Jack had a good sleep last night and he still managed to have four meltdowns before I dropped him off at daycare.
#1 Last night, he and poppa made a bead bracelet with all of our names on it. I put some glue on the knot last night, to make it strong and to ensure the knot didn't come undone. He put it on this morning and within thirty minutes it broke, because he kept twisting it.
#2 He wanted to remake the bracelet this morning and asked for my help. He was mad because the glue rendered some of the "gold beads" unuseable this morning and he had to change his design. The glue was my fault he said. Not happy.
#3 He dropped an "A" on the floor, the last "A" in the bottle of beads and he couldn't find it, so he couldn't spell out papa. I said we could change it to poppa, not happy.
#4 I told him I could remake the bracelet later, because it was time for OSC (out of school care). He wanted to know what later meant. Did that mean I would be home all day? Which, if that was the case, he figured he could stay home all day. That was not going to happen after three meltdowns. Then he was crying because he said, "I'm only a kid, and you yelled at me." I told him that I understand that he is a kid but I did not yell at him, and I was very frustrated with him. More tears.
A lot of tears this morning. I know he has ADHD, but so do I, and I can only take so much in the way of overstimulation I realize. It's been really cold this week so he hasn't been outside for exercise and I should have put him on the elliptical before supper last night. But I didn't think of it. I was tired. So I felt like a failure as I drove home after dropping him off. It's too cold to walk the dogs. I had a cry, but I'll get on the elliptical later to burn off some of my excess energy and stress.
Part of Jack burning off his energy involves pacing around the kitchen while making lots of noise. Last night he was doing this while naked because again there was an issue about his shower/bath at bedtime. The pacing and the noise was too much for my poor brain. He pushes me to the limit and then I walk away to stop me from yelling. There is something about ADHD called rejection sensitive dysphoria (which I realize now, I've had all my life and it explains A LOT). So the feelings Jack has when I walk away, rejection and a feeling of failure, are intense for him. All of his feelings are intense, full disclosure, so are mine. We're quite the pair.
But now I know and I'm trying so hard to be patient with him and with myself. We feel things strongly. Our feelings get hurt easily. We feel rejection often. This is hard but I feel like I have more tools available to me this time round. My two oldest also have ADHD and I can honestly say I feel like I failed them, but when you know better, you do better. Or at least that's the theory:)
Tomorrow I think we'll head to the pool for some exercise and to burn up some of that excess energy of his.
Just as I know you are doing the very best you can, I think that Jack is probably trying too but that looks very, very different in a child. I feel a great deal of sympathy for both of you because that is HARD!
ReplyDeleteJack is trying, he so wants to be a good kid, but then he gets distracted:)
DeleteHe's also learning what he can and can't do in our home, learning his boundaries. I never realized this when my own kids were little.
It is really difficult and even with a child who did not have to go through what this boy has experienced. Have you ever heard of the attachment theory and the attachment styles (developed and researched by John Bowlby, some time in the 1960s), I studied it in uni and it came back to me in droves especially when my daughter had her tantrum phase. There's a potential relationship between early childhood attachment experiences and ADHD and possible ways of understanding and intervention but I am sure the child counsellor knows all about it.
ReplyDeleteI remember learning about attachment styles way back in college. I'll have to refresh my memory. I had to take him for bloodwork after OSC, so two more meltdowns and then he was fine. As quickly as they come, they also leave.
DeleteI feel sorry for both of you. I can only guess at how difficult this is and my guess is very. Does Jack like counting? If you have a step tracker, even on your phone, he might really want to get on the elliptical. Maybe he already does like it. Sandra, This & That.
ReplyDeleteHe does like counting and he's quite good at it. I should look for my old fitbit.
DeleteThat is SO hard on Jack and you. The best we can do is try; we aren't superhuman and have our own emotions to deal with. If it helps, I admire you so much for parenting Jack and for continuing to learn about him AND yourself. Don't hate me when I admit my relief that Jack is having melt downs. My 4 1/2-year-old grandson is too and it's very difficult on his parents and on him. They feel so helpless and frustrated.
ReplyDeleteLifelong learning is the goal I think. Nobody can know or experience everything, so we learn from others. Kids are just hard. When you think about how much they have to learn, it's no wonder they have meltdowns. I'm still trying to learn how to regulate my emotions at sixty-two.
DeleteI’m so sorry you both have to go through that. ❤️
ReplyDeleteWe're fine, but thank you. We snuggled before bed, while he watched a movie.
DeleteI'm so sorry Pixie. Poor Jack and poor you. This may be the inappropriate thing to say but I can only thank the powers that be that Jack is NOWHERE near Gracie right now. I know it's tough on you but you are Jack's lifeline!
ReplyDeleteJack and I are fine, but you're right, Gracie wouldn't be able to cope with him sadly.
DeleteThe trip to the pool sounds like a great idea - that's if Jack isn't in an obstructive mood. He could have fun and great exercise too and he might get to splash his grandmother! "Take that Nana!"
ReplyDeleteThey ended up going to the trampoline park. Nana loves to swim, but he and I will go another day.
DeleteI'm glad you made up and snuggled.
ReplyDeleteIt's all good, just a little guy learning about boundaries and how far you can push people:)
DeleteAlthough I've been away for a while, I've thought of you and your family often. Thank you for subscribing to my Substack. Sending love, as always.
ReplyDeleteI thought you were my daughter in law at first, you two share the same first name. It's nice to see your paintings again.
DeleteI'm sure this time of year, when you're essentially stuck indoors and can't work out your tensions with a dog walk or some other excursion, has got to be hard. At least you recognize how your feelings interact with Jack's and that's a big step towards working things out, it seems to me. As for the bracelet, hopefully that A will turn up! Watch the vacuum cleaner! :)
ReplyDeleteI found the A, it was on the windowsill beside the kitchen table. It's supposed to warm up tomorrow which will be nice. We'll have to make the most of it.
DeleteI am late to the comments as I haven't been checking and reading blogs since last Thursday. I hope things have settled down a bit with Jack. It is good that you are recognizing his and your ADHD as that must help you understand things better. All one can do is try to be better. None of us are perfect. As I was reading the comments I noticed that you never made it to the pool. I went today and I swam a mile. I am exhausted but my brain isn't thinking of Trump, so that's a good thing.
ReplyDelete