The zinnias I started from seed in March are all blooming, next year I'll plant more. They are such an easy plant to grow and I'm a huge fan of easy to grow. Work continues on the shed and it looks beautiful. I'll take a pic when it's all done.
I took the dogs for walks this morning before it got too hot. The pond is full and the ducks are happy, so are the pelicans, but I didn't get a good shot of them.
My best friend has cancer. She has a type of cancer called multiple myeloma. It's a rare type of cancer and only accounts for 1%-2% of all cancers. She doesn't like to call it cancer because she'd rather not have cancer. Fair enough. I think most cancer patients have some kind of denial to help them cope with the day to day crap of living with cancer.
My friend had a stem cell transplant, seven years ago I think. It worked well but she has to stay on chemo until the chemo no longer works, and I imagine at that time the the multiple myeloma will come back with a vengance. It's not a nice type of cancer, none of them are really. There is no cure, only treatment.
Here's the thing though, you don't die of multiple myeloma per se. You die of pneumonia, or kidney failure, or sepsis. Multiple myeloma grows in our bone marrow, plasma cells are transformed into cancerous cells and their growth crowds out the normal cells that help us fight infection, so our bodies are overwhelmed with an infection, unable to fight back.
The kidney failure comes into play because of a protein produced by multiple myeloma called M protein, and too much calcium in the blood; combined, these two things overwhelm the kidneys and cause damage. There's too much calcium in the blood because multiple myeloma causes bone lesions and a breakdown of bones.
I did mention it was not a nice type of cancer.
Anyway, I called her two days ago and she had just gotten out of the hospital. She had pneumonia, ended up severely dehydrated, delirious, and very sick. She was fainting and hallucinating. This is the second time she has had pneumonia in the past 18 months.
What I haven't told you, is that she is supposed to call me when she is sick, so that I can check on her, take care of her, etc. She didn't do that. Her daughter calls everyday to check on her, and her daughter was concerned because her mom wasn't making any sense. The daughter then called her auntie to check on my friend and that auntie (my friend's sister) took seven hours to get to my friend's house. She only lives thirty mintues from her sister.
An ambulance was called, my friend was shipped off to the hospital where they fixed her up with antibiotics and lots of fluids. She could have died, at home, alone. Another day and she could have gone into kidney failure or developed sepsis.
I read the riot act to my friend. I told her how people with multiple myeloma die (she knew). I explained that I will always help (she knew). She hates asking for help but I think this scared her enough that she will ask for help. My friend has spent her whole life taking care of other people and doesn't know how to accept care, yet.
Her daughter now has my phone number and I have told her to call me whenever she has concerns about her mother. I have the daughter's phone number, and next time I am at my friend's house, she's giving me a key so that I can get in without breaking a window.
In two weeks my friend and I are heading out on a road trip to Vancouver, to visit our respective daughters, a trip we've been talking about for years. Why do we put things off? Life, I know, it's busy. But things can get too late. I don't want this trip to be too late.
A good reminder not to put things off...and that it's okay to ask for help.
ReplyDeleteI'm a great one for putting things off, eventually there comes a point when it's too late.
DeleteWith your nurse's head on you can understand far better than your friend's family members just how she is getting on. Fingers crossed - you get to make the planned road trip to Vancouver - but not like Thelma and Louise!
ReplyDeleteWe will definitely not be driving off a cliff:)
DeleteI'm so glad you are there for her, and that her daughter knows it. I hope you can make the trip and that it goes well.
ReplyDeleteI hope the next couple of weeks are fine for both of us and we can go on the trip.
DeleteYou make that roadtrip happen ... it will be good for both you and you dear friend! Friends like you are few and far between! ❤️
ReplyDeleteWe've been friends for thirty-four years. She's conservative and I'm liberal, but deep down we have a lot in common.
DeleteThat sounds like a disease that a friend suffered with. The stem cell transplant worked but the whole chemo and radiotherapy treatment was horrendous. He wasn't a very emotionally expressive person but said it was like being in hell, and he would never do again. When the disease reappeared after about five years, he refused treatment and died quite quickly. He was happy with his informed decision, as was his twin brother. There wasn't undue pressure put on him by medical staff.
ReplyDeleteI hope your road trip goes very well.
She knows she will die of this, she just doesn't want it to be any time soon:)
DeleteA good friend of mine has multiple myeloma and had a stem cell transplant. She seems to be doing well so far but it is terminal. (which she doesn't talk about) There are so many ways to die that it makes it sometimes hard to live the carefree and joyful existence that we want. I'm glad you're going on the trip; it's best not to wait. Hugs to you!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad we're finally going on a road trip:)
DeleteA doctor in my office building has MM as well :( I didn't realize there was only prevention, no remission per se. I am glad you seemed to have knocked some sense into your friend. Take that trip!! <3
ReplyDeleteLets hope my friend believes me when I say I'll help.
