We're in Vancouver now, visiting my daughter. Jack had a great time with his aunt and uncle which was nice to see. We left after four hours though because my daughter was exhausted. I didn't know fatigue was such a huge part of MS. My daughter's only thirty-two but you could see the exhaustion written across her face. We'll see them again tomorrow.
Jack has been a handful off and on throughout our trip. I know it's hard for kids to be out of their routine, completely out of their routine, and where nothing is familiar. I just googled are four year olds difficult and the answer is yes, which is a relief. I always worry that his behavior is caused by trauma and fucked up parents.
Having Google to answer my questions is nice and not something that was available when my kids were little. I gives me reassurance that I'm not doing a bad job of parenting this time round, that things are normal (ish).
I wonder how much of myself I hold back with Jack, afraid he'll be taken away, or afraid that after raising him, he'll be just like his parents. My sister in law did point out to me that Jack would be just like his dad if I did nothing.
Who knows? Certainly not me.
There’s the terrible twos. Then “The Fucking Fours”. I found worse than toddler stage. For all 3 kids. Hang on grandma, he’s lucky to have you. You are doing way better than you think I bet.
ReplyDeleteI'm not going to tell my older daughter about the 4s because they're having a tough time with their Threenager. The thought of it dragging on for years would dishearten her. However, parenting is like that, lurching from one stage to another and dealing with the plusses and minuses. I didn't realize that fatigue was a part of MS either but it does make sense. Your poor daughter! She's so young and that would be frustrating to deal with.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like an exhausting trip for all of you - but so, so lovely. Enjoy whatever time you have left on your trip. You deserve it!
ReplyDeleteSometimes children grow up to be themselves, and leave the sins of their parents behind. With you two raising Jack, I know he will be fine. Teach him to think, reflect, and consider.
ReplyDeleteThe endless debate nature vs nurture but rest assured, community, the environment, parenting, the proverbial village, all win the debate. Aggression just as well as loving and caring are learned through observation and imitation.
ReplyDeleteYes. Four-year olds can be a mess. But then they can turn on a dime and be the sweetest. Kids.
ReplyDeleteRest assured- you are doing fine. You are doing great! Try not to worry about the mess times and love the sweet ones.
I am so sorry your daughter is having to go through this.
All you can do is your best. That's a simple fact. At some point we're all responsible for who we are and the choices we make. Yes, four-year-olds are difficult! People talk about the terrible twos, but as I understand it, the terrible twos last several years!
ReplyDeleteHow much is nature and how much is nurture? Who knows? All you can do is your best and I know you're doing that.
ReplyDeleteI had to smile because my neighbor just told me that she honestly thought one of her grandsons would grow up to be a serial killer- that's how difficult he was until he was past his teens. She assured me that she was not joking. Now he is a delightful young man with a steady job. Hang in there! JanF
ReplyDeleteYou are giving Jack a loving and stable home. That's all you can do. My son didn't become difficult until he was an adult!
ReplyDeleteOy! Four year olds... we live next door to two of them (boy and girl twins) and the noise is just astounding. You're doing your best, and it's a lot.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing the best you can with Jack, it's good that he has you two. Is that crowd picture Granville Island? Sure looks like it.
ReplyDeleteOrganization, disorganization, organization... Whatever it is, it will change... You two are wonderful parents to Jack.
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