As I lay in bed last night thinking about drugs and alcohol (as one does), I thought about my own life as well. I was listening to a podcast the other day about the use of Miltown, one of the first drugs manufactured to treat anxiety. The podcaster pointed out that there has always been anxiety in the world but people's options were limited in how to deal with that anxiety. Alcohol has been around a long time, 9000ish years, and opium, 7000ish years, both have been used medicinally and recreationally. Addictions to both opium and alcohol have been around a long time too, probably about 9000ish and 7000ish years. So I was thinking about all of this as I tried to fall asleep and then I thought about trying to teach Jack resilience and wondered how on earth can I teach him resilence when I don't feel that I have resillence.
And then I thought, "but all the shit you've lived though, and you're not a drug addict or alcoholic", if that isn't resilence, then what is? So maybe I can teach Jack how to be resilent. How I do it isn't pretty, but I've survived a lot in my lifetime, and have lived 62 years as someone with ADHD and no medications, and no self medications. Not too shabby.
In other news, my son has already started playing his control games. I've probably pissed off Jack's other grandma when I told her that I wasn't going to let my son hurt Jack, the way her daughter has hurt Jack. My shoulders are already sore from tension. So much for my fucking reslience!
I'm going to visit my friend this afternoon. She'll listen to my complaints, she won't judge, and at the end of it, she'll hug me.
Friends like that are priceless aren't they. Mine who are like that with me aren't easy to visit because of the miles between us, but my sister is, thank goodness, although I've lately been given to understand that she hasn't always said what she's really thinking in response to some of the things I've said over the years. We're going to talk about that one of these months when she has fully recovered from February and I'm willing to risk making her feel uncomfortable, if it does.
ReplyDeleteYou are an f'ing saint -- the hard times and perceived failures and struggles notwithstanding --and I only feel fortunate to count you among my friends, even if we haven't met yet. We will!
I'm glad you have a sister like that. My sisters are both so judgemental, makes me not want to share anything.
DeleteThank you Kate. I believe we'll meet too.
You are VERY resilient, Pixie! I hope Jack absorbs the valuable insights and understandings you will share with him.
ReplyDeleteThanks Debra, I hope he does too.
DeleteHow wonderful to have a friend like that! Handling parenting Jack, dealing with your son's issues, Gracie's problems along with her non-supportive family, spending time with Katie, worrying about your daughter with MS AND still managing not to drown yourself in alcohol/drugs--that is the definition of resilience. Give yourself credit, my friend. As a teacher, I would give you an A+!
ReplyDeleteMargaret ... you laid it all out perfectly! Thank you!
DeleteI agree! ❤️
DeleteThanks. Getting through life, all the nasty surprises, all the hurt, all the shit that happens, and still feeling thankful. I wish that for him. My friend has that in spades.
DeleteOh a friend like that is priceless.
ReplyDeleteShe's a good friend. She listened and hugged me and even sent me home with some plants.
DeleteYou sound strong to me. Sorry things are a bit rough right now. But yeah, you sound strong to me.
ReplyDeleteThings are always rough it seems. But still I rise:) I love that song by Andra Day "Rise Up".
DeleteI love that song too!
DeleteAnyone who has taken on a grandchild to raise in middle age and is doing as good a job as you are is, without a doubt, resilient.
ReplyDeleteSo, the leopard which is your son has not changed his spots?
As to Jack's other grandma- what you said was true and if she's upset about it, that's on her.
You are so kind to call me middle aged, even as I collect my pension:)
DeleteMy son does not appear to have changed at all, but time will tell. He has old habits.
I wonder if there is a difference between coping and resilience. Resilience sounds stronger, that is more than just coping. Coping seems more like just being able to deal with things without building an inner strength.
ReplyDeleteI think I shall have to do some reading and learning about resilience, for me and Jack.
DeleteI think you very much have resilience. And integrity. And deep compassion for the earth, for your beloveds, for your little community here online. Love to you, old friend.
ReplyDeleteI think I have some resilience and I'm willing to work on building more. We've known each other for so long and never met. The world is a strange and wonderful place sometimes.
DeleteI think you have done amazingly well with everything that has been thrown at you - but wouldn't it be nice for that shit to let up once in a while. And good for you for telling Jack's other grandma exactly how it is. If she doesn't like it, tough! As you know my marriage was hell and I admit I started drinking to cope (numb the feelings more like). You know, just a glass of wine while making dinner and then it progressed over the evening as I waited for his car to pull in the drive. I was drinking way too much over many years so I understand people who turn to anything just to numb their feelings. It was really hard getting off the booze but divorce certainly helped and now, while I still drink, I don't keep it in the house at all. To cope with everything you've coped with without a crutch like I had - well I think you're amazing!
ReplyDeleteI'm starting to understand better why people drink, I'm still trying to learn compassion for them, at least those related to me. I've never had a problem with patients who are alcoholics, they don't affect my life, it's the ones related to me that hurt me so much.
DeleteWhen you said you don't have resilience I was going to say what you did shortly after. Of course you are resilient. That sometimes the most resilient of us collapses is understandable. You've had more than your share stress and calamity.
ReplyDeleteAs Andrew said, I cope, now I want to learn how to be more positive and to thrive:)
DeleteThe only thing I know about Miltown is that characters were always popping it in Jacqueline Susann novels. (Of which I have read many, because I like my '60s trash fiction.)
ReplyDeleteI think anyone benefits from learning to be resilient and adaptable. How that is taught, though, I have no idea. It is a worthy goal for Jack to learn those skills.
Miltown, like oxy and xanax and valium and fentanyl and........ have caused so many problems and so much pain and hurt.
DeleteI have a new thing to research and learn, resilience 101. And why aren't we teaching it in school?
Your resilience is impressive and built. It seems to me that the ebb & flow of emotions we all have make us question its permanence. May I suggest pointing out and praising every time you see his resilience? And telling stories about resilience.
ReplyDelete