It's still cold here, and next week is supposed to be cold as well. The dogs and I are going stir crazy, so is the cat who sits by the door and meows until I open the door, then she walks away in a huff. We've also had a lot of snow this winter, which is good, but eventually you run out of places to put it. The photo is Miss Katie's neighborhood.
Jack is home sick today which means today will be a loooong day. He slept with me last night because he wasn't feeling well and he tossed and turned all night, so neither of us slept well. On the upside, I'm retired, and don't have to book off work and feel guilty for leaving my coworkers short. I wonder how long until I have a fever and a cough like him:)
I went to a parenting class yesterday and it was about developing resilience in children. It was helpful and I learned a lot, like teaching your child/grandson, how to problem solve (not something that anyone ever taught me). There was also an acronym which I hadn't heard before HALTS.
When children and adults start to unwind, check for the following.
H-hungry
A-angry
L-lonely
T-tired
S-sensory overload
All of these things cause problems for small and large brains, especially me, but Jack as well. It's only been in the last few years that I realize how much hungry, tired, and sensory overload affect me. It's not pretty, but being aware of it, checking myself and Jack, is a good way to stop problems from escalating. Overall it was a great program with lots of good ideas that I'll try and use.
I was the oldest person in the class, but I'm getting used to that. Raising a second generation gives me a different perspective which is nice; things I stressed over the first time, don't stress me nearly as much now because I realize the behavior won't last forever (even though it feels like that at the time). My main issues are raising a traumatized child with ADHD, but we're working on it and I'm learning how to deal with myself better, and be a better role model for him.
It's February which means I'm tired of winter. It's also the month that both of my parents died, which gets me down a little. My dad died twenty-five years ago tomorrow. Hard to believe it's been so long. We had such a difficult relationship that it was hard to say goodbye to him. I wish he had lived long enough for me to forgive him for being a fucked up human who did his best. I wish I could have told him that when he was alive, that I loved him, despite being fucked up.
And on that happy note, I have decided on my next pottery project. A teapot.
What a great acronym! My oldest grandson had a melt down while I was there and I watched his dad deal with him. He tends to talk too much and interact a lot which made everything worse. My daughter puts grandson in his room and tells him to call her when he's ready to talk. I didn't say anything though! I took a Parenting class once and it was very helpful. That pottery--oh, my! I love the snow from far away, but don't want any here. We may get some today although not that much!
ReplyDeleteIt is a great acronym and pretty much applies to everyone really. Kids need time by themselves when they're having a meltdown, time to pause and regroup.
DeleteI love that teapot, wish I was that talented. I think I would glaze it orange:)
That would be allowed in my pottery class.
ReplyDeleteI admire you so much for all the work and research you are doing to raise Jack in a loving and caring and effective way. Truly. You are amazing.
We're working on pinch pots right now and you can make a teapot from two pinch pots. I think the scrotum would be the hard part though, ironically:)
DeleteI have to say I admire and respect you for your dedication to help Jack through his struggles. Teapot is clever to say the least. :)
ReplyDeleteI have time now and there's more information available than when my kids were little. I started school when my son was four months old, my girls are eighteen months apart, and Katie is severely disabled; it was a lot. It's better now.
DeleteYour pottery is lovely, you've done this before, right? I get hangry, and it happens in a flash. There is always a fig newton type cookie within arm's reach. That's a good acronym. Your weather is so awful, I feel so bad for you guys. I used to work with a woman from Quebec and she would show us pictures of snow piled up over their heads and I wondered who would live there? But, all of you won't fit in British Columbia. Looking forward to seeing new art work.
ReplyDeleteI've never taken a pottery class before, but have wanted to for years.
DeleteI don't mind the snow, it's the cold I dislike.
Thank you for HALTS. I’m still laughing at the teapot.
ReplyDeleteMy mum would have loved that teapot.
DeleteMy grandchild recently told me that when they are "very hangry, things get a bit messy for a while" but that after a slice of toast with vegemite everything gets better.
