I'm struggling right now with my anger towards Gracie. Her actions had so many consequences that she seems to be oblivious to which makes me even angrier. I spent my week off in Victoria, trying to get her son back to Alberta. If I hadn't flown out there, he would still be in foster care there. Her son went through the trauma of being assaulted by her and then being taken into foster care. He had to live with people he didn't know for a week. Everybodies' Thanksgiving was ruined this year with stress and worry. Her father killed himself, in part, due to her actions. Her mother is now a widow, her siblings have lost their father and her son has lost his grandpa. I'm still off work because of stress which means my coworkers have to pick up the slack. Her mother is off work as well which means others have to do her job. It just goes on and on and she doesn't seem to give a flying fuck.
She has video chats with Jack now and we facilitate that. She tells Jack how much she loves him and how she'll see him soon. She tells him that they'll have so much fun. The chats seem to upset him, he gets loud and yells and I can't blame him. I want to yell at her too.
I felt better after I expressed my anger above. I got a call from the Alberta social worker this morning and as of Thursday, Jack will no longer be in the care of the BC government and his case will officially be Alberta's problem. My husband, Jack and I will meet with her on Friday afternoon and perhaps we'll get more answers about what's happening and what things will look like going forward.
I will see my counselor this evening via zoom and on Thursday, my doctor, as I'm still off and now will need a note from my doc. I'm feeling better today, especially once I got everything off my chest. I may have emailed a few friends as well. Thank you ladies.
I'm starting to organize my life around a toddler again and it will get easier. There is now a toilet training schedule up on the fridge and the big guy and I will have to divie up the household chores more equitably now that our household is three instead of two. I want to keep working for now. I need to do a better job of getting exercise and fresh air for me and Jack. I will have to find a new way to balance life. I did it before, I'll do it again.
Beautiful girl, you can do hard things.
ReplyDeleteThat’s on a big fleecy blanket for sale online somewhere.
It’s true, too.
You are amazing.
ReplyDeleteThat photo goes well with all you've written today. It's complicated and there is a balance point. You and the Big Guy and Jack on solid ground, no matter what Gracie can or cannot do for Jack. Good that you are gathering your supports and can express the anger that comes up. Sending love always.
ReplyDeleteJust hang in there ... you have your blog readers for support and you have family and friends who are, hopefully, close at hand to give you the best support! Lord knows it is not easy to take on a toddler, but Grandparents seem to be able to figure it out and I just hope Jack can stay with you for as long as necessary!
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It will be difficult but doable, especially because you're motivated to give Jack a stable and happy life. Writing out stresses and anger is cheap therapy, I always say. I vent quite frequently. That's part of what blogs are for! Hope that the rest of this smooths out and that you can establish a workable and pleasant routine.
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh. Of course you will do it. I hope that you can figure out a really strong support group -- even a couple of people -- to hold you through all of this. I'm sending my love from so far away, wishing I were there to come hang out with you.
ReplyDeleteSending strength your way.
ReplyDeleteI am glad Jack has you. And glad you have a safe space here to process all the difficult emotions around what is happening. Keep processing. None of this is easy. Sending love.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you're on top of it all and things are going as well as can be expected in the circumstances. You've "got" this, as the saying goes. -Kate
ReplyDeleteYes. There are going to be big changes. None of them any you have asked for and yet- because you are who you are, will make them. And the world will be better off for one small boy being raised well and lovingly instead of neglected, abused, and carelessly.
ReplyDeleteYou will get through this and I can tell from the beginning of the post to the end you felt better for getting it all out. Better out than in they say and what better place to get it all out. We hear you and are sending you virtual hugs and support. Keep on keeping on. Take care. xx
ReplyDeleteYou have every right to be angry at Gracie. As you point out so well, just look at the effect her behaviour has had on so many people - not least of all her own little boy! And while you hadn't planned on having to raise your grandson, I'm just so, so glad he has you and the big guy to give him stability in his life!
ReplyDeleteIf you walked in my house right now, I would give you a big bear hug - with The Big Guy's permission of course. I wouldn't like to get on the wrong side of that guy!
ReplyDeleteI admire you so much. It's a big big responsibility bringing up your Grandson, and I don't know how you are both coping so well with that. I wouldn't.
ReplyDeletePoor little guy. Of course those chats upset him. I know this must be overwhelming.
ReplyDeleteYou will find the Balance, Custodial Grandparenting is tough tho' since it's not the typical Season of Life to be Raising Children, but, he's best off with you and taking on the responsibility is the most Loving Selfless act you and your Beloved can do for this Precious Grandchild of yours. Jack having to spend time with his addled Mom is going to make things more complicated. Often if a Parent is not up to the Job, the kindest thing they can do is consider the Child and stay away when they can't manage themselves and the interaction well. Our Seriously Mentally Ill Daughter never wanted any of her Children to see her during Episodes of Mental decline or when she was Using and so they never have. I always told her that it was best they could interact with her when she felt Well and was Sober/Clean, which made contact sporadic, but the Two I Raised understood about Why it had to be so. The Three Younger Ones being Raised in Mexico by Gramma Saint Maria don't know a lot about why their Parents are absent... tho' they're smart Kiddos so they probably know in part... Kids are more perceptive than we give most of them credit for. They also Love unconditionally, Bless them. Big Hugs to Jack, I'm so sorry he had to endure what he's been thru, including the Foster Care Placement.
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