Jack had a good sleep last night and he still managed to have four meltdowns before I dropped him off at daycare.

#1  Last night, he and poppa made a bead bracelet with all of our names on it.  I put some glue on the knot last night, to make it strong and to ensure the knot didn't come undone.  He put it on this morning and within thirty minutes it broke, because he kept twisting it.

#2  He wanted to remake the bracelet this morning and asked for my help.  He was mad because the glue rendered some of the "gold beads" unuseable this morning and he had to change his design.  The glue was my fault he said.  Not happy.

#3  He dropped an "A" on the floor, the last "A" in the bottle of beads and he couldn't find it, so he couldn't spell out papa.  I said we could change it to poppa, not happy.

#4  I told him I could remake the bracelet later, because it was time for OSC (out of school care).  He wanted to know what later meant.  Did that mean I would be home all day?  Which, if that was the case, he figured he could stay home all day.  That was not going to happen after three meltdowns.  Then he was crying because he said, "I'm only a kid, and you yelled at me."  I told him that I understand that he is a kid but I did not yell at him, and I was very frustrated with him.  More tears.

A lot of tears this morning.  I know he has ADHD, but so do I, and I can only take so much in the way of overstimulation I realize.  It's been really cold this week so he hasn't been outside for exercise and I should have put him on the elliptical before supper last night.  But I didn't think of it.  I was tired.  So I felt like a failure as I drove home after dropping him off.  It's too cold to walk the dogs.  I had a cry, but  I'll get on the elliptical later to burn off some of my excess energy and stress.

Part of Jack burning off his energy involves pacing around the kitchen while making lots of noise.  Last night he was doing this while naked because again there was an issue about his shower/bath at bedtime.  The pacing and the noise was too much for my poor brain. He pushes me to the limit and then I walk away to stop me from yelling.  There is something about ADHD called rejection sensitive dysphoria (which I realize now, I've had all my life and it explains A LOT).  So the feelings Jack has when I walk away, rejection and a feeling of failure, are intense for him.  All of his feelings are intense, full disclosure, so are mine.  We're quite the pair.  

But now I know and I'm trying so hard to be patient with him and with myself.  We feel things strongly.  Our feelings get hurt easily.  We feel rejection often.  This is hard but I feel like I have more tools available to me this time round.  My two oldest also have ADHD and I can honestly say I feel like I failed them, but when you know better, you do better.  Or at least that's the theory:)

Tomorrow I think we'll head to the pool for some exercise and to burn up some of that excess energy of his.