Thursday, February 18, 2021

Poems by Mary Oliver, a much wiser woman than myself.  

Last week I told a youngish man that he had cancer, that his colonoscopy had shown cancer and that they had sent him upstairs to us for a CT to see if and how much it had spread.  But the doctor didn't tell him that.  I told him what was on the requisition, because he asked and if it was me, I would want to know and it broke my heart.  But we were busy and I had so many more patients to deal with so I left him with a warm blanket and a broken heart and the memory of being told he had cancer in a busy waiting room without his wife to hold his hand.  To live in this world is to have your heart broken over and over again.

On Tuesday I joked with a patient before we put a central line in him for his treatment.  The radiologist literally glared at me and I felt afraid like when I was a small child.  This doc is a bully who has been left unchecked for years.  After the procedure I asked the patient if I had offended him by my joke and he told me no, that he had appreciated the humor.  

I continue to find humans confusing and difficult to deal with.  I asked a young friend of mine at work the other day why do I only have toxic people in my life.  And then I said, "But you're in my life and you're not toxic."  There are really only three toxic people in my life, my son, Gracie and one doctor but they take up a lot of room in my brain.  So again, a reminder of all the good people in my life.

I asked my young friend if she would take care of me when I was an old woman and she said, "You already are an old woman!"  and laughed.  But she did agree to care for me when I'm eighty.  She is one of my adopted daughters and it is her daughter that I'm making a quilt for right now.

We're picking our grandson up from daycare today and keeping him until Sunday.  Gracie seems to have gotten over her paranoia.  We haven't seem him since last Saturday which was actually a nice break, even though we miss him.

I picked up an old chest of drawers for his room and I'm in the process of painting it with chalk paint.  I'm painting it a lovely gray.  His crib will be put away for good this weekend as he doesn't stay in it at all.  He is a ninja now.  He's figured out how to push chairs around so that he can climb up on them and reach a whole new level of previously off limits things such as light switches and remote controls.

The weather is warming here finally after two weeks and I'll be able to take the dogs for a walk today which I'm looking forward too.  The sun is shining and there are birds at the feeders outside the window.

I'm thankful for





dog love

grandson love

my patients who remind daily what's really important in life

my hubby who loves me as I am

a day off today

and quilting, the fabric at the bottom of the photo will be the backing of this quilting, moons and stars

What are you thankful for today?

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