Sunday, February 6, 2022

The drama continues, as it always will in Gracie's life I imagine.  Jack is safe and loved but also confused I think.  I think he's developing trust issues as well or maybe that's just part of growing up, learning that the adults around you are not always worthy of your trust.  

Gracie was supposed to have moved out of our house last weekend but hasn't moved anything yet.  We have a new renter, a friend of Gracie's, who is a lovely, clean, hard working young woman.  Gracie has just left all her shit at the house and is "too stressed" to move it.  She left behind a helluva mess which will cost thousands of dollars to fix.  

She also didn't bother to attend the last meeting with the social worker, because she "forgot", even though the social worker had only talked to her that morning.

I'm going to talk to Lori, Gracie's mom.  We need a plan B when everything goes off the rails in April.  Lori goes back to work in April and Gracie's sister is going back to BC in April.  Gracie won't have anyone to supervise her visits anymore.  Children's Services is now out of the picture because Jack has two grandmas as guardians.  It's up to us and Gracie now, and Gracie can't cope.  She has no job, her EI runs out soon, she has no daycare and no money to pay for it, and she's started using weed again because she's anxious.  Her life is just one continuous loop.

My plan is to make sure we have daycare in place, which means us paying for it, and then continuing to care for Jack, along with Lori.  Because Lori and I are guardians now, we can take Jack home with us if we feel he is unsafe or uncared for.  We have the legal right.  We can also call for welfare checks to make sure he and Gracie are ok if Gracie doesn't answer the door or the phone.

Not last week but the week before, I got some news from my daughter that felt like a punch to the gut and which I won't share here because it's her story. I know she values her privacy, or at least I know now that she values her privacy.  I grew up in a family where there was no privacy or boundaries so I'm not very good at privacy and boundaries but I'm trying.

I'm better now but the news dragged me under for a bit.  I couldn't stop crying.  And then this past week, my best friend called me, her husband had died in his sleep on Monday night.  He was only sixty-six.  My friend has cancer, her husband was healthy, or so we all thought.  It felt like a one two punch from the universe and I cried hard.

And then on Wednesday Jack came back to us, along with us sunshine. Yesterday we took Jack to his swimming lesson.  I go in the pool with him and we have fun in the water.  We play.  I forget about play sometimes which is why grandchildren are such a good idea, they remind us to play.

And this is how I feel somedays.  Adulting is hard:)



  1. I truly hope Lori can get on board with you. She needs to set better boundaries, which I know is hard. I hope your daughter is ok, sending love and positive thoughts!

  2. I worry about Lori working with you or even realizing that Gracie's issues are as serious and on-going as they are. But as you've said, your focus needs to be Jack and his welfare. Playing is so important for adults as well as children. Therapeutic as well. You got hit hard with upsetting and tragic news; I'm so sorry. I too have boundary and privacy issues with my kids sometimes. Since my blog is where I write out my thoughts and emotions, it can be tough.

  3. Oh my I'm so sorry. Gracie is such a train wreck! I'm sure it would help if Lori just tackled Gracie's behaviour and left Jack to you, but that doesn't seem to have worked so far! I hope things work out for your daughter (I too have a hard time with boundaries too because I'm such an open book), and I'm really sorry to hear about your friend's husband. That all was more than just a one-two! But .... I love those pictures - puppy being all coy and Jack having a blast in the pool!

  4. A moment of clarity for me! I had been thinking that Lori was Gracie's sister and was puzzled that she had a major part in the picture. Now I understand that Lori is Jack's other grandmother.

    Gracie's behavior is heartbreaking on so many levels, especially as it relates to Jack. She is on the path of successfully sabotaging any meaningful relationship with Jack. Drug addiction and alcoholism destroy relationships, along with destroying the addict and alcoholic.

    It is heartening to see that Jack is thriving under the care of you and the Big Guy. The situation is challenging for a little boy to absorb and make sense of and yet he is learning to be careful about where he places his trust -- a difficult and important developmental stage.

    You and the Big Guy and Jack shine with love for each other.

    Wonderful photos!

    Sending love as you meet all the challenges that come to you and also find yourself in a position to play while being there for Jack. Being in water can bring out playfulness and healing!

  5. Life seems to have you targeted, doesn't it? You are having to absorb so many blows. It comforts me to know that Jack is being watched carefully and that he is with you so often because I am absolutely sure that you and your husband have his best interests truly at heart and that you do love him tremendously.
    The news about your daughter is just one more thing that you are having to deal with. It's just not fair or right and yet- it is reality. I hope with all of my heart that things go as well for her as they possibly can.
    As to your friend whose husband just died- my god. I can't imagine. I do not want to imagine. And yet- we have to know that these things happen and not always just to random people out there in the world we don't know. They can happen to our loved ones, our neighbors, even to ourselves.
    Life is so hard. I think you are wise to play as often as you can.

  6. This is a hard journey, nothing is ever "fair", but your heart and soul is in it and you are not alone.

  7. I cannot pretend to know all the ins and outs there, but one thing that I will say is that we went through an awfully bleak period here when it seemed as if we were losing. William's father went spinning off the rail and it seemed like there was a lot more concern about his rights than there should have been. He is a two time felon (multiple counts) with a drug history. We were sick at the thought of relinquishing William back into that, even for limited times. But the courts do keep track of stuff, and gradually, as he became increasingly erratic, increasingly litigation minded (and then not showing up for the cases he initiated - he didn't have a lawyer and was trying to make sure that it cost us), the judge said last time that he would not grant visitation unless the man had ongoing drug tests and a complete mental evaluation. We know that he will refuse to do either one. The courts do monitor 'the level of crazy'. Fingers crossed for you. Document, document.

  8. I am so very sorry about the Loss of your Friend's Husband when she so desperately needs support system in place at Home, what a shock, since he seemed healthy. I'm also very sorry to hear that Gracie isn't sticking with the program, but to be honest, it was rather expected, No? I'm glad Jack has you Grandma's as Guardians and making the important decisions and not Social Services. You having the proper authority to legally make best decisions for him is preferable. Being sick of it when there is so much piled on is a burden upon us to keep it moving. I hope whatever upset you about the Daughter's situation has a solution that you hope for, it is hard not to be able to discuss something upsetting with anyone in order to properly respect privacy and confidentiality... it's heavy to carry it around untold and gnawing at you.

  9. Your story is like an Icelandic saga. On and on it weaves itself. I am sorry to hear that you got some upsetting news from your daughter in British Columbia and hope that everything is okay over there. I guess she must know that she can always rely on her mother's love and understanding.

  10. Thank goodness you all are there for Jack. And I'm so sorry about your daughter and your friend's husband! You certainly have a lot on your plate!

  11. Keep your head above water my friend. At least while in the pool. During the other times, one moment at a time. I know about trying to live that way. Easier said than done when dealing with addicts and liars but the only way to some semblance of peace. All we have is now.

    Look at me giving advice......maybe I am hoping I will take it.

  12. YOU need a month long vacation in Mexico! Or some kind of relaxing break. You deserve only goodness and love.

  13. What beautiful photos of Jack, looking safe and loved and happy. I could have guessed Gracie wouldn't be able to stay sober, and now once again you will have to pick up the pieces. I'm so sorry about the news you got from your daughter. I know you'll be there for her as much as you can, though I don't know how you are able to be there for so many people as need you. Somehow you do. Do pause sometimes to understand how effing awesome you truly are.

  14. That picture of Jack in the pool is just joyous.

  15. So sorry you are coping with so much. Just sending you a virtual hug.{} x