My father in law is quietly dying in Wetaskiwin.  He's stopped taking anything by mouth, no food, no drinks and no medications.  It won't be long and I will miss him.  He was a lovely, kind, funny man.  I could talk to him, not something I could ever do with my own father.  My husband is sad and distracted, and we wait for my father in law to take his last breath.

For years Jack's highchair has sat next to my desk in the family room.  He's too big for it, has been for awhile, but he likes it.  Yesterday he and I were on a mission to find a bookcase for his books that sat on the bottom shelf of our old coffee table.  We went to Restore, Habitat for Humanity, which recyles lots of stuff, but no bookcases yesterday.  As we drove home, I noticed that my neighbor was having a garage sale, so Jack and I walked over and we found this little unit, for $10.  It's solid cedar, handmade by my neighbor's grandfather.  I tried to get the yellow varnish off but it was too hard, so I  took off the doors and painted it with chalk paint; it's perfect for all his books, and my purse.  As a bonus, he can now much better see which books he has and which books he wants to read.

Last summer I was at Restore and bought this table, upcycled from scrap wood, for the bedroom downstairs (guests could put their suitcase on it).  It's plain pine, so I'm repainting it white; it's just too hot on the deck to finish it up right now, so it waits.  Jack and my hubby can use this table to eat supper on, while we watch TV, not something I ever let my own children do.  The little green chair you see in the photo, is the perfect height for him to eat at the the table and he's happy because 1- he's a big boy and 2- he gets to sit beside poppa.

 

Jack stayed with his aunt and his grandma last week and was much more like his own self when he came back home.  No screaming, no sobbing, no slapping, no meltdowns.  Night and day difference.  However, he has a new fear, of being left alone.  I texted his auntie about this because Jack said his auntie had left him alone in the car for a long time.  She had not left him, she bent down to pick something up off the ground and Jack couldn't see her and he lost it.  On Thursday morning, Jack couldn't see poppa briefly while he was waiting in the car for my husband to walk around the car and get in.  There was a lot of crying, sobbing really.

Jack's auntie texted me back and agreed that something must have happened at Gracie's place when he stayed there and she apologized for not believing me.  She's noticed a change in Jack as well and will not let Jack be unsupervised with his mom again, for now.  We have always maintained that Gracie is mentally ill and that is why she self medicates with drugs and alcohol.  I think her family is finally starting to understand this and agree.  

I wonder if Gracie locked Jack in a room, or in the apartment, while she went out, even briefly.  I don't know what else happened when he was alone with her. Jack's attached himself like a remora fish to poppa and panics when he can't see poppa.  He tells me, "I need poppa."  Jack also ended up in poppa's bed every night this week, in the middle of the night, too afraid to be alone.

When we told him his auntie was coming to get him yesterday he ran inside.  I told him that auntie wouldn't be taking him to his mama's and that he would be safe with auntie.  I asked Jack if mama was mean sometimes to him.  He said, "Mama is always mean to me."  Fucking hell.  We need to have a guardian meeting again soon but Jack is safe with his auntie and us for now.

The photo below is the dog park which helps me keep my sanity.  Charlie gallops across the grass and his joy is infectious, thankfully.  He's a lovely dog with such a good nature.