It snowed last night, not a lot, but a harbinger of things to come. Snow itself is not a bad thing, but when it's combined with the cold and the dark, it gets me down. Life is just harder in the winter. Navigating snow lined, slippery streets is hard, getting groceries is harder, getting childen in and out of coats and boots is harder, everything just becomes that little bit harder.
Jack stayed home yesterday because he wasn't feeling well. He had a very slight fever and he was still coughing, so I said fine, but I also told him what I had to do yesterday and that he would have to come with me. We hung out at the rental for a couple of hours, waiting for the repair guy to come and finally fix the washing machine (it's been broken for three months, long story), took the dogs for a run at the dog park, and took Katie's wheelchair to be fixed. He also got his vaccinations at a local pharmacy which did not go well. It was done by a pharmacist who was fine, and did a good job, but he was no public health nurse and didn't really know what to do with a crying, screaming child.
By the end of the day I was feeling overwhelmed and overstimulated because Jack also talked for most of the day, except for the two twenty minute naps he took in the car while we drove Katie's wheelchair to the city. I hate feeling like that. I feel like a failure. I understand it's how my brain works but I wish it didn't.
Five less commonly known symptoms of ADHD in women.
1. Emotional dysregulation that includes intense mood swings. Difficulty regulating emotions.
2. Verbal processing, talking things out to understand them, often seen as oversharing.
3. Internalized hyperactivy, racing thoughts, anxiety, internal chaos.
4. Low frustration tolerance, minor setbacks can feel major or feel like defeat.
5. Impulse decision making.
Women often attribute these to a personal flaws, instead of recognizing these as core symptoms of ADHD. Yep.
Deep breaths. I took the dogs for a walk in the snow, now it's down to the basement to use the eliptical and lift a few weights. Hopefully that will help lift the fog in my brain.
The snow we had melted in a couple of days. I mostly like winter, but then I don't have a young child to care for. I don't have ADHD but some of those symptoms apply to me. I know it does no good for me to tell you you're not a failure, but you're not. I do have to say this to myself on a regular basis, so I get it.
ReplyDeleteThis snow will melt too. It's supposed to be 4C today. I exercised and now I'm cleaning, overcoming the clutter and chaos in my brain by organizing the basement:)
DeleteWinter only looks good in pictures. Does it help to have a list of symptoms?
ReplyDeleteI agree. I tried downhill skiing when I was younger, in my twenties, but never got good enough to enjoy it, so I gave up. Plus it was hard with Katie.
DeleteIt does help to have a list of symptoms because I have been told in the past that I am mentally ill, beyond the depression. That hurt a lot because it came from my best friend. I also wonder how much of my depression is just being neurodivergent. It also nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this, who lives like this, and it reminds me to be extra gentle with Jack.
Lifting weights? Jesus! Don't end up with biceps like Popeye the Sailorman after a couple of cans of spinach!... Worse still - Bluto!
ReplyDeleteI can assure you that no matter how hard I tried, I could never get biceps like either of those cartoon characters. I would be happy with biceps like Hannah Waddingham though:)
DeleteAs an introvert, I get overwhelmed by non-stop talkers too. If I can't limit my time with them, my solution is to just tune them out and not invest any energy in real listening. Most talkers don't even notice, quite frankly. They're so in love with the sound of their own voice, that's all they focus on.
ReplyDeleteProbably not an appropriate strategy when raising a small child, it's true but then, what the hell do I know? I'm a childless cat lady.
Thanks for making me laugh. I do sometimes tune Jack out but he's pretty persistent and I do try very hard to attend to what he's saying.
DeleteAnd, it is 84 degrees here. Unbelievable.
ReplyDeleteDoes knowing that those things are symptoms of ADHD instead of flaws help? I don't know. My thoughts are so scattered and unfocused today that I can't even think about it.
Yeah, I probably have it.
I hope Jack feels better soon. You are so not a failure. Give yourself a little love.
It does help me knowing that they are symptoms instead of flaws. It's like I have blue eyes, big hands, and a brain that operates differently than the average person. I'm not a freak, just different.
DeleteIt is much, much harder in the cold--more gear and less inclination to go out. Having a screaming child would add to my stress, then too much talking would get on my nerves. Much as I love her, my mom is guilty of over-talking and there are times I am NOT in the mood for it.
ReplyDeleteI need and peace and quiet sometimes, to let my brain rest.
DeleteI see all those symptoms in my boss (at least the ones I can observe). Hmmmm. Food for thought.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you need some YOU time!
Perhaps your new boss is a woman with ADHD. I wonder if she is aware of her traits.
DeleteI do need some me time. I need to work on that.
That photo is indeed beautiful, but viewing it from a computer and dealing with it day in and out are certainly two different things. I am typing this comment from my deck wearing shorts in 80 degree weather, contemplating life, and how in hell someone like Trump could get elected.
ReplyDeleteIt does make you wonder about the people in your country, doesn't it? A convicted felon, known for sexual assaults on women, as well as a con man, versus a woman. Misogyny wins again.
DeleteWell whodathunk? I tick every one in that list. Might explain a few things!
ReplyDeleteIt is a beautiful photo. I so envy you having snow.
Jack is a lucky lad to have you. I know I've said it before and I will keep saying it.
I'd be okay without the snow.
DeleteI'm learning a lot about women and ADHD, quite interesting and illuminating.