Thursday, January 20, 2022


We got the results of Miss Katie's genetics testing and they were inconclusive.  There was a de novo deletion on one gene and it was deemd a variation of uncertain significance.  The good news is, that because it was de novo (something went wrong in the formation of the egg or sperm), it won't be present in our other children or grandchildren.  It won't be passed on, won't affect anyone other than Katie.

We had our meeting yesterday with Gracie, her family and the social worker.  Everyone was pretty angry and there were loud voices and tears but eventually things got worked out, a little.  I am so impressed with our social worker.  She is so calm and does such a good job of getting upset, stressed people back on track and focused on the main concern, Jack.  

Gracie's family came back from Mexico last Saturday.  On Sunday Gracie and her brother picked up Jack and wanted to have him for three or four nights.  We said no, one night and please take him to daycare in the morning.  Of course they didn't take him to daycare, the roads were bad they said.  There was a weather alert, travel was not advised which they abided by because it suited them.  When the government of Canada said please don't travel in December, it didn't apply to them because they wanted to go to Mexico.  They did finally get hold of the social worker and she gave the okay for Jack to stay with him for three nights until we had our meeting yesterday, which is all we wanted, communication with the social worker.

The social worker told Gracie and her family that she needs to see Gracie sober for three or four months prior to Gracie having unsupervised visits.  Lori, Gracie's mom, said, "Well it's already been three months."  The social worker said, no, from now, not from when Jack was taken into care.   

We all talked about how much time Jack should be spending with his mom and where.  Gracie will live with Lori while she needs to be supervised they said and they pretty much wanted Jack back full time which is when I started crying.  What was agreed on is we will have Jack Wednesday at supper until Saturday at suppertime.  Gracie and Lori will have him for the rest of the time.  

Even though this was agreed to, Jack still didn't come back to us last night because, well, you know, blah, blah, blah.  Gracie's family always pushes the limits.  Lori wants to keep Jack until next week because she wants to work on some intensive potty training.  It sounds so reasonable but there will always be something.  My hubby is picking Jack up tonight on the way home from work today.  I'm home again, sick with a snotty cold.  

Gracie's family was also upset that we had applied for parenting and guardianship.  It was pointed out that children's services asked us to do that and when we had our hearing in December, Lori did not want day to day parenting when asked by the judge.

After Gracie and her family had left, the social worker told us that she was pretty sure that Gracie would start drinking or using again which is good and bad.  We want it to happen while children's services is still involved because they have the power to tell Gracie and her family what's what.

My feeling is that Gracie thinks that she will be fine.  She'll get a job, nine to five, get a daycare, get her driver's licence and life will be just fine.  She hasn't been able to hold down a decent job since she became an adult.  She has been talking about her licence for as long as I've know her.  She started drinking and using when Jack was a month old.  Her and her family live in denial it seems to me but I guess time will tell.

In the meantime, my husband is mad as hell and wants to hurt someone or break something.  And I don't blame him, I do too, but it's hard.  Anger, even my own, scares me.  

I saw this online and it made me smile.  




14 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear you have a grandson in the children's services system. That's a tough situation but you're right, it's his best interests that must be paramount. Patience and forbearance are needed when dealing with this situation. I hope it all works out for the best!

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  2. This is just all so much. Too much. Is there any hope that you and your husband will become Jack's guardians? And quite frankly, "intensive potty training" sounds ominous to me. I seriously doubt that Lori is much more capable of being a decent caretaker of that boy than Gracie is.
    But. One has to work within the system, I guess. As you are. And it is very heartening that you like the social worker. She does sound very involved and caring. At least there is that.

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    1. I hope we all become Jack's guardians. Lori is a decent person and she's not an alcoholic like Gracie. She will make sure Jack is well taken care of. It's not her I worry about, it's Gracie, when she's on her own again with Jack.

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  3. You are doing your best. This is hard, you all deserve better.

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  4. Although she's not a user, I echo Ms Moon's doubts of Lori. She is enabling Gracie and went off to Mexico both of which are terribly irresponsible under the circumstances. I'm relieved that you get him back and that the social worker understands the complexities of the situation. Hoping for the best!!

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  5. I'm angry, too, not wanting to accept that Jack will be spending part of the week in a much less than optimal environment and, at the same time, I'm impressed by the way the social worker is doing all she can do to help Jack and you and the Big Guy under these these difficult circumstances, where social service protocols must be followed.

    I'm with the social worker in suspecting that Gracie will not be able to stay sober for three months. I'm also guessing that there will be more testing of limits to the point of gross inappropriateness by Gracie's family. Those failures to respect limits will be observed by the social worker as the red flags such failures are in regard to Jack's physical, emotional, and mental well-being.

    Good to hear that Katie's genetic results included a de novo deletion and that no one but Katie is affected by it genetically. From what you've written this past year, it is good to know that Katie is doing well in her care setting.

    Always sending love.

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  6. Smh, this is disappointing. Jack is a person with feelings, not a toy. Her whole family is in denial, if her mom was as concerned as you, she would behave differently. I hope for a good outcome for all.

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  7. Oh that Meme made me smile too, thank you, I needed that! I'm not doing Quarantine all that well, or having COVID, but if I think about it, probably nobody does. As for Dear Jack and your situation, your Caseworkers is probably Right and they do have their limits on how much obstruction to reunification they can run... Addicts are always in a State of Denial and so are any Family that enables them. You are of coarse Jack's best Placement, but I've been thru the American System and it doesn't always support the best Placement all that well, if at all. We were fortunate our Daughter and both Dad's of The Force were supportive of us Raising their Children since what was best for their Kids was their primary Goal and ours too, so Social Services said that was Rare and made it somewhat less of a complex case... until the Adoption Laws changed and forced a rather involuntary Adoption process to have to be painfully worked out over YEARS. We got it done but I Lost a lot to get it done, our Paid off Home, financial Security in our Retirement, but they were worth it, we would have Lost everything to ensure they didn't get Court placement with complete Strangers and potentially exploited {she was 10 he was 15, so placement options are never idyllic at that age}.

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  8. What can you and the big guy do but persevere. And love Jack. And be there to catch him. I so wish things were different but none of this is straightforward is it? Poor little guy.

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  9. I'm sorry. I guess I understand that the system wants to give Gracie every chance to make things right, but little Jack is the one who will suffer if she fails. I am in awe of your attitude and ability to see the bigger picture. My sincere hope is that Jack ends up with you full time. I'm holding you close to my heart right now. It all just sucks SO much.

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  10. What a tangled web. I admire your perseverance and patience. I hope this all sorts itself out to everyone's benefit. Meanwhile, it's great that you have Jack at least a substantial part of each week.

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  11. Oh what a mess! And while I don't know Gracie obviously, from what you say she doesn't seem to have a good track record, nor does her mom seem to want to do the work to take care of Jack either. I'm not surprised your husband was livid!

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  12. What the hell is "intensive potty training" anyway? My kids never had it and Phoebe won't suffer it either. It's all about love, encouragement and perhaps demonstration too? Look what Grandpa just did in the big white potty!

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    1. Lol that is genius! We didn't think of it when adored Poppa was cleaning up grandgirl-in-training most every day we visited, but a little modelling might've done the trick!

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