ReplyDeleteWe had a tiny bit of sleet this morning, the world and all traffic stopped in a panic.
Things do get a bit messy when we're hungry, or tired, or lonely. Often we just need a snack, or a nap, or a hug.
DeleteThat teapot is hilarious! Thanks for sharing the halts information, I’ve also learned from it. My 60+ friend was recently diagnosed with adhd (which turned on so many lightbulbs for her!) and my brother has Asperger’s. Hope you and Jack both feel better soon.
ReplyDeleteXoxo
Barbara
I've never been formally diagnosed, but I've known I have ADHD since my son was small and I started reading about it, for him. A lot more work has been done since then though, and women have entered the conversation, finally. It's good to know that I'm not crazy, just neurodivergent:)
DeleteThat, my dear, is not a teapot - it's a pee pot! And good on you for doing your damnedest to be the best guardian for Jack that you can be.
ReplyDeleteA piss pot you say, perhaps:)
DeleteI like learning and if it makes his life, or more life better, why not?
Jack is very lucky to have you in his life as you are working to understand him better. That snow looks positively depressing. I like a little snow, but certainly not that much. That teapot sure gave me a chuckle!
ReplyDeleteI like the snow, it's the cold that I dislike. To be honest though, I'm tired of the snow too by the end of march. It's a classy teapot:)
DeleteThat teapot! I hooted! I had heard of HALT but not HALTS, I was missing the sensory overload, which was the thing that most unraveled me. It’s so good that you’re raising Jack with a consciousness of these states of being. You’re helping him to build his emotional intelligence and self regulation.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad we know more about emotional regulation now, it helps both of us, and it was a huge problem for me when I was young ( never knew why ).
DeleteThat sounds like a great parenting class, very helpful and informative. Yes, go ahead and make that teapot, LOL!
ReplyDeleteI found a vulva teapot cozy to go with the penis teapot, seemed right:)
DeleteThat is serious snow. I can see a business opportunity, somewhere to take your snow to be melted. Maybe someone could turn up with a flame thrower to melt the snow.
ReplyDeleteIt must be interesting to observe what younger mothers fret about, that you don't. But I suppose every mother has their own problems and worries about raising their children, so perhaps it can't be generalised.
If I had an elderly relative, and I wasn't elderly myself, I love to shock them with the teapot.
There is a snow removal pile just west of us, for the city of Edmonton. I'll try and take a photo of it for you. It's huge and usually lasts all summer before it has fully melted.
DeleteYoung mothers don't realize that behaviors don't last as long as they think they will. They also worry about things that they often don't have much control over. One young mother was very concerned because Jack called her son a chicken head, which her son then called her. She said in a voice loud enough for me to hear, "We don't call people things like that.". I laughed inside because I know her son will say much worse things to her. Chicken head is very innocuous compared to what could have been said.
I'm sure there's a certain amount of security that comes with child-raising experience! I like the HALTS thing. I think I sometimes have sensory overload without even realizing it.
ReplyDeleteI am often find I have sensory overload, but now I know it has a name, that it's a thing, not a failing, and I can remove myself to calm myself before I have a meltdown.
DeleteI am soooo over the cold and snow, too!
ReplyDeleteThat teapot is a total hoot!
The teapot would work well on a urology unit, in the break room:)
DeleteHA!! The tea pot 😄 Being retired is allowing you time to handle emotions, both yours and Jacks. This is my father's 102 birthday. He died right after his birthday in 2015. Neither of my parents ever said they loved me and I never said it to them. I, sadly, don't regret it. Stay warm up there.
ReplyDeleteToday is the anniversary of my dad's death. He would have turned 101 this year. Makes me feel a little old. My father was a very angry, hurt man who really only wanted to feel safe and keep his family safe. He didn't know how to do that but now that I'm older, I realize that it was his form of love. He did better than his parents.
DeleteOMG thanks for that teapot! lol
ReplyDeleteYou're welcome:)
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