My life is so exciting, especially in January.  At night, I'm darning my socks while we watch tv.

The dogs don't understand why I won't take them for a walk as soon as Jack has gone to school.  The sun doesn't rise until 8:42 this morning and I came across this coyote scat the other day.  I'm not walking in the woods, in the dark, with coyotes nearby.  They don't scare me but I do respect their space.

It's been nice enough the last couple of weeks to take Jack to the dog park with me and Heidi.  It's good exercise for him and lots of fresh air.  I picked him up from school on Wednesday for early dismissal which means there is enough time and light to go for a walk.  He couldn't stay out of the snow, wasn't wearing a coat, and ended up wet and cold, (no coat because it was 13C). He had a warm bath while I made supper.  Question, are all boys drawn to deep snow?  Or is it all kids? 

  

Yesterday I had a bad day, crying, angry, and then just sad.  The world fuckery got to me all at once.  Today is good again thankfully and tomorrow the pottery ladies are coming for book club.  We read "The Spoon Stealer" by Lesley Crewe and I quite enjoyed it.  I'm so looking forward to spending the evening with them.

The weather here has been strangely warm and the snow is melting fast, turning into ice and making everything slippery as hell.  I felt better yesterday and got both dogs walked.  I no longer feel like there is a piano tied to my ass, which is nice.  My husband stayed home yesterday, still not feeling good.  He's back to work today but I imagine he will be beat by the time he gets home.  Jack has early dismissal so I'm going to pick him up and we'll take Heidi with us to the dog park.

I finally had all of the required forms signed and notarized for me to head downtown and drop everything off at the Office of Public Guardian and Trustee.  It took me longer to find a parking spot than the amount of time I is was in the office.  I'm sure we've done something wrong because government forms seem to be designed to make your question your intellect, your decision making ability, and your will to live.  Now that I think about it, my ex-husband did the same:)

I haven't been down by the Law Courts for years and things have changed.  Construction everywhere and even a whole new Royal Alberta Museum that I've never been to.  I just checked online and the museum has been open for the last eight years.  Sigh.  I don't get out much.

Yesterday I also had to do hard math, trying to figure out how much fabric I needed to finish up the quilt.  I finally got a number that seemed to work and set off into Edmonton to buy the fabric. I got half way there and realized I didn't have the fabric with me to match the colour.  Drove back home, picked up the fabric swatch and then thought I would try in Sherwood Park.  They had the fabric, in the right colour, but not four metres of it.  I went back to Edmonton.  Fabricland didn't have the right colour, so I drove to Marshall's and they had the right colour and I was able to get four metres of it.  So I'll either have too much fabric, not enough fabric, or just the right amount of fabric.  It's really anyone's guess:)

We were watching "Suits" again last night and somebody said something which seemed profound and I thought, wouldn't it be nice to have a team of writers providing you with material when you're in the middle of conflict and can't think straight. Or when you want to tell someone how you feel about them. No wonder we like entertainment, it's life 2.0.  People have the answers, the conflict is manufactured, they don't clean their homes, never pee or poop, don't get sick (usually), and don't have to decide what to make for supper every fucking night.  That's my rant for today.  

I'm happy and healthy.  The sun is shining and we're having pizza for supper tonight.  Job done.

 This seems accurate and made me laugh too.

I was supposed to be driving to Saskatoon today.  My husband and Jack are both sick and I'm not feeling all that great, so no driving today and my visit with Stubblejumpers will have to be postponed.  Jack told me on Friday that his teacher was sick last week, so not really a surprise that he's got a fever.  I'm tired and have a horrible headache so I leave you with these.

 The county plowed the streets yesterday, now we wait for the windrow removal, which will happen in time.  A very nice plow operator cleared my sidewalk as well which had ice up to three inches thick.  I was outside, chipping away at the ice and thanked him.  I don't think we give plow operators enough credit, they are highly skilled at their job.

I'm still working on a quilt and forced myself to work on it for a couple of hours this morning.  It's tedious, fussy work and I don't enjoy it, but it needs to be done.  I want it done and off to the quilters so I can enjoy my pottery course without feeling badly that the quilt pieces continue to sit on my dining room table.  I like quilting but eventually I'm tired of it.  Smaller quilts would probably be a good idea.  This particular quilt was started for Jack but he's not overly fond of the fabric, so I think I'll give it to my other grandson.

My husband and I have been watching "Suits" in the evenings after Jack goes to bed.  It's an older series, from 2011, with Meghan Markle in it.  The premise of the show is a young man, a genius with a photographic memory, is hired as a lawyer without attending law school or passing the bar.  It's entertaining and the whole show is about secrets, lies, forgiveness, and loyalty.  What amazes me how much the lawyers on the show fight, but are willing to forgive each other, and even trust again.

One of my favorite characters is Louis Litt.  Today he would be identified as neurodivergent, but not fifteen years ago.  He's a sweet asshole, if that makes any sense, and he only wants to be liked.  He has a very difficult time understanding how his actions make others feel.

As I type this I'm reminded of my dad.  I don't think my poor dad was able to see himself and his own actions very clearly.  Or maybe he did see himself clearly but just didn't know how to do things any differently.  Change is hard and requires a willingness to bare your belly and make yourself vulnerable, not things most people want to do, in my opinion.  It requires work to truly see yourself, even the unsavory bits that we would prefer not to have.  Acceptance of these parts is even harder.  The unsavory bits are like a callous, there's a reason that they're there, to protect something, so removing the callous requires work, and trust that you'll be strong enough, even when you're vulnerable and exposed.

