The weather here continues to be mild and most of the snow is gone. The sun remains low in the in sky, even at noon. I'm looking forward to the longer days.
I'm home sick today, probably with whatever made Jack sick on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. He recovered quite quickly and I imagine I will too. Jack comes home this afternoon. Even though he keeps us busy, we miss him when he's gone.
My son came over last Saturday for supper. I tried to reach him to ask him if he was coming but couldn't reach him by phone. He showed up about 1:30 in the afternoon when Jack and Poppa were out doing Christmas shopping. He is sober and that's about it. He got angry with me because he said I lied about trying to call him. I have probably five numbers in my phone for him and obviously, I texted and called the wrong number. He only stayed for about thirty minutes but it was a long thirty minutes. He was angry about everything. I did suggest he see a counselor and that was not the right thing to say. So, although he's sober, he has done no work on himself, especially the whole looking at yourself in the mirror part. Everything wrong in his life is my fault.
He scared me enough for me to leave the house and go over to my neighbor's, who was very kind and took me in until my son left. My son stormed out of the house but then had to wait in the driveway until his cab came. He has no license due DUIs and not paying any child maintenance. He threw Jack's gifts in the garbage and left, all the while sending me angry texts.
When he had gone, I fished the gifts out of the garbage and they became gifts from Santa for Jack. My son said he would block me on his phone, but he wants the money he sent me, and then yesterday, he asked if we had any spare furniture for his new apartment. And so it goes.
My son won't look at himself. He said he has no family or friends, which is true, because he has used everybody, both family and friends. It's up to him to make amends to those he's hurt but I'm not holding my breath.
The whole thing upset me for a little bit but really, it's just more of the same with him. I think it upset my hubby more and I'm so thankful Jack didn't have to see any of it; Jack's been through enough.
Otherwise, life goes on. The sun is shining and it's above 0C which is lovely. Two years ago on this date the temperature was -35C. Mild weather makes winter much easier to take.
It's good to read this didn't ruin your day. It's cliche, but he is what he is. It's very good Jack was not there.
ReplyDeleteI like the short days, but I'm among the few who do. We are finally going below freezing which is helpful with the mud. It has been an unusual winter. Here's hoping you quickly recover your health.
It's amazing how low the sun is there. I've never been that far north, especially in winter. It is good that Jack was not home. I wish that things were different.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry about your son's behavior and my heart hurts for you and Jack, even though he's not aware of it. We go on and try to make the best of things, but it gets harder and harder as the hurts build up. Be well! Supportive hugs and thoughts for you, my friend!
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear you're not feeling well, and also had a terrible run-in with your son. It's good that he's staying sober but as you said, he still needs to work on himself and the underlying issues. If he's in a 12-step program, hopefully his sponsor/mentor can help him see that.
ReplyDeleteIt hurts, doesn't it, and is so unfair, when all we want is for our children to be healthy and happy, and we've done our best to raise them so they will be, and they don't realize it.
ReplyDeleteOne day, I hope that the scales fall away from your son's eyes so that he can see things clearly... but I won't be holding my breath.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first read that your son had been over I was oh so hopeful. And then I read the rest of it. I'm so glad Jack was out but I'm truly sorry you're still going through this!
ReplyDeleteHe may be sober but he's not going to stay that way for long with his attitude and inability to be honest with himself, much less others. I am SO, SO glad that Jack was not there to witness that.
ReplyDeleteOf course you had to get what Jack had. This is the way of it. Children are just joyful little carriers of germs. Rest up. From both the illness and your experience with your son.
I'm sure living with a small child and working in a hospital probably exposes you to all sorts of bugs. So sorry you're ill again! And I'm sorry about your son too. I would think that ownership of emotions and past actions, making amends and restoring relationships (to the extent that it's possible), would be part of any recovery program so hopefully he's going to do some work on that.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't seem to get any better with your son.You try so hard and I admire how you continue to be available for him.
ReplyDeleteI recently made up with my alcoholic sister after not speaking to her since 2018. She claims to be working the program and not drinking. Maybe it is true. All I know is whenever I speak or text with her I am walking on eggshells. And she's still blaming everyone else, so I don't have much faith in her long term recovery prospects. It's so tiring, isn't it? And annoying.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry Dealing with your Son was so difficult and it is typical behavior, as you know, of a Tortured Soul. And how difficult it often is for them to Face the Dark Parts of themselves that they are trying to Escape from with substance abuse. Glad Jack recovered from being Sick during the Holidays, sorry to hear you probably caught whatever is is, that happens in Multigenerational Family a lot. *Le Sigh* Healing Energies sent your way. And sending Positive Vibes for you to keep Loving unconditionally your Troubled Prodigal... I know how difficult that is.
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