How to make cookies.
Look at the recipe and realize that all your butter is frozen.
Go out to the mudroom and take a couple of pounds of butter out of the freezer.
Put frozen butter on counter and then realize it will take way too long to warm up.
Put one pound of butter in microwave to defrost.
Let the dog out.
Keep checking the butter in the microwave because you don't want it melted.
Let the dog back in.
Ready to chop up the nuts.
Realize the nut container is almost empty.
Drag the chair over to the cupboard to check for more nuts at top of cupboard.
No nuts in baking cupboard.
Get off chair, open pantry door and slide chair into pantry, check for nuts.
Nuts found at back of pantry, top shelf.
Chop up two cups of nuts.
Let the cat outside.
Start to chop up the glace cherries.
Grandchild finally notices what you're doing and asks, what dat?
Tell grandchild to please let the cat in.
Butter still not ready.
Assemble the rest of the ingredients.
Grandchild definitely now interested, insists he help with measuring of cocoa.
Let other dog out.
Start to cream butter.
Grandchild wants to hold mixer, pulls chair over to help.
Tell grandchild he has to wash his hands first.
Take grandchild to bathroom, turn on taps and give him soap. Turn off taps.
Grandchild calls in about three minutes to say he is done.
Turn taps back on and rinse soap off of grandchild's hands and dry them.
Grandchild up on chair and then counter.
Grandchild is being toilet trained so has no diaper on, sits on counter with bare bum.
Grandchild turns mixer up to highest speed.
Butter sprays across kitchen.
Dog now in kitchen, licking up butter.
Add sugar to creamed butter and beat together.
More butter and sugar spray.
More dog licking.
Wooden spoon has migrated to spot on counter that had contact with bare bum.
Wooden spoon moved to sink and new wooden spoon located and placed away from bare bum contact.
Grandchild wants to lick beaters.
Explain that it's only butter and sugar.
This does not deter grandchild.
Let dog outside.
Dry ingredients added to butter and sugar mixture.
Grandchild wants to mix the dough but is not able to, I not strong enough?
Grandchild continues to lick beaters.
Beat together all ingredients by hand with clean wooden spoon that has not been near the bare bum.
Transfer all ingredients to a larger bowl because you made a double recipe and don't have room to properly mix ingredients.
Cover bowl with saran wrap and place in fridge.
Clean grandchild's hands and face.
Let dog back inside.
Clean up butter and sugar spray that dogs have missed.
At this point you will be too tired to continue on with making the cookies.
Leave in fridge until you have the energy to roll the cookies and bake them.
Place in freezer for Christmas.
Yes, yes, this sounds familiar. I can't leave butter out on the counter because my cat loves it and will lick it until it's gone. My grandson also insists on "helping" which makes every task twice (10 times?) as long.ReplyDelete
Sounds more like an assault course!!!!!ReplyDelete
Ha-ha! I can picture it all but I was waiting for the line which said "Grandpa comes in kitchen to take grandchild out of the way - saving the day like Superman".ReplyDelete
That is way too funny for this early of the morning in S. Colorado! Probably a very wise idea to save the cookie dough for Christmas cookies!ReplyDelete
The British have a great expression -- "faffing around." That is a LOT of faffing around! But at least now you have cookie dough ready to go!ReplyDelete
And this is why raising human beings who know how to do things is just about the hardest thing in the world. They want to help SO MUCH, don't they?ReplyDelete
Bless you and your patience.
Those cookies will be all the better for the rest and Jack will be a better person for you taking the time and energy to allow him in the kitchen to make cookies with you.
You made me laugh. Thank you!!ReplyDelete
I find Jack, and his thoughtful questions/remarks to be utterly charming. What a sweetheart.ReplyDelete
Grandma needed to sit down with a large gin!ReplyDelete
A much appreciated giggle to start my day although I did feel your pain. The bare bum created quite the literary tension - would he or wouldn't he?
Too too tooo toooooo much.ReplyDelete
Also, I think your dog has stomach problems. 😉
OMG I so NEEDED this Laugh my Friend, having Raised Kids, G-Kids and Pets, I've had similar Adventures in the Household. I no longer Bake anything, easier to just go to the Bakery, yes, the Memories are less poignant and hilarious, but... you know... *Ha ha ha* I couldn't really say much about what crisis is at hand and don't want to, but DUI was involved in that bad car accident with Family... and I know you understand when Adult Kids never take your Sage advice to Heart and avoidable Crisis then play out horribly. I'm so weary of Adult Kids and their litany of problems and bad life choices, but, what can you do once they're grown... except run damage control and clean up messes in the wake of it. The Daughter got really hurt but is scared of hospitals and doesn't want serious injury involved to complicate things, there are more questions than answers right now. The other vehicle was abandoned with lights off in the middle of the Road on a dark stretch of dimly lit but fast moving traffic, which is very odd. Those occupants weren't even in the vehicle so don't know why they would have left it there and from what The Daughter said, they couldn't speak English but didn't know she's fluent, so she listened to the story they concocted, that wasn't truthful when Police arrived... so that's all suspicious and concerning too. It's going to be quite complicated, but most serious accidents are by their very nature. It brings me to a dark space of Memories of when The Man had his catastrophic accident and we were the only ones insured and his Million Dollar Hospital bill never got covered and his permanent injuries forever changed out lives in a very not good way. You never want to get one Call like that in a Lifetime, let alone Two, you know? Thanks for dropping by to connect during a difficult Holiday that has been upended now... I'm so NOT feeling Celebratory at all, but we've got so many coming over for Dinner, so we're making the best of it and Soldiering on. That little Guy of yours is so hilarious and he is sure making for some great Blog Fodder... that Laugh this Morning did me good my Friend, Thank You for sharing the hilarity and challenges of it all.ReplyDelete
I'm still laughing! Thank you for this. :)ReplyDelete
I just heard that you can unfreeze it like. Haven’t tried it yet so …. Big heat proof glass, fill with very hot water for a little, dump it out and invert glass over butter on counter and wait a few minutes. Definitely it as exciting as your day but …ReplyDelete