Very busy day at work today. I told awful jokes to a patient while we put his port in to take his mind off what we were doing. A lot of patients with very difficult IV starts which means lots of hot blankets and I used the vein finder quite a bit. One poor guy ended up with an IV in his thumb thanks to me. He was okay with that; it was his fourth poke.
The last patient of the day was a man who is dying of pancreatic cancer. His wife and he were waiting for his scan and we talked while I accessed his port. She told me that she watches him at night sometimes to make sure he's still breathing. He holds his breath and then yells "Boo!" to scare the shit out of his wife. Fucker! His wife told me that story, both of them laughing.
I told this couple about another couple that have been coming in for the past few years. They are an older couple, Muslim. They wife looks like a proper Muslim lady; she wears a hijab. The patient has been blind for most of his life and his wife takes care of him, brings him to every appointment. I asked him one day if his wife ever moves the furniture when she's mad at him. He assured me she does not do that. When I took him back to his wife, I asked her if she ever moved the furniture around when she was mad at him. She said, "Oh yes", so matter of factly. I love her.
We had a patient collapse after her CT scan today. She became unresponsive and her blood pressure bottomed out. My coworker also works in ER and she called a code. The lady ended up okay. They got her blood pressure back up after a bit and when I left she was smiling and apologizing to her daughter. A good end to a story but codes always leave me feeling shaken.
Jack and Gracie come back tomorrow and I'm looking forward to seeing Jack again. We've missed him so much. I miss his cars lined up on the table and his laugh.
I'm trying to stay present. I'm reading Eckart Tolle, The Power of Now. I like some of what he has to stay and I'm trying to stay in the present but it's not easy. I'm trying to get my mind to shut up, with some success, even if it's only for a few minutes.
I'm also reading a lovely book called "The One Hundred Years Of Lenni And Margot". It's just such a nice story, maybe not nice, maybe bittersweet would be a better description, but I like it.
Life continues on.
I like some of Tolle's quotes. My, you had a wild day; I hope they're not all like that! When my husband was dying of lung cancer, we shared a lot of black humor. Sometimes it's what got us through the day. Enjoy having your little guy back.
ReplyDeleteI smiled at your story about the man scaring his wife. Talk about making lemonade from lemons, as they say! I'm sure it will be good (and a relief) to have Jack back.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about the challenge of getting your mind to shut up. My mind is constantly commenting on what I do, what I did and what I plan to do in the future. It just won't shut the hell up.
ReplyDeleteThose two couples you talked about sound like happily marrieds with a long marriage. How wonderful for them to have each other. And you'll have to let me know what you think of The Power of Now. I was given it by a male friend but found it very hard going. I got to thinking it was maybe more a man's book but would be curious to have your opinion of it!
ReplyDeleteHave you stopped blogging?
DeleteIt must be at least one lovely thing about your job to see how some couples interact with such love and care. Although at the same time, so bittersweet.
ReplyDeleteI know Jack will be happy to see you and his Big Guy again! These little ones do leave a huge space when they are gone, don't they?
"When I took him back to his wife, I asked her if she ever moved the furniture around when she was mad at him. She said, "Oh yes", so matter of factly. I love her."
ReplyDeleteThat's hilarious! But now I have to tell you this (why does it seem I make everything about ME?): I did a "blind" workshop one weekend. Participants kept our eyes covered the whole time, and each had a sighted partner who made sure we didn't hurt ourselves in the house or outside. When the time came to remove the blindfolds, two things: 1) I saw the instructor's aura and 2) I saw that the living room furniture had been rearranged, yet I'd safely navigated it the whole time without noticing anything changed. In my mind's eye, there had been this layout of furniture as it had been when I first put on the blindfold and so that's what I went by ... and yet, since items had been moved, I should have been bumping into things. Can't explain that to this day, except that the body must have another sense that knows what's where. So to me it rings true that although his wife moved the furniture, he never noticed. -Kate
I like Ekhart in doses but honestly that book got a little too woowoo for me. I am just not there yet. I take what I can and leave the rest.
ReplyDeleteJack seems to be the bright spot in all the sorrow and pain around you.
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