Life is hard, but it's also beautiful at times.

We had a lot of snow last month and I just heard the snowplow go by the house.  Driving up our road has been interesting, even the heavy school buses are struggling.  The delivery drivers are especially interesting to watch as they slide around.

The weather has warmed up enough to take the dogs for walks and we are all enjoying that, Charlie maybe too much:)  Heidi and I did make it to the dog park which was heaven.

Ms. Moon wondered how we dressed for the cold and the snow, good boots, a long down coat, toque, and mitts.  If it's any colder than that amount of winter gear to keep me warm, the dogs feet get too cold anyway and we stay home.  In the winter when it's really cold, I make sure I have a toque and mittens for everyone in the car, should we get stuck on the highway or freeway.  You also get used to the cold over the course of the winter.  There's always a blanket in the back of my car as well.  When it's colder than -20C I stand at the door while the dogs are outside, to remind them to hurry up and pee or poop and get back inside, otherwise their feet get too cold.

I couldn't fall asleep last night until after midnight.  Jack was awake at 11pm, wanting a drink of milk, and then again at 2am, to go to the bathroom and he wanted to go downstairs.  No.  Then he wanted some more milk.  No.  I got a few hours of sleep but today will be an ass dragging kind of day.  I'm thankful I'm retired because I sure couldn't put in an eight hour work day today.

I'm going to Saskatoon next week for one night, to visit a friend and fellow blogger, Stubblejumper.  I've booked the hotel so now I wait for Jack to come down with the flu.  Isn't that how it goes?  My husband's aunt and uncle have been sick with the flu since Christmas Eve.  They're both diabetic.  His aunt has had a stroke and his uncle has had bowel cancer, and they didn't bother to get the flu vaccine.  Why????

I saw the news yesterday about the ICE shooting in Minneapolis.  It's unbelievable and yet here we are.  The irony is that the young woman, shot in the head by ICE, her last name was Good, which kind of says all you need to know about the trump universe.  Apparently it's also okay to just go into a foreign country, when they have what you want, kidnap their president, and just take their oil. I have no more fucks to give.  

  

We all need some sweet and funny today.

I haven't taken any photos the last couple of days so here is a small town in Newfoundland, I couldn't even tell you the name of the town but it was lovely.

Nothing much seems to change.  trump fuckery continues.  I wonder when someone will have had enough and send in their special forces and kidnap him.  I guess we live in interesting times.  My grandmother lived through two world wars and I have no desire to match that.  She also survived a divorce in the 1940's and three pregnant unmarried daughters.  I wonder which was the most distressing for her.  I'll never know.

It's cold here, still, so a day of housework and laundry, maybe some quilting, and definitely some groceries.  Jack woke up this morning eager to go to school and I am at loose ends.  

My son continues to do well, doing what he says he's going to do and showing up when he says he will show up.  I'm thankful he's sober and I'm hopeful he stays sober, for him and for his sons who need him.

Katie is back to normal.  Part of her issue has to do with her house I think.  Before Christmas workmen arrived to tear up the rugs in the house and started installing flooring.  Then they stopped over Christmas and all of her stuff was now in the living room.  After Christmas they arrived again, strange men in her house, and they continue to install the new flooring.  Katie is not a fan of different, or strangers in her house.  Who can blame her?  None of us really like disruption in our lives, but we cope.  Katie acts out.  

I'm reading "Entangled Life" by Merlin Sheldrake, a book read by Mr. Pudding after he found a copy of the book while out hiking.  The book is a fascinating read about fungi and how they interact with the world and with us.  During the writing of the book the author tried psilocybin from magic mushrooms and he writes about the experience and how it is being used to treat depression.  The following excerpt is from Wikipedia.

"Research using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) has shown that psilocybin acutely reduces activity in the DMN, temporarily disrupting its connectivity patterns. This disruption is associated with a breakdown of rigid, maladaptive patterns of thought often observed in mood disorders. Subsequent restoration of DMN connectivity has been correlated with improved clinical outcomes, suggesting a potential neural mechanism underlying the therapeutic effects of psilocybin."

I know I have patterns of thought when bad things happen, I start thinking of all of the bad things that have happened, not only in the past, but also in the present.  I round them up and surround myself with them, which does me no good, but it's what my brain does.  I know it's even worse when I'm feeling overwhelmed.  I can manage one bad thing at a time (sort of), but find it difficult to cope when I'm tired, feeling unwell, feeling isolated, or feeling like a bad person.  I wonder if psilocybin therapy would break that pattern and I wonder if I am brave enough to try something like that.  Something to ponder.

 

It's been a busy few days and I will be thankful when school restarts on Monday and life returns to normal, complete with schedules.  On Wednesday,  (New Year's Eve), Jack played soccer at Millennium place with a bunch of other kids.  On New Year's day we went bowling and I pulled a muscle in my back and my poor husband was just in pain all over.  Today we went to Clip and Climb which was lots of fun.  I did some climbing too, which I haven't done in years so I will be sore as hell tomorrow.  I'm thinking Jack will be sore too.

Things I learned this past week.  Bowling is more strenuous than you think.  I knew climbing was strenuous but the part that made my back hurt, again, was clipping and unclipping Jack's belay rope.  Mind you, I can wake up with a sore neck these days, just from how I sleep on my pillow.  Don't even get me started on how painful it is for me to try and sit down on the toilet.  Getting up is fine, but sitting down hurts.  I could go on, but I don't feel like showing off too much.  I'm getting older:)

I am hoping for far less life lessons this year.  And I don't need anymore of the what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.  I need, we all need, more kindness this year.