I made it through Christmas break, only to crash and burn on Monday. Jack went back to daycare on Monday and we still had the day off so I cleaned and then started sewing as I wanted to make some curtains for the spare bedroom downstairs. As I was sewing, I got a phone call from one of Gracie's friends telling me that she wanted to take Jack out for a few hours and when would be a good time. I told her no thank you, we were fine and then she started to get aggressive. I told her no a few times and then I got flustered and just hung up. Then she started texting me and telling me, "I should be an adult and use my words." The texts got increasingly aggressive and I blocked her number. She was pissed because she said she was Gracie's sister, she's not, she's a good friend and I get that, but she's also an ex con whose a child of her own who wants nothing to do with her. And covid.
That upset me and then I started getting messages from Mexcio, from Gracie's sister. She told me, "Get off your high horse lady cause you're only making sure Jacks not in your life...". There was a lot of other nasty stuff and then, "Whatever it's irrelevant long story short stop creating issues and problems unnecessarily. Gracie's about to have Jack back and if you don't smarten up you're gonna find karmas gonna return all the difficulty's that you're putting out".
Even writing this stuff out makes my hands shake, my heart pound and my eyes tear up. I have been entrusted by the province to take care of my grandson and Gracie's family is pissed off at me for doing what I'm supposed to do. They're also angry with me because I said it would have been better for Jack to have his extended family around this Christmas because he's already lost so much this past year.
I get why they're hurting but so is Jack. His mom and grandpa were gone this Christmas, actually everyone but me and my husband were gone this Christmas. When I bring that up, I'm the bad guy and I'm tired of it. They didn't want to care for Jack. The judge specifically asked them if they wanted to care of Jack and they said no but they're angry with how I'm caring for him.
I worked my ass off on Tuesday, we were down two nurses, but it was good because I didn't have much time to think about the nasty messages. At the end of the day I shared the messages with a couple of coworkers and they couldn't believe how horrible the messages were. That helped because I was wondering if I was just being overly sensitive, which is something I've often been accused of, but no the messages were threatening and offensive.
I also spoke with the social worker this morning who reassured me that Gracie will not be getting Jack back until after she has proved to children's services that she can remain sober and care for him. The social worker also said that she would apprehend Jack if Gracie didn't abide by their rules which would include continuing with supervised visits. I felt better after I talked to her as well but I've spent the day cooking and trying to not think about all of this. Cooking helps, somewhat, and of course it's always good to have supper ready ahead of time. I'll share the cinnamon knots with my neighbor and her kids. I may have eaten three of the cinnamon knots already, still warm from the oven, so not just stress baking but also stress eating.
Over the past few weeks I started thinking about how much time Jack has spent with us over the past year. I keep track of things on a calendar and I've kept track of how often Jack has been with us; in the past year, he has spent 194 days with us, or 53% of the year with us. He's spent more time with us than his own mom. I'll bring that up at court as well. I think I'll write everything down because I get flustered easily and lose track of my point when I'm just talking. I also don't want to piss people off, even though it appears that I still piss people off, but the next court hearing will be me advocating for Jack, not his mom and not his extended family, just Jack.
so sad that you're going through this. sending you strength. i know jack's grandma is grieving as they all are, but this behavior is so selfish, it is sad.
ReplyDeleteKeeping accurate information is crucial my Friend, and exposing anything that is ugly that you're having to Deal with in order to keep that Precious One safe and exposed to the best influences and free from harmful things. You are doing the Right thing by the Child, yet, it is always still hard, dealing with Systems and the stress of influences beyond our Control that connect the Child with others who aren't up to the job of Parenting or unsupervised Visitation. We've gone thru it as you well know, it can all turn out okay in the end and protecting the Children is the Goal, always. The other Grandparents do remind me of Kin who want all the Reward but without any of the Work or Sacrifice... armchair Critics being the worst... not willing to have skin in the Game, yet criticizing those who do. Jack is fortunate to have you and your Man in his corner, Virtual Hugs, stay Strong Woman!
ReplyDeleteoh yes, write everything down even the most minute details. It will come in handy for the court and for when that family tries to gaslight! Keep talking to child protective service, keep them well informed. A cinnamon knot sounds just the ticket about now!
