We had Jack this weekend, most weekends. He was full of piss and vinegar. Saturday night I thought I would die of exhaustion, but I didn't. Yesterday was much better and I took an hour to sit outside and read a book. I say this often and tell others to do the same, but I need to care for myself and I haven't done that, ever. I take care of everyone else.
I picked up a book last week at Walmart, I think. It's called "The Change" by Kirsten Miller, a young woman; I wondered what the hell the writer would know about menopause and then, math. I looked her up and she was born in 1973, not as young as she looks and apparently I have a mental block when it comes to people born in the seventies. How can they be old enough to go through menopause?
Anyway, the book is about menopause but it's also about women and women's power, the treatment of women, murder, and friendship. I've recommended it to Ms. Moon but I would highly recommend the book to everyone. It's well written and made me think about my own power which I seem to have given up.
I've felt old this past year. It's been a horrible year but I'm not old or powerless and it was the kick in the ass I needed to get my own head out of my ass and reclaim my own power.
I don't know why men are so afraid of women and our power, or us having power. I don't know why men think that women are disposable, expendable or replaceable. Not all men, obviously, but it's more common than many would have us believe. Even lovely men who love us don't understand what it's like to be treated differently because we are a woman. I had one doc grab me and tell me that I must obey him because I am a woman. Another doc put his hands on me and sexually assualted me at work, in the report room. He lost his license and I testified twice against him.
The United States is a case in point right now. The US has the highest maternal mortality rate in the developed world. Look it up. The supreme court in the US has decreed that abortion should be once again be illegal. Who decided this? Six men and three women. Six people who don't have uteruses decided for an entire country what women should be able to do and not do with their uteruses. Six men have decided that thousands of women are once again expendable, that their lives are forfeit because they may get pregnant and if an abortion is needed, they cannot have access to one.
So a country that doesn't provide universal health care, or a year of paid maternity leave, or affordable daycare or free childhood vaccinations or health care, has decided that what's needed is more unwanted children. That will solve everything, all of society's problems. WTF!
It's more complicated than that, but it's not really. These six men and three woman have decided that what they believe is right. Except fifty years ago that was not the case. Are they both right? Are they both wrong? Is it any of their fucking business what women do with their bodies?
If women can't have safe abortions there will be more back street abortions. Unwanted pregnancies will not go away, not with wishing and not with this throwback of a law to the dark ages. No contraception is 100% effective. Women will die and children will suffer.
So again I will ask the question, why are men so afraid of women and of us having autonomy over our own bodies?
Their claim is that their god tells them that life starts at conception and every sperm is sacred- also misogyny has always been their power. If not for imposed control over the stronger of the sexes they would only be useful for heavy lifting...fragile male egos boohooing. Smash the patriarchy! May your darling little grandson grow up in better times! Love, LS
ReplyDeleteIf sperm is sacred, perhaps they need to pass a law that makes masturbation illegal. I hope and pray that my grandson respects women.
DeleteHere's another question- why are we women so afraid of our power? Why do we allow ourselves to be told what we can and cannot do, even as to our own bodies? I know, I KNOW- thousands of years of being told that we are powerless without a man, that our lives mean nothing without a man, and that in order to keep a man we must do what they say, what they want. I think that's a huge part of the problem.
ReplyDeleteI'm going to get that book. Thank you.
You're right of course. We are afraid of our own power, in part I think because we've been brainwashed. My ex husband convinced me I was terrible with money. Turns out I'm really good with money and he was full of shit.
DeleteIts funny how many old women never bother to remarry but choose instead to live out the rest of their days on their own. Why is that?
Good question.
ReplyDeleteJack is a delight, and I would be exhausted, too, trying to keep up with him.
I'm not a young woman anymore.
DeleteIt's so exhausting to have our faces rubbed in the patriarchy again. Especially when many of us, in late age, have found separate peace in little enclaves of mutuality with goodwilled men. (Or sometimes without them...) Thank you for writing about this so beautifully.
ReplyDeleteSally S
I work with a woman who is about ten years younger than me and she often writes, fuck the patriarchy. At first I thought it was too much but now I realize, it's not enough.
DeleteMy husband, who is a good guy, really did not understand how different the world is through women's eyes than men's until we hit our 70s. We went to a bike store Saturday, to buy new bikes. First question was if we wanted electric bikes. They the started hauling out inexpensive "granny" bikes (their words) to show us. We finally said no, we want the Trek carbon fiber model. When we got home, hubs commented on how we'd been profiled as elderly and on our last legs.
ReplyDeleteOur neighbor's twins are three - now I understand more completely about what a hand full they are at that age.
