The lego is obviously getting out of hand around here.

It's bloody cold today, -20C this morning, but it's supposed to warm up today and tomorrow it's forecast to be 2C.  I see a long dog walk in my future.

I thought I was going back to work on March 1st but I heard from my short term disability insurance person and she said I need to take a six week course to help "ensure my successful return to work".  I hate being told what to do, hate being told what's best for me.  I asked what this course entails and she had no idea, it's tailored for me.  Oh yay.  They also won't be in contact with me right away, it may take up to a week, so now that's seven weeks away for a start back to work date.  I need to just let go and do this I guess.  Fighting it won't get me anywhere.

The other night Jack was looking at photos of his grandpa in his bedroom.  He looked at me and said, "Who shot grandpa?" (grandpa shot himself in the head).  I don't have a poker face.  I told him he needs to talk to his grandma about this, which is the first time I've ever not answered a question of his.  He didn't bring it up again.  I did let his grandma know and she agreed that eventually we will have to tell him about his grandpa's death by suicide. 

The other morning before Jack left for daycare, we were sitting on the couch, and he casually asked me who would die first, me or poppa.  I told him that I didn't know but told him that if we're lucky, we'll live for a long time.  He asked me if he was lucky.  I told him that he was a very lucky boy.

Jack continues to be high maintenance right now, wanting more attention than you can give, insisting we look at him, while we're looking at him.  I know it's a phase, I just hope it passes quickly.  He starts swimming lessons on Saturday which will give him another activity to use up some of his energy.  This morning he was up 5am, wide eyed and bushy tailed, talking a mile a minute.  I'm pretty sure he has ADHD but that doesn't bother me (there's nothing I can do to undo it). 

My son also has ADHD and learning disabilities; the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.  School was very difficult for my son and I do worry about that with Jack but things have improved since the '90s (I hope) and forewarned is forearmed (supposedly).

I have ADD as well but I've always found it to be a bonus, although not everyone would agree with that.  I'm impulsive, restless, a daydreamer, and obviously have trouble coping with stress.  I daydreamed all the time in school but still got good grades. I did learn to become organized and a planner which made life a lot easier.  I also can pay attention to more than one thing at a time which was a huge plus in raising Katie.  I also reframed how I think about some things.  Instead of viewing myself as a quitter (many people told me that when I was young, you never finish anything), I realized I like learning new skills but got bored easily and then gave up the "new" thing.  However, I still retain the new skills that I learned so I decided that was a bonus.  I also love learning.  I couldn't change who I was but could change how I viewed myself which just made me realize I can do that with other parts of my life as well.  Is this a breakthrough?

Otherwise, virtually nothing going on here.  Another day passes.  Dishes. Laundry. Sweep the floors. Make supper. Bathtime. Repeat.  I'm reliving my thirties all over again, although I must say it's easier with only one child, but that is offset by my age.