Saturday, November 26, 2022


Our cat is not impressed with the mild weather, or rather, she likes the mild weather but not the wet on her bottom.  She wants to be outside though, even if it means sitting on the window ledge outside.  Who am I to argue?

We had a meeting this past week with Jack's other two guardians.  We have decided to keep things as they are for now until after Christmas at least, probably until March.  We talked about Gracie's mental illness and I said that I doubt she will ever be able to raise Jack.  I asked Jack's aunt if she was willing to raise him.  She seemed shocked and unwilling.  She's a young woman, in a stable relationship but they don't really want children now.  

Jack's other grandma, only wants to be his grandma, not raise him.  I guess we'll see what plays out.  We did all agree that Jack comes first, not his mama.  We haven't heard from Gracie in a week.  Jack was sick last week but he's mostly back to normal, still kind of tired and a little cranky though. 

This morning I took him to the dog park with Heidi to run some energy off.  We found an old snowman which he quite liked, then he ate a lot of snow.  I kept telling him that it was dirty with dog pee and dog poop but he was not put off by that.  You can only do so much.


I had a bad week, feeling down and wobbly.  I finally realized what was really bothering me.  There's a good chance we'll end up raising Jack which will take me to seventy-five, or most of the rest of my life.  I'm okay with that, slightly resentful, not with Jack but with his useless parents.  However, what really worries me is what if Jack ends up like his dad, despite everything.  And if that happens, does that mean the problem is me?  My husband assures no but that thought lies there in my mind.

I take on far too much responsibility for everything and everyone.  If someone is mad, it must be because of something I've done or said.  I have very poorly defined boundaries, despite all the work I've done.  Actually, my boundaries are much better than they used to be but still need work.  I feel guilt for so much that it is out of my control.  It's a wonder I keep going sometimes.

And because we all need more funny in life.




17 comments:

  1. Funny first...yes!!! I used to say common sense doesn't seem all that common.

    You are left in a very hard place, being as no one else will take responsibility for this little human. It isn't fair, it's just there. You have every right to feel resentment, you didn't ask for this anymore than they did. They know you'll take it on and because you are that person Jack is likely best off with you. Jack has every chance of a normal life with a stable home. It's sad you didn't ask for it, but Jack is one lucky little fellow you are willing to stand up. I feel for you.

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    1. So often in life we get things we don't ask for it seems. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself but most of the time I'm okay.

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  2. What a difficult situation all round. Don't forget your son had two parents. There is absolutely no reason to blame yourself for how he turned out.

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    1. As Merlot said, your son had two parents. And Jack does too, so there’s no telling what is due to «nature »—but you and the Big Guy have « nurture » covered. Joan

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    2. Couldn't agree with you both more. While Jack may have been unlucky in some respects, as far as Pixie and the Big Guy are concerned he's hit the jackpot!

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    3. My son's dad is also a sociopath and I had hoped to spare my son that but was unable to, which is what worries me.

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  3. That is a stressful situation and I understand your mixed feelings about it. Jack comes first yet that puts a lot of pressure and stress on you (and the Big Guy) since no one else wants to take on the responsibility. As long as they can both help, maybe it won't be as difficult? Picking our battles with toddlers, oy. I know it well. I too feel a lot of guilt over both my daughters. If only I had been the perfect parent, perhaps they would have no problems? Sounds silly now that I write it.

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    1. My neighbor calls three year olds threenagers and I remember my middle daughter at this age, she was awful. I need to remember to breathe and that it won't last forever. Yesterday, Jack was the child from hell. Today he's having a nap which will make everyone, including him, much happier.

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  4. I think I would feel very much as you do if I were in your situation. To be honest- there WOULD be resentment. When you have spent your entire life caretaking, there is an underlying belief that at some point, most of that will be done with. I still help take care of my grandchildren but it is in a grandparenting role. Not a parenting role. There is a huge difference.
    How I wish I could hug you.

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  5. We know that what a child experiences during the early years shapes the most important foundation for the life course and the environment where a child grows up, lives and learns - be it parents, caregivers, family and community - has the biggest impact. Nobody is born bad and no child is raised by just one person. Kids don't do what we say, they do what we do.

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    1. I know but sometimes it's hard to convince my brain of this:)

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  6. Let me just say it: You are not responsible for your son being an addict or alcoholic. In addition, it is quite normal to feel resentment for the situation your son and Gracie have put you in, and to fear that history will repeat itself. Anyone would have these concerns. However, I can think of so many situations where history doesn't repeat itself. Jack seems like a delightful little guy who will grow up learning to adjust to all sorts of situations. He has a strong support network and loads of love. He may even grow up to be the kind of grandson who wants to protect and care for his grandmother.

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    1. I like to borrow worry from the future, for things to worry about, things that haven't happened and may never happen. I am my mother's daughter that way.

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  7. You should be proud of yourself - having the guts, the selflessness and the moral decency to step up to the mark, ready to take Jack on because hell, you love him and who would be there for him otherwise? You cannot help your innate goodness.

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    1. I don't believe that I am innately good, far from it, rather a complicated mess of guilt, love, tears and hope.

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  8. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I am so glad that Jack has you and the big guy. If it changes and he lives with someone else, he still has you. You will always be a source of safety and comfort. That is no small thing.

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  9. I can see how being faced with the possibility (or probability) of raising Jack would be a sobering thought, but hopefully not a dreadful one. You are making a huge difference in his life, no matter what.

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