As I lay in bed last night thinking about drugs and alcohol (as one does), I thought about my own life as well.  I was listening to a podcast the other day about the use of Miltown, one of the first drugs manufactured to treat anxiety.  The podcaster pointed out that there has always been anxiety in the world but people's options were limited in how to deal with that anxiety.  Alcohol has been around a long time, 9000ish years, and opium, 7000ish years, both have been used medicinally and recreationally.  Addictions to both opium and alcohol have been around a long time too, probably about 9000ish and 7000ish years.  So I was thinking about all of this as I tried to fall asleep and then I thought about trying to teach Jack resilience and wondered how on earth can I teach him resilence when I don't feel that I have resillence.

And then I thought, "but all the shit you've lived though, and you're not a drug addict or alcoholic", if that isn't resilence, then what is?  So maybe I can teach Jack how to be resilent.  How I do it isn't pretty, but I've survived a lot in my lifetime, and have lived 62 years as someone with ADHD and no medications, and no self medications.  Not too shabby.

In other news, my son has already started playing his control games.  I've probably pissed off Jack's other grandma when I told her that I wasn't going to let my son hurt Jack, the way her daughter has hurt Jack.  My shoulders are already sore from tension.  So much for my fucking reslience!  

I'm going to visit my friend this afternoon.  She'll listen to my complaints, she won't judge, and at the end of it, she'll hug me.