Men have no idea what it is like to live as a woman, to be treated as less than is so many tiny ways. Perhaps age levels the playing field then:)
DeleteWhen I saw your book recommendation to Ms Moon I tried to download it on my kindle but it's not yet available to download in France. I might have to just go out and order the paperback. I did see a funny comment on a blog today though where a family were out to dinner and the lady overheard a man at the next table saying that if women didn't want kids then they shouldn't get knocked up. Well this was just too much for this lady so she leaned over and shouted at him "or you could just learn to keep it in your pants, asshole"! I thought it was brilliant!
ReplyDeleteI like that woman already. I hope you enjoy the book as much as I did.
DeleteLittle kids are exhausting. I don't know how you do it! I'm excited to have my grandson staying with me, but a little apprehensive also. I am sickened and discouraged by most things going on in the U.S. right now. I can't even begin to explain any of it in any way that makes sense to me.
ReplyDeleteYou will have a wonderful time with your grandson and you will be exhausted. It's okay.
DeleteI saw a protest sign that said it all: no uterus? no opinion.
ReplyDeleteThe US is a now a world leader in regression.
Just like I should not have an opinion about your prostate, or your testicles.
DeleteWell I'm a man and I am not afraid of women having the power you refer to. In fact, it's totally right and desirable and gradually things seemed to be evolving that way until the dimwits in The US Supreme Court decided to turn the clock back.
ReplyDeleteGet down Jack! You are going to hurt yourself 'cos the seats are slippery!
Not enough men are like you Mr. Pudding. You also have no idea how it feels to live as a woman. You love to walk, alone, in isolated places. How would you feel if you felt unsafe walking in isolated places? Felt unsafe when a large man walked towards you? Felt scared when a man started yelling at you? Couldn't walk like you wanted to just because of your gender?
DeleteWomen get raped and are murdered by men everyday. It's something we live with and internalize. We are told over and over and over again that we don't matter as much as men. I have been assaulted four times in my lifetime by men, five if you include the time my husband tried to rape me. I'm not an unusual woman. I am flat chested and have been told I have the face of a nun. What do we, women, have to do to be safe around men?
I understand entirely what you say about walking alone. It is something I have often considered. By the way, far more men are customarily assaulted than women but I guess we are not allowed to register that truth.
DeleteNurses are the worst at delivering self care. Well done for at least taking an hour to read a book. Baby steps!!! I am shocked that you don't have free childhood immunisation. I thought that was a given in all (so called) first world countries. I watch from afar and weep at what is happening in the land of the not really free at all.
ReplyDeleteNurses are terrible at taking care of themselves, you're so right. We have free childhood immunization in Canada, but they don't in the US.
DeleteIt was 5 lying a-holes and Amy Coney-Barrett who worked to overrule Roe vs. Wade. And, they all pretty much based their reason for overturning the law according to their damned religion! WTF??? Keeping church and state separated is out the window with these self-righteous prigs!!!
ReplyDeleteStephen Beyer, Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan did not vote for it!
What about all the people who don't believe as they do? The beauty of pro choice is that people get to choose, that choice is not made for them by others. So much for the land of the free. It only applies if you have a penis.
DeleteThose that don't believe as those 6 believe are simply SOL ...shit outta luck! And, that is pretty much where we are currently! Our best bet is to vote the bastards out and get the Democrats in so we can get stuff done!
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ReplyDeleteI can't answer your question completely (despite being a man!) but a lot of this is rooted in religion. Almost all religions -- certainly those with origins in the Middle East -- were designed to order society in a way that favors men, and subjugates women as child-bearers and caretakers. Sometimes they pay lip service to equality but also employ practices that keep women down. Of course, you could argue that religion is more symptom than cause -- designed by guys experiencing that innate male fear or sense of threatened defensiveness that some men seem to feel when confronted by strong women.
ReplyDeleteI was raised in a home that gave power to the men alone.i never believed it and I don't even know where that unbelief came from. I ceased to fit very early on. The thing that I know at 65 is that whenever I ceded that power in my life, it cost me dearly. At 65 I hold my own power. I am married for 24 years to a man that doesn't need to be in charge. We are a good team.
ReplyDeleteIt was 6 people. One man who has been accused of sexual harassment, one man that has been accused of sexual assault, one man who is an extremely religious person, and a woman who is part of a patriarchal cult. And each one of them LIED!
ReplyDeleteI can so relate to your first Paragraph. *Le Sigh* As for the Patriarchy Fearing Women... and not just us, but Minorities and the LGBTQ Community... my guess is their Privilege they see could be eroded once everyone has equal Rights and access to their Power and Influence. A level playing field scares the shit out of those who have insecurities or know they wouldn't get along as well as they have if there was a level playing field to have to compete with. The dominance and privilege is not something they want to relinquish and so marginalizing those they Fear and oppressing them is the obvious solution they feel keeps things the way they like them and have enjoyed for far too long exclusively. Strong Women make Weak Men tremble.
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