionate people who helped one another.  The kind of family I have built with friends, so I guess I do have a family that cares about me but I'm too oblivious at times to see that.  

Does age bring any wisdom?  I hope so. Fingers crossed. 





15 comments:

  1. That last photo looks like my Mari! I've dropped much of my family and focused more on my friends and daughters, those who care about me and treat me with love. We all hope for close relationships with our blood relatives but that isn't always possible or even healthy. I tried too hard with several family members for years until I gave up. I feel better for it, much less stressed and burdened. I'm glad you had a good dinner with your friend. In my life, I've found that I expect people to treat me as well as I do them and that's often been a disappointment.

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  2. I've been reading for some time but haven't commented much. Your description of yourself is very similar to my daughter, a people pleaser to the detriment of yourself, easily bored but capable of learning and mastering things that truly interest you (perhaps hyper-focusing), and being too much for people. She was recently, in her mid-30's, diagnosed with attention deficit disorder. Most often, girls are not diagnosed because the hyperactivity often seen in boys isn't there.
    I don't know if this might explain some of your traits/experiences, but I'll risk writing this here hoping it won't offend.
    I admire your willingness to take on Jack - he's fortunate to have you and your husband in his corner. Wishing all the best.

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  3. I'm not offended. I realized I was ADD when my son was diagnosed years ago. I see it as a plus.

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  4. The holidays are hard. Your daughter-in-law is ridiculous. You are wonderful.

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    1. To be honest I don't really know my daughter in law very well; I've only met her a handful of times. I kept my distance until my son went to jail and then I reached out to her. I imagine she's always been like this, I just didn't know about it. Surprise!

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  5. An empath and a psychic? And she's beginning the hermit stage of her journey? Well hell. Doesn't sound like the world will be hurt too much by her lack of presence in it for awhile. Seems like meanwhile she could intuit that she's rude.
    Hang in there, lady. This is a very stressful time and you have an awful lot on your plate. Do something nice for yourself.

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    1. I'm doing well, all things considered. I'm not angry or hurt by her which is a huge win for me. I did kind of chuckle though when I read the psychic part. You'd think she might have known more than 1.5 hours ahead of time that she wasn't coming. It all worked out in the end.

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  6. 37paddington:
    You know, I feel that I have a loving family around me yet the man and I will be alone on Christmas because our kids are busy doing their lives. Our boy will be working, his wife will be with her parents one state over, and our girl will be upstate with her in laws. They all have to meet competing familial demands and I think I’ve decided the kind thing is to release them at Christmas since I don’t really know how to do Christmas anyway. Once we have grandkids that might change, but for now I’m settling in for a quiet day, knowing I’ll be relieved when another Christmas is behind me. I give too many gifts to make up for my lack of knowing how to make Christmas magical. As my mother did. As I never learned to do. I guess we just need to let go of the expectation that things should be other than they are. That’s what I’m trying for at least. Happy holidays to you. I’m glad you and your friend got to kick things off in loving style, without the stress of the psychic empath entering her hermit stage. Heck I might be a psychic empath entering my hermit stage too. It actually sounds kind of appealing in an escapist way. Ok. I’ll stop talking now. Sending love.

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    1. I think Christmas is only magical to very young children who still believe. It's got nothing to do with you. I want to shake you sometimes; you're so hard on yourself, says the woman who does the very same thing:) Do as I say, not as I do.
      I didn't know there was a hermit stage; this is new information for me. I think perhaps she has a lot of trauma in her past and doesn't know how to differentiate between her own emotions and those of others. I often have that problem as well. I'm only now starting to deal better with it.

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  7. tis the season for melancholy and family disappointments. Focus on those close to you. Ignore the rest. Next year will be better. I feel it in my waters.

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    1. Your last line reminded me of "Love Actually" and the song, Christmas Is All Around. I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes. I still love that movie. I watched "Bad Moms Christmas" yesterday and enjoyed that one too.

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  8. Family dynamics can be so complex, we Love unconditionally yet the Liking part can be tricky with some members, can't it? Princess T told me she does not Like Allen, her Brother's new Husband, but she's Thankful that her Brother has him, becoz she knows they're good for each other and Allen will take excellent Care of her Brother. It's not that Allen is a bad person at all, his personality and ways of Being are challenging for some in the Family and he's 'New', so fitting in and finding his place among us. I know he has no real place in his own Family and hasn't for Years, so I embrace him and Hope he can find more connection with us than he was able to with his own Loved Ones. Since the Wedding it's gotten better for him with his own Family so I'm hopeful a reconciliation can manifest to where they learn how better to become closer and value one another more? It is almost always Work to cultivate any Relationship. To be Truthful, there are many people I don't want to put the Work into myself or have tried to and feel it's just too much Work... or, I just don't Like them, and we just don't gel so I'm okay with being cordial and kind, nice to all of them and close to none of them that I don't want to be. Jack developing such big vocabulary is reminding me of The Daughter and her Son, The Young Prince, both were like Jack that way at a very young age. I remember The Daughter, at Two, loved the Word Paraphernalia and knew what it meant, she wanted My Little Pony and all it's Paraphernalia... a Woman overhearing her thought mebbe she was a Little Person and older than Two. *LOL* As for the DIL last minute cancellation... well, we've dealt with that ourselves with some people who just lack consideration and honesty about invitations. If they really would rather Opt Out, just say so in the Invitation Phase. If you must Cancel, try not to do it at the 11th Hour so your Hosts aren't burdened with a No Show without sufficient notice... or any notice if you just get Stood Up. Her Spiritual Journey huh, well, that was an Imaginative Excuse now, wasn't it? *Bwahahahahaha*

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  9. When I was young my grandmother, who I loved, and her sister who I didn't see much of but idolized, didn't speak or see each other. The story why was kept from young ears and I never found out. It upset me that they were so stubborn and as they got older, lonely,...why wouldn't they just forget the past and get together?
    I never found out why but now that I'm older I have a lot more understanding as to the possibilities. (sigh) family.

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  10. Sorry about your DIL. That's disappointing, though she sounds like a bit of a handful, to be honest. It's not very empathetic to cancel on someone at the last minute, is it?!

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