Wednesday, September 8, 2021

I can't figure out how to use my new photo editing software so I'm stuck with phone images for now.  I might have cried when trying to figure things out.  I don't know why I'm so weepy this morning;  I do actually.  The world.  When I'm on holidays I can much more easily ignore the world but in real life, there is too much world.

The world seems to consist mostly of screaming, angry people right now, myself included.  Covid rates are skyrocketing here, as are hospital admissions and ICU admissions.  If only we could have known this would happen, if only there had been some kind of warning.  My employer is now hiring travel ICU nurses for between $5 and $33/hour more than I make, and they still want us to take a pay cut.

There are anti vaxxers protesting outside of hospitals here, making it difficult for staff and patients to get to hospitals, angry that their rights are being assaulted.  They have no responsiblity apparently for this fourth wave, even though they make up 75% of hospitalizations.  

Texas hates women, or so it seems.  Greg Abbott said, “That said, however, let’s make something very clear,” Abbott continued, his voice gaining emphasis. “Rape is a crime, and Texas will work tirelessly to make sure that we eliminate all rapists from the streets of Texas by aggressively going out and arresting them and prosecuting them and getting them off the streets.”

So he isn't going to stop rapists until after they have raped someone, unless he plans on locking up all men as potential rapists. Apparently logic and critical thinking skills are not taught in Texas schools.  So women will die having non medical abortions.  WTF!

Jack stayed with us again last night.  He was beside himself at bedtime, screaming and crying and flailing.  This is not him.  His poppa sang to him and held him.  He woke again in the night crying and restless so I lay down with him until he settled.  This morning there was more screaming about leaving the house and going to daycare.  Two weeks with his mom have turned Jack into a monster and it breaks my heart.  Gracie needs to be an adult and can't it seems.  

And my son is back in the picture.  He keeps trying to contact me.  Nothing has changed, except he's lonely.  Does that mean his wife has kicked him out of the house?  No idea.  I just know I don't want to get dragged down with him.  I have enough shit.

Not everything is bad, sometimes it just feels like that.  I'll get outside today with the dogs and that will help.  My coworkers missed me which was nice to hear.  Jack will get better with time and consistency.  I can do nothing about stupidity and ignorance.  I can breathe.  There is still good in the world, despite appearances to the contrary.  


  1. Ugh. I'm sorry the world has been so much with you -- I totally get it. When I struggle with all the bad news I ration my media intake and remind myself, as you said, that there are limited things I can do -- and then I do them, so I at least play SOME role.

    I'm also sorry about Jack and his problems adjusting between households. Just remember how vital you are to him.

  2. As Wordsworth said, "The world is too much with us; late and soon," Poor little Jack, I hope things settle down for him.

  3. I can't believe they are asking nurses to take a pay CUT???? Damn, it's a wonder anyone wants to into that profession. And I'm so sorry that Jack isn't doing well right now. I'm sure he'll get better being around you and his poppa but it shouldn't be your job to do that should it!

  4. This is all heartbreaking and of course you're weepy! Hell, we are ALL weepy. Covid is laying a layer of dark horror and deep difficulty over everything. And this is why those who stubbornly refuse to get their vaccinations are so odious. I'm sorry but at least here in the US (and probably in Canada too), we would not have be going through all of this if people would just get their vaccinations.
    Give Jack an extra hug and please think of me when you do. My heart goes out to him so. You're right- that is not like him.

  5. I wonder what Jack was experiencing in your absence? Poor kid. You are the stability in his world. That's hard on both of you.

  6. Yes, there is lots of good. More good than not. Including you: you're good. You can handle these burdens and upsets, too. But they're sure a strain aren't they. Hang in there. -Kate

  7. Because my younger daughter has BPD her daughter spends as little time with her as possible. I know that sounds awful, but otherwise she'd end up in care. Although I have to say my daughter is coping with her better now, the older she gets, so there is hope!

  8. What has happened in Texas with regard to women's basic rights and abortion is utterly uncivilised. These right wing idiots who bleat on about the sanctity of life do nothing to help African babies make it out of infanthood. The love that you and The Big Guy have shown to Jack is marvellous. He needs the two of you so much and didn't ask to be born into the chaos that Gracie and your son appear to have designed for him. He needs you like a rock where a boatman ties his vessel.

  9. Jack is very fortunate to have you in his life but it's heartbreaking what he has to deal with. It sounds like parenting is tough in general. I know I'm having a number of issues with my younger daughter's poor decision making. When does it get easier? I thought 3 would be the worst, instead it's adulthood.