I think this is perennial sow thistle, I think, I could just as easily be wrong. I'm ok with being wrong now. There was a time when I couldn't handle being wrong, I couldn't handle the opinions of others, and I couldn't handle criticism. I can now, mostly. Being wrong is ok. Not knowing is ok. I don't have to right all the time. I can shut my mouth and leave facts out of the conversation, sometimes.
The thing is, Jack always has to be right and it brings out my need to be right. We've told him he doesn't know everything. Told him he doesn't have to be right, that it's ok. Nobody knows everything. None of that helps and none of it diminishes his need to be right.
Yesterday I saw a thing on Instagram about the Dunning-Kruger effect. Basically the Dunning-Kruger effect means that people with a low skill set in one area, are unable to accurately evaluate their competence in that area, because they don't know what they don't know. Their incompetence prevents them from understanding that they are incompetent. I worked with a nurse like this for fourteen long years.
On the other side, highly skilled people will question their competence because they have a better understanding of what they don't know.
Which brought me back to children. I wondered if children experience this, so I googled it and sure enough, children also experience this, although in children it's not usually called the Dunning-Kruger effect. Children lack experience and knowledge and have no idea of how little they know. What children do know, is that they keep learning and know a lot more than they did previously, so it's easy to understand why children would think that they know everything. It's normal in other words.
I always worry about Jack. He's been through so much trauma in his short life, starting with his birth when he had to be resucitated, and I wonder how much of that has impacted him. He lives with his old grandparents who are tired, but also have a lifetime of experience in both knowledge, skills, and child rearing. Does that affect him? Doubtful.
When we had an appointment with the psychiatrist who runs the ADHD clinic course on resilience and skill building, the doc was surprised at how well Jack was doing, in spite of his early trauma. Good news. It also helps just watching Jack's peers. Yes, Jack has some issues, but so do a lot of his peers. It's not good or bad, it just is. Life is hard and we still have to get through it, hopefully with lots of hugs and laughter.
I wrote a blog post years ago about the Dunning-Kruger effect. We see it in action all around us. Jack is in a good place with you. He carries some baggage but the good in his life is very much helping him deal with the rest. I gave up canning long ago. That's why we have freezers, right?
ReplyDeleteMy mum used to freeze most stuff, except her pickled stuff.
Deletetrump and his sycophants definitely seem to prove the Dunning-Kruger effect true.
Clearly all MAGA right wingers suffer from Dunning-Kruger effect. Well, any extremist, I suppose, political or religious or whatever. They never grasp the concept that they might be wrong or might need some more info/skills when dealing with an issue.
ReplyDeleteI agree. Sadly these people exist everywhere. As I mentioned, I worked with a nurse who believed she was an excellent nurse, despite all evidence to the contrary. We kept a close eye on her.
Delete👍😊
ReplyDeleteThanks.
DeleteCheerful Monk
ReplyDeleteThanks.
DeleteYour peaches are lovely. Did you pressure can them? Once you get a routine going with canning, it's not so time-consuming or hard.
ReplyDeleteGood news about Jack! You are doing such a good job of loving and nurturing and tending to him. You really are and don't deny it.
I am relieved in that I don't think I know much about anything except that I know enough to know that. Know what I mean?
I used a water bath and a coolish day. Still not a fan though.
DeleteGood news! He's normal:) Well normal for our family:)
Haha! Yes. I suppose that is good.
DeleteYou're doing so well with Jack. Not easy, not in your plan for this time in your life.
ReplyDeleteGood idea to try canning. Now you can choose canning or freezing from now on. I know which I choose!
It is good to try and then I can make an educated decision.
DeleteI'm also trying to just let things go with Jack and his over the top declarations, and smile more.
The peaches look great in the jars. I am thinking of cream with them.
ReplyDeleteI feel like pointedly repeating the final quote to a couple of people.
I would like a t-shirt with that quote on it:)
DeleteI love that last quote. I worry about so much, especially with my youngest grandson and his upcoming brother. Your caring for Jack and how you've grown into that role has been an inspiration for me.