ReplyDeleteI hope with all my heart that you will be able to keep that boy and give the home and family he deserves.
ReplyDeleteI can be hard to see the truth through our denial and anger. Shame on them for behaving like asshats. I am sorry you have to deal with that along with everything else.
ReplyDeleteI can't believe the unmitigated gall and lack of compassion/class of these people. Their selfishness makes me sad and angry. I hope that Jack stays in your stable home where he is loved and cared for.
ReplyDeletePlease make a record of these horrible messages. Quite simply, you do not deserve such treatment. If we lived in an ideal world, Gracie would be a good mother looking after her little son, loving him and giving him a sense of security and warmth. He would visit his doting grandmother and her "Big Guy" quite regularly - maybe sometimes staying over. I am sure that this is an arrangement that you would have much preferred but in reality Jack's maltreatment meant you had to step up to the plate. Be calm. Be strong. Lift your chin up.
ReplyDeleteDear God, so much stress and ugliness from Gracie's camp. Of course you weren't going to let Jack go off with some random friend of his mother's who behaved so badly to boot. Save all those threatening text messages. Jack is so much safer and happier with you.
ReplyDeleteYES! Document everything. Every text, every call, every conversation, every date. You may need to secure the services of a family lawyer, as well. It sounds like the social worker is totally on top of all of this but you just can't be too careful.
ReplyDeleteOh Lord. This is not how it should be.
Sending love.
So sorry Jack's other family is mistreating you. You are doing right by the boy. Hang in there and YES - keep records. I know of these problems and with an addict they are, unfortunately, ongoing. You are strong, you are loving and you love that little boy. x0x0x0 N2
ReplyDeleteThose threatening text messages demonstrate that Gracie is not the only danger in Jack's life in regard to his physical and emotional well-being. The day that you and the Big Guy are given the guardianship of Jack can't come soon enough. Each day in your care gives him what he needs as the supported, guided, nurtured, loved little boy he deserves to be.
ReplyDeleteDocument everything. I wish I could say that I find it hard to believe Jack's extended family could be so crass, but I'm not surprised. How terrible that YOU are the one getting this abuse from them instead of gratitude. The whole thing with the ex-con friend -- wtf? YOU are the best grandmother/mother. I will hope and wish that the hearing goes well, that Jack's interests will be acknowledged by the court and that you will find the strength and courage to keep on doing what you're doing. I'm sending you a big hug with so much love, too.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for documenting everything (and bringing it up with social services). I'm so sorry you have to deal with this family - they all sound very unstable - but it also seems like a classic case of DARVO - deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. Sending you huge hugs through the ether!
ReplyDeleteDocument, document, document. Make sure to safe those aggressive and threatening texts, and show them to the social worker.
ReplyDeletesave, not safe. :)
DeleteMake sure you save any texts, in fact take screen shots of them just to doubly make sure you have them as evidence you are being harrassed by her family and friends. I see no reason for you not to block all Gracies family and friends from your phone except perhaps her mum, but maybe you should speak to a lawyer about that. I am sending you virtual hugs, you are in such a horrible positon just now but anything cinnamon is always a good way to go! xx
ReplyDeleteIt's a good idea to document everything. At the end of the day, though -- let them be angry. Who cares? You're doing the right thing and that's what's important.
ReplyDeleteWhat everyone else said about documenting....
ReplyDeleteIt's astonishing to me how mean and petty these women are.
I am glad that everyone advised you to document. We dealt with a similar situation here. We found the best way to handle it was to simply not engage. Don't argue back. When it gets ugly document the phone calls, the time, the number of the caller, and the gist of their commentary. Keep a list right by phone. It got pretty ugly here for a while. The other grandma physically attacked me. It took all of my willpower not to slap back. She has a long history of false police reports and I knew that this would be another. It was a hard thing to live through, but in the end, we won. William is safe and that is what matters. Good luck. I will be think. Save everything. Document everything.
ReplyDeleteSome people! Honestly. When they don't get their way, they're worse than children.
ReplyDeleteYou did the right thing.
Kate