I'm stuck at home again with feet too painful to stand on all day at work. I can manage the plantar fasciitis when I'm at home with stretches, anti-inflammatories and ice but when I go to work the pain just increases. I went to work this morning and was limping around; then I took a patient upstairs and at one point it felt like a nail was pushing into my left heel and that pain didn't go away.
So I came home and I'm sitting on my ass with my foot on ice. I made an appointment for physio tomorrow morning and I'm hoping they'll be able to reduce the pain. Because I'm limping, my left ankle and right toes are increasinly painful too. Sigh.
On the weekend we missed Jack's swimming lesson because he fell asleep before the lesson, so I took him for a very slow walk at the dog park. We took Heidi and wandered through the woods with Jack saying the whole time, "Dis way. Dat way". I walked like an old lady and we both got to enjoy the trees, the fresh air and the sunshine. It was a lovely day, no mittens required.
Last night my daughter in law came over for supper with her daughter and my grandson, whom I had not yet me. My son remains in jail which is safer for everyone. So this woman is not Gracie, but another woman whom my son married and got pregnant. She's been through a lot these past two years with my son and is traumatized. Her daughter is nine and is a sweet girl. I didn't want to meet my grandson because I didn't want to get invovled with my son again but he's out of the picture now. That sounds awful but he is either a sociopath, or brain damaged from drugs, or mentally ill, or all of the above. I don't want contact with him to protect myself. But his wife and stepdaughter and son do need help.
So this little guy, I'll call him Charlie, is now a part of our lives. I joked at work this morning that I can start an orphanage just with my son's children. Charlie lives with his mom and she's doing better than Gracie. She's not an alcoholic, has a job and can drive. I guess we'll see what happens in the future.
Last light I felt myself holding back with Charlie, the big guy didn't hold back, but I could feel myself holding back. Fear, I'm guessing. Fear of attachment, fear of watching another child get hurt. Fear of raising another child. When I think of all the joy that Jack has given us, I need to let go of these fears.