ReplyDeleteAnders and his brother will thrive, despite their parents. They've got you in their corner.
DeleteI watched a documentary about a gifted neurosurgeon last night (Henry Marsh) and he said that he only remembers the cases where he failed to save a person's life, where he was wrong in his assessment. He was full of regrets.
ReplyDeleteI am certain that children carry traumatic events within them all their lives but that you need to identify and name them eventually when the time is right. Jack's personality is/will be shaped by his deepest experiences and also his understanding and knowledge of these timesband how and with what help he survived. It can and will make him a strong and empathetic person.
That would be so difficult, to do your best and still fail, and in that failure, cause a death. That's a heavy burden to carry with you. I've heard Henry Marsh on the radio, he sounded like such a compassionate man.
DeleteJack is empathetic already, but that's hard for little kids too. He will grow into it. We will have to deal with his grandpa's death by suicide in the future, but that's for future, when he's better able to deal with it. Right now, all he knows is that grandpa died.
The last quote strikes a memory. The world ceases to exist when you are dead. The question is, does it? ;)
ReplyDeleteWho knows? But the world definitely goes on without you in it when you die.
DeleteI'm with you when it comes to canning. I don't like doing it; neither the heat of it, nor the hot splashes, nor the possibility of botulism if something isn't done right. And I don't assume I do it right. I did can pickles one fall and they weren't good anyway. Now I just freeze when I do any of the preserving, and I don't even really do that anymore. "Should," because Farmbeau is a great gardener, but I can't seem to rouse myself to take any interest in dealing with all that produce. I've been leaving it up to him, since he's determined to have this garden that is far larger than needed, and I have stated unequivocally that I don't want to do that work and will not be guilted into it. He takes great pleasure and satisfaction in it, and good for him.
ReplyDeleteI think I come across as a confident person, perhaps because, like most, when I think I know something, I think I know it's true. But I do question what I think I know, and I know there's a lot I don't know, and am always questioning my assumptions about everything. I'm far less certain than I appear.
You are the ones giving Jack his very best chance in this world. There's no doubt about that. Where would he be without you?
You say no, which I so admire. I'm getting better at it, but it still tends to come out as a passive aggressive no. Baby steps.
ReplyDeleteI wonder what his life would be like sometimes without us, certainly much more chaotic.
Interesting about the Dunning-Kruger effect. I've met a lot of people like that -- including myself, probably. In later life I've come to wonder about some of the articles I wrote as a journalist, so confidently relating information after perhaps one or two or three days of reporting. I bed there was so much that I didn't even know I didn't know.
ReplyDeleteI think all of us think we know everything when we're young. You're not alone.
DeleteMy mother used to always remind me that no matter how smart I thought I was, I could learn something from every single person I met. It is humbling, but true. And now I find myself learning the most from my 2 and 3 year old grandchildren. I think they know what's really important. I only hope I am smart enough to learn.
ReplyDeleteYour mother was obviously a wise woman:)
DeleteI truly love when people discover (like I did) the Dunning-Kruger effect and whoa, it explains so much.
ReplyDeleteIt does explain so much, doesn't it?
DeleteI LOVE the final quote on your post. It is absolutely perfect. And it is so true!
ReplyDeleteIt is true. It's just too bad that the people that most need to hear/see it, don't think it's about them:)
DeleteCanning peaches? "Do Peaches Grow in Alberta?" sounds like the title of a romantic novel. Nice to catch up on where you are at as the end of August draws closer.
ReplyDeleteIt would be a good title for a book, but we picked the peaches in Penticton:) The farmer was an Argentinian man who was a civil engineer, who grew tired of his work in Toronto, quit his job and bought an organic orchard.
DeleteThe quote is perfect for the times we are living in. However, as you pointed out, the people it is aimed at don't realize that they are.
ReplyDeleteI think it's the irony of that quote that I like so much:)
DeleteSounds like the kiddo has great teachers that he lives with and that he for sure will gain knowledge from. As for being wrong and getting things wrong, I'm okay with that. I believe in saying, I don't know the answer to that, lemme go find the answer. The fun of adventure learning!
ReplyDelete