DeleteIt's funny how people can spend their whole lives helping others and then be unwilling to ask for help when they need it themselves. I'm so glad you have gotten through to both your friend and her daughter - and having a key to her place is so much more reassuring. Good luck to your friend!
ReplyDeleteI'm a compulsive helped too and I know it's hard to ask for help, so I cut her some slack, but she needs help and will need more help in the coming years.
DeleteOne of my friends had (has?) MM, detected when she was halfway through her third pregnancy. We celebrated 20 years of survival after stem cell transplantation last year. She is losing hair and bone and is continually exhausted. She is still very active in various patient advocacy groups.
ReplyDeleteWe rarely talk about health other than checking hair replacement options or going full Sinead O'Connor.
Enjoy the trip!
Your friend is an anomaly with regards to her MM, she's lucky, and she was young. My friend's biggest complaint is her chronic fatigue and generally feeling like crap all the time. That would suck the life out of me.
DeleteI am glad that you are going on that road trip. Cancer is a horrible disease, with some cancers taking the cake in how awful they are. Your friend's cancer sounds like hell on earth. She is lucky to have you as a friend.
ReplyDeleteWhen I worked at the cancer centre, I would often hear patient's telling another patient that they had a good kind of cancer. When I first heard that I was shocked, and then I realized it was true.
DeleteWhat a good friend you are! Yes, take that road trip to Vancouver and have a wonderful time together.
ReplyDeleteWe will have a good time. I told her I had a confession to make before we left, and she thought it was about politics. I said no, I fart a lot. She started laughing and said, so do I! Should be a gas:)
DeleteYou are such a good friend and the thing is- I know that you truly mean it when you say you are ready to help whenever needed.
ReplyDeleteI do mean it when I say I'll help, but she worries because I already take care of Jack. I have another grandson who could use a stable home too, he appears be delayed, but I can't take care of two and she keeps telling me that. She's a very good friend.
DeleteI have myellodysplastic syndrome (MDS) and I’ve always been (too) active. Now I and all family and friends are trying different approach. It’s hard. Barbara in Houston.
ReplyDeleteI had another very good friend with nasopharyngeal cancer and she had always been an energizer bunny. Slowing down was the hardest part for her.
DeleteI'm so sorry you have to deal with the MDS. That sucks.
Your friend is so fortunate to have you in her life, someone who really means it when you say to call, that you will come and care for her, and lucky her, you even know what to do. I wrote a book about a senator 5 years ago now and she was 4 years into an incurable cancer when we worked together, but it was controlled by immunotherapy treatments and she is stlil going strong, still a fighter and i pray for her every day because she is one of the good ones in the senate and we need her voice more than ever. your friend sounds like she is a fighter too. but i am glad you are not putting off the trip to see your daughters any longer. i do love your daughter's food videos, she's so talented.
ReplyDeleteShe really is! I could watch her cook all day.
DeleteI'm glad you like my daughter's videos. She's doing well and even hired someone to help her. She wants to publish a cookbook.
DeleteAnd my friend is definitely a fighter, her whole life.
I'm so sorry. Glad you know what's coming so you can make the best of the time you have left, but ... sorry just the same. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThanks Kate. I want to say we'll have a blow out trip, but I also know that's we'll both be in bed by 9pm every night:)
DeleteI hope you got through to your friend. You will take the trip and remember it warmly.
ReplyDeleteI'll have to remember to take lots of photos, lol.
DeleteI hope I got through to her as well. I'm checking in with her daily now.
Inspirational is an overused word, but that is what I think you are. I hope you enjoy your visit to Vancouver - Carpe Diem.
ReplyDeleteThanks, but I don't agree. I think we all need to take care of each other. None of us can get through this life without help.
DeleteMy late husband's nephew has had a stem cell transplant.. groundbreaking as they used his own cells ( cutting rejection problems) ..they keep half back in case of recurrence of the cancer..
ReplyDeleteWhat helped both him and my husband ( who was treated for prostate cancer starting in 2013, then succumbed to bowel cancer in 2024) was positivity. No denial just getting on with things. And, like you say..not being afraid to ask for help.
Sending virtual ((hugs)) to you and your friend x
Thank you for sharing GZ. My friend's stem cell transplant was her own cells as well.
DeleteOh that road trip sounds like it will be so good for both of you (and your daughters). A work colleague's father has just been diagnosed with a form of blood cancer. So many different forms of cancer out there.
ReplyDeleteEvery cell in our body has the potential to become cancerous, some more so than others, but they all do. I'm looking forward to the trip. Fingers crossed everything goes well between now and when we leave.
DeleteIf your friend doesn’t tell you things out of hesitation to burden you, just remind her how much harder it would be to care for Jack without her friendship to bolster you!!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you spoke not only to your friend but your friend's daughter. Hopefully next time they'll be less reluctant to call you in to help!
ReplyDeleteThat's an unusual looking zinnia. I also love zinnias and I haven't grown them for several years -- not sure why. Maybe I'll get motivated next spring!