"...I wonder what the sound of a heart breaking might be. And I think it might be quiet, unperceptively so, and not dramatic at all. Like the sound of an exhausted swallow falling gently to earth."
It's about two friends but it's also about the AIDS epidemic in the late eighties. I took care of AIDS patients back then, so many young men and they all died. It was heart breaking and of course I cried when I read the book. I was reminded of the discrimination and the fear that these young men faced, even from some of the nurses who cared for them.
The book is about love and family and loss.
We're leaving for a holiday on Saturday, driving out to Vancouver Island to visit my sister, my brother in law and on the way back, stopping in Vancouver to visit my daughter. It will be lovely to walk beside the ocean again and to see family. My sister is seventy-five now. She had a brain injury when she was twelve and some of the effects of that accident are being amplified by aging. She walks with a limp now and never did before. Her lack of filters and boundaries is also amplified but I wonder how much of that is from the injury and how much of that is from our family. I have a hard time with filters and boundaries as well.
My mother in law turned eighty-one on Sunday. When my husband visited his father on Saturday, one of his sisters told him they were having a party for her but did not invite us. My husband is hurt and angry. And so it goes. I hurt and so I hurt (this comes from a Matt Haig book, "The Humans", another excellent book). Seems like the whole world lives by this motto.
I'm off today. I'm making it through my shifts which is good. My foot hurts but I can manage. I talked to a nurse educator about setting up a grief support group in our hospital for nurses and she thought it was a good idea. It would be nice if we could make it happen.
My sunflowers have grown ridiculously tall and I love them, so do the bees.
Those sunflowers! I'm sad for your husband, being left out of something so important must be really hurtful.
ReplyDeleteHe was terribly hurt, yes. His mother has done things like that over and over and over, as well as his one sister.
DeleteI listened to The Tin Man on an audio book last month. I agree with you.
ReplyDeleteFamily. Sometimes we are born into the wrong people. I'm sorry about what they did to your husband. Other than a son and his wife, who I rarely see, I actually don't have any family. There was never much, but it's sort of weird. The sunflowers are magnificent!
Tinman was wonderful! I'm glad I found her books.
DeleteSometimes I have too much family. That would be hard, not seeing your son much, unless it's better that way.
I had a sociopathic mother. She damaged everyone around her and her children and grandchild the most. My son has problems with family commitment and I have accepted it as it is. We get along when I do talk to him. I see him rarely. They have busy lives and his wife is very involved with her own family. It's best to accept what you cannot change.
DeleteThat top photo is amazing.
ReplyDeleteI think that there are a great number of people who had no real idea of how the AIDS epidemic affected a huge population of such beautiful, brilliant men.
Have you seen the movie "The Dallas Buyer's Club"? If not, you really should.
Have a wonderful holiday!
I took that top photo just with my phone. The bees are so happy and busy. All of these sisters flying around, feeding their family.
DeleteThe AIDS epidemic was devastating and we've forgotten about it already. The worst part was the unsaid, well, they got what they deserved. Fuck that. We love who we love.
I saw The Dallas Buyer's Club, wonderful and heartbreaking as well.
Beautiful sunflowers, and I LOVE that top photo! I saw your reply to Mary above that you took it with your phone -- that's amazing. Better than my big camera could do, I think. (Better than I've ever been able to do, anyway.)
ReplyDeleteI should watch for that book, but I gotta admit, after "The Great Believers" (as good as it was) I'm not sure I'm ready for another AIDS book.
I just put "The Great Believers" on hold at the library. "Tinman" is not a long read, nor too sad.
DeleteI got my real camera out of the closet and ready for holidays.
Family ties and their obligations and expectations are awful sometimes. I wish we could do away with them and just pick our friends are connections as we move through life. Say shitloads of hellos to the ocean from me.
ReplyDeleteI will say shitloads of hellos to the Pacific Ocean for you:)
DeleteReading has made a huge impact on my life; I couldn't survive without books. Glad you're finding some good ones. I thought "The Great Believers" was a fabulous novel (about AIDS) although it was emotional on so many levels. A high school friend of mine (my minister's son) died of AIDS back in the days when it was whispered about with loathing and fear. :( Your trip sounds like a wonderful get away. Family can definitely suck.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine a life without reading. It would be awful. I've put "The Great Believers" on hold at the library for when I get back from holidays.
DeleteI have just bought three of Sarah Winman's books based on your recommendation. I am still reading books I bought on Steve Reed's recommendation! Your sunflowers are lovely. I shall plant some this year.
ReplyDeleteYour husband's family sound like a real treat. I hope he understands it's not about him.
If anyone can get that grief support group going, you can. Go for it, girl. It is much needed and should be in every hospital.
I hope you like the books.
DeleteI came across something on facebook today by Gabor Mate. He's a Canadian doctor who deals with trauma and addiction and grief. I'm going to watch a documentary which features him, "The Wisdom of Trauma".
https://thewisdomoftrauma.com/
I'm hoping it will help with my own grief and shed light on the grief of others, including my grandson's mother and my mother in law.
Your bee picture is fantastic - so much pollen, so much fecundity. I hope that you and your Big Guy enjoy a good break on Vancouver Island and that the weather is kind to you.
ReplyDeleteThe weather is supposed to be good. It's long drive but it will be nice to spend time by the ocean.
DeleteHave a wonderful break - and those sunflowers are beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI planted two rows of sunflowers. 2 packages of seeds. I got (ta-fricking-DA!) one sunflower. Darn chipmunks. Or whatever they were.
ReplyDelete